Election Blogging And Drinking

I was wrong. Turns out I don't have a life.

This will be election night blogging mixed with a drinking game.

Every seat declared for Labor, one shot of Wild Turkey.

Let's begin.

6pm - votes are rolling in, some booths are counting slower than others. Bob Hawke has apparently called the election for Labor. Literally. He shouted it out the window of the car driving him to the Sky News studio while laughing maniacally.

Oohh, first couple of seats are being called for Labor with less than 1% of the vote counted. Good enough for me. Three seats, three shots.

7pm - more Labor seats, more shots. Is this dangerous? Decided each three Labor seat shots of Wild Turkey have to be balanced out with shots of orange juice or black coffee for Liberal seats declared.

Christ, is this eight Labor seats already, or twelfvve? Who cares....must eat something.

7.30pm - No. Mal Brough is being tipped to lose his seat. But Tony "Too Honest" Abbott will keep his seat. Of course, one of the only few decent Liberals loses. Howard & Friends will be finding Labor chewing gum under the opposition benches for months to come. Is it over for Howard & Friends? Yes.

8pm - Labor, shot, Labor, shot, Labor, shot, Labor, shot, Liberal, coffee, Labor, National, Labor, Lalorr, Layloooh..

8.20m - Bob Hawke has been calling it live on Sky for an hour. Kerry O'Brien has to cover the growing smirk with his hand, but his huge hand is not big enough. With the amount of hair Julia Gillard lost each week of the election to new makeovers, she's lucky it's finally over. Two more weeks and she would have had Peter Garrett's hairstyle.

8.40pm - Labor, Labor, Labor (let's go for just LR for Labor okay?) LR, LR, LR, Liberals...wow, Howard will lose to Maxine McKew. So paying personal visits to 8000 homes in Bennelong without the nation's media and a half dozen security in tow does pay dividends.

9-ish? - bluurg. Oh crap. whi is the rooom tilting to one syde? LR, shot, LR, shot, LR shiit.

Howard will concede soon. Costello is speaking now, so Howard will make his arrival at the hotel and cut into Costello's near-tears speech.

Howard arrives at hotel with clearly pissed off Janette The Wife. Howard's mere riding up the escalator is enough for every channel to dump Costello's speech just as he was getting to how awesome Australia is. Story of Costello's decade really.

Great speech from Mal Brough. He asks Labor to continue his work in Aboriginal communities. No doubt they will, but without handing over land to mining companies which was always Howard's plan.

9whenever - Howard is history. That's worth two shots. Interesting speech from The Loser but Janette's grimace is distracting. She's still interrupting and nagiiiinng him even when he's strying tto exit with class. Howard all but concedes Bennnelong to Maxine McKew as his farewells his extremely bitter supports. "NOOO!!!! WE LOVE YOU JOHNNN!!!" Fantastic. Someone in the crowd manages to shout "HOWARD IS A WANKER!!!" loud enough for it to be heard on the ABC. What a send off. Great speech from Howard. Pity he didn't talk up how awesome Australia is more often in the campaign instead of claiming we would plunge into living hell if Labor wins.

...there is no Liberal government anywhere in Australia now. The whining of the conservatives begins. Naturally they will blame the ABC. And Channel Nine. And, hilariously, the Murdoch media. Blah blah blah

10pm - W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-Wipeout! The Liberals 11.5 year reign is over. Finished. Australians clearly didn't believe Howard's bullshit. The world will not end on Monday morning. Another chapter in Australia's history will begin.


I said you sonn offa bitch! I never likkked yuuo....listen listen, listen, you are bloody great mate, really...no, no, listen....shit...I gotta ss ff what? .............fuckit.....woiw r rr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


1.58am - crashed out in a pile on the floor when Kevin Rudd started his victory speech a few hours ago. Sign of things to come no doubt. Children won't go to sleep? Put on the Kevin Rudd Best Speeches DVD and they will fall into a half-coma within minutes.

Liberals booed any mention of Labor when Howard conceded. The Labor faithful managed to mostly restrain themselves when Rudd praised Howard.

Good Christ! Alex Hawk won Mitchell. If you see him, splash him with holy water and watch him scream and writhe. Tony "Too Raw" Abbott now has competition for who will be the biggest arsehole on the opposition benches. We will watch this nasty piece of work very, very closely.

2am Sunday morning - so it's over. Conservatives have been absolutely routed in Australia last night. Labor wins by 22, or more, seats. One of the most complete and total victories in Australian political history.

Some fantasists are already claiming that seeing as Rudd outed himself as a conservative, the conservatives won regardless of Howard's loss. Yeah, okay. That's Howard quality bullshit. Remember what Peter Garrett said? "When we get in, we'll just change it all" or something like that. Clearly that's what Australians want to happen now.

Kevin Rudd, we're already being told, won his monumental victory off the back of catchy slogans and populist salesman pitches. Of course he did. John Howard completed the transformation of Australia into a consumer society, so why shouldn't Rudd win when he had the best buy-this-now slogans and the far more impressive marketing campaign?

The new age of Labor begins tomorrow. The bloodbath in the Liberal Party has already begun. Conservatives are in the vast minority in Australia today. Australia just became more Australian, once again.

Predictious

Here's some prophetic headlines for next week's election fallout, and the next six months, based on carefully researched wild guess work and five beers :

Labor Wins By Five Seats

Howard Loses Bennelong

Liberals Retain Wentworth

Greens Nail 14% Of National Vote

John Howard Brutalised In Media By Liberal Party Colleagues For Losing Election

Peter Costello Announces Retirement

Tony Abbott Announces Retirement

Malcolm Turnbull Fights For Liberal Leadership Against Demented Far Right

John Howard Embarks On $100,000 Per Speech Tour Of American NeoCon Think Tanks

Liberal Party Fractures, Descends Into Savage Infighting

Shelf Full Of New Books Reveal Dark Secrets Behind John Howard's Years As Prime Minister

John Howard To Score Knighthood From Queen

The Shape Of Rudd's 'New Labor Conservatism' Comes Into Focus - Lefties Grow More Nervous By The Day About Future

Peter Garrett Quits Politics, Rejoins Midnight Oil To Fight Rudd's Pro-Logging, Pro-Nuclear New Labor

Philip Ruddock Quits Politics To Take On Role As Mr Burns In Non-Animated Simpsons Movie

One Of These Men Will Wake Up Sunday Morning A Total Loser



Interesting photo. Note the handshake. Kevin Rudd's gone for the dominant, intimidation grasp, with his thump on top, pressing down on John Howard's hand, pinning him, which is a good way to sum up the entire campaign, or the whole year in fact.

Both John Howard and Kevin Rudd have supplied news.com.au with last ditch pitch columns to win your vote....unless you're voting for The Greens, or the Shooters Party. And let's face it, who isn't?

Not much new in either column, but Rudd definitely wins the battle of the headlines :

Howard : There Is No Risk-Free Change Of Government

Well duh. Snoooze.

Rudd : What's The Point Of Voting For Howard?

Ouch.

A two party, winner-takes-nearly-all-election like ours guarantees that either Kevin Rudd or John Howard will suffer a soul-crushing, spine-cracking, head-melting, brain-frying, spirit diluting defeat.

Which is great fun, if both of them give you the absolute shits.

The best part is when the loser has to front the media and try to act like they don't feel as though they've been run over by six consecutive road trains.

You will probably see John Howard cry if he loses. And Alexander Downer cry. And Peter Costello cry. Tony Abbott, meanwhile, will just look like he has eaten twelve raw kittens and is looking for more.

There will be no federal election live-blogging here. I do have a life. There may be an update early Sunday morning, but no promises on that.

Remember, if anyone tries to intimidate or threaten you on your way in to casting your vote, you are legally allowed to kick them. Probably.

Election 2007 : Before We Look Forward, A Look Back

Rudd, Gillard Had Howard's Number All Year

Going back over the 70 odd posts that have gone up on this blog on the 2007 Federal Election, one thing is overwhelmingly clear : Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard have had John Howard's number since December last year.

They were spelling out how "old" and "tired" Howard was from the start, hammering him over Iraq, climate change, his retirement and his "worn out ideas". Howard has been on the defensive, countering pinpoint Labor Party attacks, accusations and spin, since February.

We hope you enjoy this look back over the last 11 months, and give us a pass for not posting a Final Word piece on the election before its over (though we still might, if inspired later today).

There's not much more to be said. We think a review of the year is far more interesting :

December 2006 : Gillard Claims Howard's Best Days Are "Behind Him"

December 2006 : Howard Volunteers To Have Nuclear Power Plant Built Next Door To His House

February 2007 : Kevin Rudd Declares John Howard "A National Security Threat"

April 2007 : Howard's Last Days - PM Faces Devastating Defeat At Federal Election

May 2007 : What Terror Threat? Howard Spends More On WorkChoices Propaganda Than Raising National Security Awareness

May 2007 : Only 30% Can Think Howard Can Win - Prime Minister Set To Lead His Party To Devastating Defeat

May 2007 : John Howard Suddenly A Global Warming True Believer!

June 2007 : Culture Wars? Who Cares? We Want An Australian Renaissance

July 2007 : Howard Finally Admits That Iraq Was A War Of Oil

July 2007 : Howard's Fury Over War For Oil "Distortions" - Murdoch Media Hastily Rewrites Headlines

July 2007 : The Australian Newspaper Begins The Dooming Of John "Dead Man Walking" Howard

July 2007 : Howard & Friends Prepare "Better To Be Safe Than Sorry" Mantra For Coming Election Day

August 2007 : Interest Rates Hit Ten Year High - Journalists Laugh In John Howard's Face While He Trots Out Excuses

August 2007 : Alexander Downer Rattled By 17 Year Old's Climate Change Questions - Federal Minister Verbally Attacks Student For Asking Hard Questions

August 2007 : Drunk, Slurring Alexander Downer Makes A Clown Of Himself On Lateline

September 2007 : Conservatives Cut Off Howard's Head - Chant Begins "You Must Quit!"

September 2007 : Murdoch Journalist Denies Murdoch Media Conspiracy, But Rupert Admits He Uses Media To Shape And Change Public Opinion

September 2007 : Pressure Builds But Howard Refuses To Step Aside For Peter Costello

September 2007 : Howard The Bitch, Tells Liberals 'You're Nothing Without Me'

October 2007 : Bush Backs Rudd? "New Leadership" Refreshes Democracies

October 2007 : Rudd To Howard, Costello : 'I Can Do You Both'

October 2007 : Howard Tells Us We're Entitled To Believe What He Wants Us To Believe

November 2007 : Rudd, Garrett Betrayal Of Green Vote Comes At Heavy Cost

November 2007 : Howard Already Whining Like A Loser - Depression In Coalition Ranks Seals Their Fate

November 2007 : Why Conservatives Don't Do Comedy


It'll almost be worth a John Howard win on Saturday just to see how all the professional journalists, opinionsts and poll analysts explain how they got it all so very, very wrong.

Almost.

Liberal Party Pro-Terrorism Leaflet Scandal Grows And Grows As Federal Election Dawns

Jackie Kelly : "I Think It's A Huge Entertainment..."

Controversy Linking Sydney Muslims To Supporting Terrorism Against Australians Will Help End John Howard's Government


By Darryl Mason

The scandal over a leaflet drop in Sydney's western suburbs by volunteers for prime minister John Howard's Liberal Party fills newspapers today, and steals precious column inches, headlines and news breaks away from Howard's message in his last big push for re-election.

The leaflet, purporting to be from an Islamic group support terrorism, a group that doesn't actually exist, claimed the opposition government, now expected to win Saturday's election, supported terrorists who killed Australians, and said Muslims would soon have more opportunity to convert Christians.

The husband of the Liberal Party candidate running for election in the Western Sydney seat of Lindsay this Saturday, and the husband of the retiring Liberal Party member, have now both been kicked out of prime minister John Howard's party for distributing the leaflets claiming a vote for Labor is a vote in support of terrorists who've killed more than 80 Australians in the Bali bombings.

The leaflet also claimed the Labor Party would build more mosques in Western Sydney and were in favour of allowing Islamic extremists into the country.

A third man, in the executive of prime minister John Howard's party, has also been expelled.

All this less than 48 hours out from an election that is widely tipped to see the downfall of the John Howard government.

Incredible.


John Howard's reaction?

He knew nothing about the leaflets, they were not authorised Liberal Party election material, he has distanced himself from the scandal, and now he expects us to believe that neither of the two Liberal Party politicians had any idea of what their husbands were up to in writing, printing and then delivering the leaflets to hundreds of homes in one of the most highly contested seats in the election.

Current Liberal Party member for Lindsay, Jackie Kelly, is still insisting the unauthorised campaign brochure her husband helped to write, print and distribute to homes in Western Sydney was "a joke" and that she thought it was "funny." She tried to explain away the scandal, still laughing, by claiming her husband, and the other men involved were drunk and bored.

Pressure is on Howard to now announce the resignation of the Liberal Party candidate for Lindsay, Karen Chijoff, who's husband, Greg Chijoff, has been named as one of the three men now caught up in the election rocking scandal, along with Jackie Kelly's husband, Gary Clark.

How could Karen Chijoff not have known that her husband Greg, who has been campaigning by her side for weeks, was not involved in the illegal distribution of unauthorised Liberal Party leaflets trying to capitalise on the distress and fear resulting from the more than 100 Australians killed in terror attacks in Bali and the United States?

Tonight's current affairs shows, which draw combined audiences of about 20-25% of Australia's population, are expected to go hard on this story, uncovering similar tactics used by Jackie Kelly in past elections, and interviewing the families of Australians killed in international terror attacks.

Bizarrely, John Howard tried, unsuccessfully, to spin away the storm of controversy today by claiming that a wife should never be held responsible for the actions of her husband, and attempted to relate the individuality of husbands and wives to the rise of feminism, and that such separations of responsibility for each other's actions should be celebrated, not damned.

Barely mentioned in most of the coverage so far is that the leaflets directly linked Australian Muslims to supporting international terrorists and terrorist attacks. Linkages that have been essential to John Howard's divide-and-rule strategy of giving white Australians an easy target for vilification and loathing, though it should be pointed out that only the smallest minority of Australians have ever fallen for Howard's race and religion-based baiting.

The Howard government defeat may be even worse than the latest polls indicate, which is, to quote John Howard from earlier in the year, already set to be a defeat of near total "annihilation."

The 'Pro-Terror Liberal Party Leaflet Scandal' has literally exploded from nowhere in less than 18 hours, and questions about the involvement of senior members of the Liberal Party dominated John Howard's final major pre-election speech and Q & A session with the cream of Australia's journalists.

Excerpts from retiring Liberal Party politician Jackie Kelly's unhinged interview earlier today :

JACKIE KELLY: Well, I've read the alleged pamphlet and when I first read it I had to laugh because I think everyone who reads it has their first instinct is to laugh, pretty much everyone who's read chuckles in terms of the parody it does make of various things that have happened during the campaign.

CHRIS UHLMANN: But just to establish it, your husband and two colleagues were handing out this pamphlet...

JACKIE KELLY: Well, my understanding is they were letterboxing...

CHRIS UHLMANN: This pamphlet?

JACKIE KELLY: Well, I don't know. Well, I don't know, allegedly. Allegedly.

CHRIS UHLMANN: And this pamphlet says it comes from an Islamic organisation that doesn't exist? It says the ALP wants the Bali bombers forgiven and supports the construction of a mosque in western Sydney. What's funny about that?

JACKIE KELLY: Oh, look, it makes a parody....I think its sort of, I think its intent is to be a send-up but it obviously hasn't worked.

CHRIS UHLMANN: Isn't it its intent to drive people away from the Labor Party? Isn't that the intent of this?

JACKIE KELLY: No, well, I think if you read it you'd be laughing. I think it's quite....most people who've read it have sort of said, "Oh, well, that's a Chaser-style of prank."

CHRIS UHLMANN: Alright, who printed it?

JACKIE KELLY: Oh, look, I don't, I don't - I'm not, I don't know enough about it.

CHRIS UHLMANN: Was it from your office?

JACKIE KELLY: No. Absolutely not.

CHRIS UHLMANN: Who funded it?

JACKIE KELLY: I don't know. I don't know.

CHRIS UHLMANN: Who authorised it?

JACKIE KELLY: Well, look, there isn't any authorisation on the alleged document....

CHRIS UHLMANN: Can you guarantee that no funds came from your office, or from the Liberal Party for this?

JACKIE KELLY: Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

CHRIS UHLMANN: So where did the money come from? Someone must have printed it.

JACKIE KELLY: Look, everyone's got home printers and whatnot...

CHRIS UHLMANN: Was the Liberal state office involved in this joke?

JACKIE KELLY: No, not at all.

CHRIS UHLMANN: Was the Federal office involved in this joke?

JACKIE KELLY: Not at all.

*******************

JACKIE KELLY: Where is this conversation going?

CHRIS UHLMANN: I rang and I've identified myself as a reporter and I want to know how much you know about this particular document?

JACKIE KELLY: I don't know anything about it, right? I know basically what my husband has told me, his version of events, and obviously what the papers are alleging, and obviously what the ALP is putting about.

CHRIS UHLMANN: Jackie Kelly, finally, do you approve of this kind of thing?

JACKIE KELLY: No. Absolutely not. With my experience in politics and everything, this is just really immature stuff, that hardly makes influence on anyone's vote and I think it's a huge entertainment for other people.

CHRIS UHLMANN: Jackie Kelly, thank you.

JACKIE KELLY: Cheers.

Cheers?

The audio of the interview makes clear that Jackie Kelly is lying through her teeth.


Here's the full text of the leaflet from the non-existent Islamic Australia Federation :

"The role of the Islamic Australia Federation is to support Islamic Australians by providing a strong network within Islamic Australia.

"Muslims supporting Muslims within the community and assisting and showing christian Australians the glorious path to Islam.

"In the upcoming federal election we strongly support the ALP as our preferred party to govern this country and urge all other Muslims to do the same.

"The leading role of the ALP in supporting our faith at both state and local government levels has been exceptional and we look further to further support when Kevin Rudd leads this country.

"We gratefully acknowledge Labor's support to forgive our Muslim brothers who have been unjustly sentenced to death for the Bali bombings.

"Labor supports our new Mosque construction and we hope, with the support or funding of local and state governments, to open our new Mosque in St Marys soon.

"Labor was the only political party to support the entry to this country of our Grand Mufti reverend Sheik al-Hilaly (sic) and we thank Hon Paul Keating for over-turning the objections of ASIO to allow our Grand Mufti to enter this country."

It's beyond obvious that the leaflet was not intended as a joke, or a "Chaser style prank."

It was a carefully planned and constructed psychological operation to smear the Labor Party as supporters of terrorism against Australians and to scare voters in the mostly Christian western Sydney suburb of St Mary's into believing they would be converted to Islam if Labor wins the election.

Labor Party volunteers caught the Liberal Party volunteers in the act of distributing the leaflets on Tuesday night. The Labor Party was tipped off to the leaflet and its distribution by people inside the Liberal Party who strongly disagreed with this extremist and anti-Democratic behaviour.


The Chaser Offers Jackie Kelly A Job

Why Conservatives Can't Do Comedy

Go Here For The Latest Stories From 'Your New Reality'

The Chaser Responds To Liberal Party's Pro-Terrorism "Chaser-Style Prank"

Citing The Chaser as a way of trying to defuse the growing scandal and outrage over the fake Labor Party leaflet, detailed here, was the second big mistake retiring Liberal Party MP Jackie Kelly made, after laughing about it on morning radio and television.

She has made sure the scandal stays in the headlines right through to Saturday. Unless something, or someone, explodes.

Jackie Kelly tried to defend her husband, Gary Clark, when he was busted on Tuesday night stuffing pro-terrorism leaflets, plastered with Labor Party logos, into Western Sydney letterboxes by claiming he was "drunk" and was attempting "a Chaser-style prank."

The Chaser has now responded :

The Chaser's executive producer Julian Morrow has now invited Ms Kelly, who will retire after the election, to join the comedy team.

"Jackie will obviously be looking for a job," Morrow said.

"One of the criticisms of The Chaser is that we don't have any women on our team.

"Bronwyn Bishop has got the inside running, but Jackie is welcome to make an application."

"It's a bit of a worry when the best argument you have to defend your ethical practices is that you were doing what The Chaser does.

"We are hoping this will lead to a profitable political consultancy for The Chaser in the future."

We'll update later with the raft of questions John Howard is expected to be hammered with during his press club final speech, and pitch, to the nation.

Howard must be ready to cry to have such a disgusting and incredibly stupid scandal erupt so close to voting day.

The final nail in Howard's political coffin has come from his own people.


Why Conservatives Don't Do Comedy

The Chaser : We Are Wankers

The Chaser Delivers Osama Bin Laden To President Bush's Hotel

Fight Terror, Jail Comedians

Don't Laugh At The Chaser, Live In Fear

Why Conservatives Don't Do Comedy

It was a simple and straightforward Liberal Party smear tactic : print up leaflets that tell voters if they vote for Labor, they are voting in support of terrorism.

What could possibly go wrong with such a plan?

Except getting caught and photographed in the act...

But come on, it's easy to condemn those Liberal Party leaflet distributors. You just don't understand. The Liberal Party is about to be destroyed at the polls. There is no tactic too dirty, too undemocratic and too disgusting not to try.

I suppose it's all a matter of interpretation. You can interpret the 'A Vote For Labor Is A Vote For Terrorism' leaflet as a tactic straight out of the sewer. Or you can see it as not unexpected from a political party that has seen great gains over the years from marginalising Muslims and fearing up the public over women in burkhas.

Or maybe we don't understand sophisticated Liberal humour. After all, that what's the wife of one of the men responsible is now claiming it was. Just a joke.

Just because they stuck a Labor Party logo on the leaflet and claimed it was from a Islamic group that supports suicide bombing, doesn't mean those who had the leaflet stuffed into their letterboxes were supposed to take it seriously.

What do you mean you don't get the joke? What's wrong with you?

I mean, everyone's done it, haven't they?

Got pissed, jumped on the computer, designed and wrote and then printed off a few hundred copies of a leaflet where you pretend to be a fictional religious group thanking your opposition political party for supporting terrorists who killed more than 80 Australians in the Bali bombings, then rounded up a few mates and gone letterboxing those leaflets through your neighbourhood.

Who hasn't tried to stir up some anti-Muslim sentiment in their own neighbourhood after a few too many, a couple of days before a resounding Liberal Party defeat at the polls?

Where's your sense of humour? It was a joke.

Well, that's what retiring western Sydney Liberal Jackie Kelly is claiming was the intent of the anti-Muslim, 'Labor Supports Terrorists' leaflets her husband, Gary Clark, and his "bunch of drunk" mates wrote, printed up and then distributed through suburbs like St Mary's and St Clair.


Kelly said anyone who actually read the leaflet would be amused :

"On first read it is quite funny..."

"If you read it you would be laughing. Most people who have read it have sort of said that's a Chaser-style of prank."

"Pretty much everyone who reads it chuckles."

Jackie Kelly was still laughing about the leaflet, which used the deaths of more than 80 Australians in the Bali bombings to spread around some anti-Muslim fear, when she was questioned about it earlier today.

So let's take a look the fake leaflet put together by Jackie Kelly's husband and his Liberal Party mates (all without her knowledge, of course, even though they used her house as a base for the distribution) decorated with Labor Party logos and under the name of the fictional Islamic Foundation Australia :

"We gratefully acknowledge Labors [sic] support to forgive our Muslim brothers who have been unjustly sentenced to death for the Bali bombings," it says.

Hilarious!

"Labor supports our new Mosque construction and we hope, with the support and funding by Local and State governments, to open our new Mosque in St Mary's soon."

Ha hahahahahaha!

Comedy gold! Gold!

These people are demented.

Jackie Kelly has offered up a variety of explanations this morning for how her husband and senior members of the Liberal Party came to be busted stuffing these leaflets into letterboxes in Western Sydney late in the evening :

"I think its intent is to be a send-up, but it obviously hasn't worked..."

"He hates the unions, my husband."

But Jackie Kelly was disgusted. When she managed to stop laughing. She was not disgusted at her husband and the leaflets he helped to think up, print and distribute, but at the Labor Party and union "thugs" who tried to stop the Liberal Party members from terrorising the locals :

" ... an ALP goon squad, which I understand was led by some unionists, have chased down and hunted down and tried to intimidate. I understand there was even a fight," she said.

No wonder conservatives hate the unions so much. They get in the way of Liberal Party hate campaigns.

This is why so few Liberals and conservatives try their hands at comedy. Obviously, their sense of humour is too complex for mere mortals to understand.

John Howard is really going to be looking forward to answering questions about this at his last major speech of the election today.

For those who missed the link above, you can read the leaflet in question here.

Tasmanian Author Promises Biggest "Civil Disobedience Campaign" In Decades For Anti-Pulp Mill Protests

The new Tasmanian pulp mill scored the approval of both Labor and Liberal, and saw conservationist Peter Garrett forced to toe the party line, and lose a rainforest worth of credibility while he was at it. We won't know until after the weekend just how much of an impact the controversial pulp mill's approval will have on the election, or in particular on the electoral choices of the voters of Wentworth, the seat of pro-pulp mill environment minister Malcolm Turnbull.

But activists against the mill are promising that it will never be built.

Here are some excerpts from a fiery speech given by author Richard Flanagan to a crowd of anti-pup mill protesters in Tasmania a few days ago.

While providing some solid background on the history of the massive corruption linking the Gunns woodchipping corporation and the Tasmanian state Labor government, Flanagan promises to join protesters in a civil disobedience campaign he declares will be the biggest since the successful protests stopping the damming of the Franklin River in the early 1980s, and claims the controversial pulp mill will never get the chance to destroy a forest or pollute the environment :

And if, in the end we have all other avenues denied us, if we are left with no other alternative, if it takes standing on the road to the pulp mill site and placing our bodies between their machines and our home, we will stand there, in peace and with pride, united against hate and greed, joined in our love for our island. And if we are arrested and thrown in jail, then we will go to jail in our tens, we will go to jail in our hundreds, we will go to jail in our thousands, and Paul Lennon will have to build seven new prisons to house all the people who will come and who will keep on coming before they even attempt to pour the foundations of one new pulp mill.

Now is the time for turning, now is the season for our change, now must come that moment when we no longer are cowed, when we cease to be silent, when we speak the truth to power and say no to this pulp mill and yes to a future in which we are governed in the spirit in which we live: with goodness, with the interests of others in our heart and not the leash of greed tearing at our throat. Now is that hour, now is our future. The journey is long, the road is dark and frightening, but together we can reach our destination: the Tasmania of which we all dream, where all are welcome and all prosper, made not of lies but truth, built not of rich men's hate but our love for our island and for each other. Our love. Our island. Let's take it back. Let's start marching.

Richard Flanagan brought the issue of the new Tasmanian pulp mill, and the long history of foul corruption linking Gunns and Labor and Liberal governments, to national attention in this shock-inducing article from The Monthly magazine. It is a story that every Australian should read.

Flanagan is the author of the novel, 'The Unknown Terrorist', which has become an international hit and has now been optioned for a movie by Steven Spielberg's company Dreamworks.

'The Unknown Terrorist' is so despised by Tim Blair and Andrew Bolt, who haven't made clear that they've actually read the book they've dismissed as trash, that I had to read it myself. If they hated it so much, there was likely much on interest to be found in those pages. I'm halfway through, and it's a fast, interesting read, which successfully predicted the terror-related non-events of this year, where 'unknown terrorists' were rounded up, publicly prosecuted and then released.

Tim Blair and Andrew Bolt appear to be on a dedicated mission to trash Richard Flanagan as often as they can, but not so often as to raise suspicion to their motives.

Perhaps Bolt is annoyed at Flanagan's best-seller status, while his own book's sales stalled. Perhaps Blair is jealous that Flanagan has actually written books in the first place.

Naturally, Bolt and Blair seem to have absolutely no problem with what Gunns is doing to Tasmania's environment, and the further damage to come from the pulp mill, all against the will of the majority of Tasmanians. Flanagan remains their target of choice, even though there is a state Labor government involved that should be mocked and derided at every opportunity.

Flanagan's promised "civil disobedience" campaign will supply both Bolt and Blair with plenty of material to continue their mockery of those who choose to not sit idly by while a behemoth like Gunns mows down whatever, or whoever, gets in their way.

Expect the Tasmanian pulp mill issue to leap back into the headlines in the first few months of 2008.

By then, the pro-Gunns sate Labor government will probably be feeling cocky enough to try and stop the anti-mill protests and blockades using powers under the anti-terror laws. The powers that already allow for the prosecution of protesters who "interfere" with the smooth running of corporations, like Gunns.

The fear of Islamic terrorism was the bulldozer that rammed through the anti-terror laws, but the laws, and the definitions of what actually constitutes terrorist actions or terror support, are open enough to allow for the prosecution of pro-environment related protesters should a corporate entity like Gunns wish to do so. The bet is that they most certainly will.

If Richard Flanagan goes through with his plans for massive "civil disobedience", he may find himself in a very similar position to a key character in 'The Unknown Terrorist'. Except in his case, it will be his pro-environment actions that may see him fighting 'anti-terror' related charges in the courts.

Flanagan, however, appears ready and willing to fight that battle.

Liberals Have An "Outside Chance" Of Winning The Election...Next Time

Greg Sheridan gets in really, really early with his prediction that if the Liberals can get their act together, and treat Tony Abbott as their Socrates-meets-Tony Montana for the next three or four years, they could break the always-a-two-term rule of Australian governments and unseat Rudd at the next election :

...the Liberals might have an outside chance in three years' time. But they will need to remain credible: more than that, to have a sense of life about them, a sense of vigour and purpose.

And who will the Liberals have to rely on for all this life, vigour and purpose? Tony Abbott, of course. Who else is there? Alexander Downer? Brendan Nelson?

Sensing the Liberals are, after the weekend's presumed election defeat, going to lose Abbott to a opposition bench free lifestyle, Sheridan all but begs Tony Abbott not to follow the advice of friend Glenn Milne and "go home to his wife" :

Abbott has been central to conservative politics for the past 15 years. He needs to be central to it for the next 15 years. Even in opposition the Liberals will need to try to shape the debate, defend their record, defend their heroes and defend their ideas...you can't win a battle without warriors.

Even if the only viable 'warrior' you've got left is Tony "Too Honest" Abbott.

Tony Abbott's Last Stand

Howard's vicious mutt, Tony "Too Honest" Abbott, knows his government is going to lose the election this weekend, but he still can't believe it. Just the idea that his days in power are almost over has completely done his head in, which is why he came up with this :

Something unprecedented will happen on Saturday. A highly effective government will lose despite generally good economic circumstances or 12 months of opinion polls will turn out to be wrong. Australians are not reckless gamblers, at least not with the future of their country, so I think it's much more likely voters will prove the polls wrong than change the government.

Abbott, a very religious man, is now praying for a miracle. Perhaps he should, instead, be cursing divine retribution.

His betting that 12 months of polls will turn out to be wrong is a long way from his position many, many months ago when the polls were about the same as they are now, with his government way behind. Back then he thought the majority of Australians were a bunch of dingbats who expected far too much from their politicians and were unwilling to give them the praise he believed was due to politicians like himself.

Well, that's when he wasn't threatening Australian voters with "dire consequences" if they dared to vote against his government.

Tony Abbott will be one of those who will be blamed by the Liberals for helping to lose the election, due to his appalling public behaviour during the election campaign. And he deserves plenty of blame, if only for his disgusting attack on a dying man who had given of himself in ways that Abbott could never comprehend, or dream of matching.


Friends Should Tell Tony "Too Raw" Abbott To 'Go Home To His Wife'

Tony Abbott Attacks Australians For Demanding The Very Best From Their Politicians

Australia 'Locked Out' Of Huge New East Asian Free Trade Union On Orders Of China

Alexander Downer has, by now, learned that Australia has been locked out of joining a vast new ASEAN nations free trade and energy union. And China demanded Australia be excluded.

Downer is at the East Asia Summit, where he laughingly claimed he would be trying to get a last minute climate change related 'breakthrough agreement' from developing countries like China, Indonesia, Vietnam and The Philippines. Good luck with that.

More here :

China, Japan and South Korea agreed to work with the 10-member Association of Southeast Asian Nations to open up regional trade, dropping a plan to include India, Australia and New Zealand.

Leaders from the 13 nations said the so-called Asean Plus Three group ``would remain the main vehicle toward the long- term goal of building'' an Asian regional community, according to a statement released after a meeting today. The document makes no mention of the other three nations that will also attend tomorrow's East Asia Summit in Singapore.

Asean secretary general Ong Keng Yong earlier this year insisted that India, Australia and New Zealand would be included in plans to establish a free-trade zone covering all 16 nations who participate in the East Asia Summit. Today's statement recognizes China's demand that only Asean Plus Three countries should be included in the community.

This will be Downer's last trip as foreign minister of Australia, barring a bizarre upset at the weekend elections.

Will there be time enough left for him to remind us all how great Australia's relationship is with China and East Asia before he takes a board gig with a defence contractor, or joins the NeoCon talk circuit in the United States?

Two Major Journalists Required To Cope With Sheer Weight Of Howard's Final Week "I Shit You Not" Fear Mongering Pitch

When I worked as the editor of a city newspaper, many years ago, the newspaper's owner would walk into the office with a local MP's wordy press release in hand, plonk it down on the desk and say "Just run it."

After I'd scanned through the mind-numbing mass, or mess, of information, the conversation would usually go like this :

"I need to check the claims he's making here...some of this is way over the top."

"Just run it."

"I need to give the opposition a chance to react to these claims. They deserve the right of the reply."

"Just run it."

"People are going to laugh at this. They're going to pick up the paper next week and think we're just a local government mouthpiece."

"Just run it."

"Why do you need journalists? You could just get the secretary to type all this shit up..."

"Just run it...Actually, run it on the front page."

The editorship didn't last long.

I flashbacked to those days when I looked at The Australian today and saw this story, where John Howard summons up his most doom-laden verbiage to try one last Big Scare. It's the last minute of the final quarter, the clock is ticking, Australians need to be told they should be trembling as they hover that pencil on Saturday near boxes marked Labor or The Greens.

After weeks of desperate electoral tactical meetings and long lectures from supposed masters of political campaigning and 'damage control', John Howard is finally ready to unveil the New Horror.

The Labor-Green 'Axis'! Lookout! Booga! Beware!

Howard uncorks so much spin, froth and horror-heavy twaddle that The Australian needed two of its biggest hitters - Dennis Shanahan and Paul Kelly - to transcribe it all.

Because that's all this excretible excuse for a news story, from the newspaper that proudly boasts it "keeps the nation informed" really is, in the end. One long Howard rant, with barely a few hundred words from Kelly and Shanahan, but they're only writing what John Howard is saying, instead of just having Howard say it. They typed in a handful of their own words to break up the full stream of direct Howard quotes.

Back at my small city newspaper all those years ago, we only needed one person to transcribe the politician's press release and turn it into a front page story. The Australian needs two senior journalists to do the same thing.

Unless, of course, the editor of The Australiian thinks that having the names of Dennis Shanahan and Paul Kelly in the byline will give this gormless guff some weighty credibility. You know the kind of thing : it must be true what Howard is saying because, look, it's got Kelly and Shanahan bylines on it.

A double team effort! Whoa!

Because Paul Kelly and Dennis Shanahan are merely transcribing what Howard had to say, we're providing a handy translation. The Kelly/Shanahan 'interview' transcript is in italics.

John Howard has warned Australians they risk electing a Labor-Greens alliance that would impose a new national direction and conduct radical experiments with their values and institutions.

In a final-week interview with The Australian, the Prime Minister said the nation faced a "watershed election", where the real issues had been disguised by the me-tooism of Kevin Rudd and in which the workplace reforms of his Government would be lost forever if Labor were elected.

Most Australians clearly want the the workplace reforms to be lost. That's why they're voting Howard out.

Convinced his hopes of a Coalition win at the weekend are not yet extinguished, Mr Howard said: "Part of my mission this week is to drive home the risk. My every waking hour and every available minute will be to drive home the risk of Labor."

Howard is going to rant doom around the clock like a drunk evangelist on a street corner wearing a 'The End Is Nigh' sandwich board.

He said a Labor government would mean higher unemployment, higher inflation and a rollback of industrial reforms that would terminate forever hopes of a freer labour market.

Complete and utter speculation from Howard. This is what he thinks may happen, but he has no proof, and most economists don't back up his claims. Kelly and Shanahan don't bother to even note that Howard could well be proven totally wrong.

Mr Howard warned that a Labor victory would mean a Labor-Greens Senate majority and an era of social re-engineering, with policy changes on drugs, education, social issues and political correctness in conflict with his social conservatism.

"There will be a return of political correctness. There will be a softening in relation to things like drugs. You will get a less socially conservative country at the very least.

Shocking. Rudd may actually wind back some of Howard's welfare for the rich, follow the nation's will and offer a Sorry to Aboriginals, and stop treating 19 year old pot smokers like psychotic hardened criminals.

"I think the country's mood is that people want economic progress but they don't want experiments with our basic values and institutions. Imagine if you are depending on the Greens to get a measure through the Senate on education. Imagine what they would extract."

Imagine if the Greens, who will likely claim 12% or more of the national vote, were actually able to represent the will and desires of their voters instead of having to suffer through the Coalition getting almost 100% of their bills and ammendments passed through the Senate? The horror!

Howard believes his values are what's best for all Australians, not apparently realising the 1950s were five long decades ago.

Asked about the future under the Coalition, Mr Howard said Peter Costello "will be elected unopposed" as his successor. In a warning to leadership aspirants, Mr Howard pledged to the Treasurer, saying this would be "the right thing" for the Liberal Party and for Australia.

Howard is dreaming.

By the time Howard finally hands the Kirribilli House keys back to Australia, if he's actually re-elected as PM, Malcolm Turnbull will have carved a deep trench through the Liberal Party on his way to the top job.

If the Coalition loses government, the old order will torn to shreds in months of bitter infighting about who lost the election, and all those golden Liberal seats. Peter Costello has about as much chance of becoming the next PM, or leader of the Liberals, as Peter Garrett has of taking control of BHP. Costello's poll ratings with the Australian public are absolutely abysmal, he's about as popular as a kick in the nuts with no $500 cheque from Australia's Funniest Home Video to ease the pain.

The Liberals are bitter, yet happy enough, to let Howard spin his little fantasy about Peter Costello taking over, but only until the New Year. Then the real fight inside the Liberal Party begins.

Mr Howard defended his policy of tax breaks to empower choice. He rejected the criticism it was middle-class welfare.

Of course it's middle-class welfare. Why does he think so much of the middle-class voted for him in 2004?

"It's not dependency to give a tax break to people for doing certain things," he said. "I find this blurring of the distinction between expenditure and tax incentives as ridiculous. We encourage people to make choices about their children's education through tax breaks ... We support people who have children by giving them tax breaks. That's authentic Liberal orthodoxy.

What Howard's true masters want, they get. Liberal orthodoxy under Howard is welfare for the middle class and fat tax cuts for the rich. The rest get less money spent on hospitals and education and an extra milkshake and a sandwich as a reward for not trying to storm Parliament House with flaming torches in hand.

It's no mystery why Shanahan would let his name go on such a rag bag of predictions, baseless projections and scare-mongering speculation. But why would Paul Kelly let his name anywhere near such tripe?

Does he no longer care at all? Is he about to retire?

Four more days to go...

Howard Keeps Australia's Media Moguls Rich With Your Money

16 Months, $500 Million

Nobody does more to keep the flow of taxpayer cash running hot into the pockets of Australia's extremely wealthy media moguls than John Howard.

In just 16 months, according to this story, the Howard government has spent a mind-boggling $500 million dollars on anti-Labor, anti-union fear campaigns, pro-WorkChoices propaganda and so-called 'government-funded information advertising'. The Howard government has spent more than $1 million a day on ads, for almost 500 days running.

But it's not government-funded advertising, it's You Fund It :

The Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet's annual report showed $281 million was spent on government advertising last financial year.

And the splurge didn't stop in July. Another $209 million was spent in the run-up to the poll announcement five weeks ago.

The most recent ad campaigns centred on changes to WorkChoices, climate change policy, changes to superannuation and internet safety.

Mr Howard defended the spending, declaring it all "legitimate", but Labor leader Kevin Rudd condemned it, pledging if elected on Saturday to tighten rules governing the use of taxpayers' money for publicising information campaigns.

The Howard government now spends more taxpayer dollars on advertising, per head of population, than any other country in the world.

You won't be surprised to learn that the Herald Sun, one of the big beneficiaries from such advertising splurges, buried this story under a headline about how John Howard backs his "good mate" Peter Costello to takeover the Liberal Party leadership when he finally quits.

John Howard calls directing half a billion dollars of your money into the pockets of some of Australia's richest people being economically responsible and "fiscally conservative."

UPDATE : I shouldn't be so hard on the Herald Sun. At least they ran the $500 Million In 16 Months On Ads story, even if they did so under a headline about another story. The Australian managed to wind back the impact of the revelations of Howard government ad spending this way :

Government Spends $196 Million On Ads

True enough, but as the Herald Sun article clearly reveals, it's not even half the real story.

International Media Picks Up On 'Howard's Battlers Now Turning On Him' Theme

As John Howard's government enters what certainly looks like its last days in power, the international media is starting to pump the theme that he will lose office because the legendary 'Howard Battlers' have decided to dump him because the 'McMansion Dream' has turned sour.

This from the UK's Telegraph :

The aspiring working classes of Australia who catapulted John Howard to power 12 years ago look set to turn on him in lethal fashion in this week’s election, as his promises of growing prosperity have soured.

A survey has found that two-thirds of voters with mortgages between $100,000 and $200,000 (£86,000) intended to vote on Saturday for the opposition Labour Party, heralding a catastrophe for Mr Howard’s conservation coalition.

Since being elected in 1996, Mr Howard has drawn much of his support from "battlers" – blue collar families living in the outer suburbs of Australia’s big cities – seducing them with a Thatcherite philosophy of economic liberalism and social conservatism.

But the Australian dream of owning an air-conditioned "McMansion" with a two-car garage has soured.

Interest rates have risen six times since Mr Howard made a rash pledge at the last election, in 2004, that he would ensure they stayed low.

Compounding the pain for mortgage holders is the fact that house prices have fallen in many working class "battler" suburbs since the property boom peaked around 2003.

The photo running with the story here shows John Howard looking old, bitter and annoyed. The story made the Editor's Pick on the website.

Bob Brown Hugs Trees "Very, Very Often"




For our international readers, a bit of background : Dr Bob Brown was the first leader of the Australian Greens elected to the Australian Senate and has been instrumental in helping to preserve vast regions of Australia's ancient rainforests and wilderness. Some of the areas Bob Brown fought to preserve discovered there was more money to be made from wilderness tourism than would ever have been made from logging.

Bob Brown's the only Australian political party leader you can count on getting an honest answer from to almost any question, and whether you agree or disagree with his political views, it's hard not to admire his honesty.

The Australian Greens have been rapidly building their base in the past six years, opposing the War On Iraq, the detention of immigrant children in outback prison camps, John Howard's 'War On Drugs' and the absurd fiasco of Australia's supposed anti-terror laws.

The Greens are expected to probably win control of the Australian Senate in next weekend's federal election, and could capture as much as 12% of the national vote.

Quick fact : Dr Bob Brown was working as a hospital intern in London in 1970, and he was the young medico who stood before the media and announced that Jimi Hendrix had died.

Murdoch Media Already Publishing Howard Government Obituaries

Glenn Milne Tells Tony Abbott To Go Home To His Wife

The Australian newspaper today features a number of early obituaries for the Howard government, and in particular, Health Minister Tony Abbott. First this :

Who should the Coalition hold responsible in the event that Labor winds up running every government in the nation, federal, state and territory?

John Howard’s name springs to mind, of course.

He chose to remain prime minister when some of his colleagues, most notably Alexander Downer, thought Peter Costello might have had a better chance of deflating the Kevin Rudd bubble.

Take a step back and consider how the conservatives find themselves just one defeat away from being in opposition in every jurisdiction in the land.

Conservatives will try to convince you that a Labor federal government win this Saturday will be some kind of aberration, a freak event, an act of successful brainwashing by a slick marketing machine. They wish.

Instead, it's culmination of a Labor takeover of the nation, that began with Labor in control of NSW in 1996; then taking Queensland and Tasmania in 1998; Victoria in 1999; West Australia, the ACT and the Northern Territory in 2001 and finally South Australia in 2002.

Australians are not becoming more conservative. They've turned their backs on conservative state governments, and this Saturday they are more than likely to elect a federal Labor government, completing the decade long rejection of Australian conservatives.


Glenn Milne, who says Tony "Too Raw" Abbott has been a friend for 17 years, mourns the coming loss of Tony "Too Honest" Abbott from the Australian political scene. Abbott's friend says Abbott's friends "should advise him to go (home to his wife)" :

Abbott is a figure of substance, a conviction politician in an era of white noise convergence. But watching Abbott's disintegration you have to ask whether the strength of those convictions was ever viable in an environment where the electorate increasingly likes its politics "lite" in all respects, including when it comes to values.

I count Abbott as a friend. We met in the early 1990s, and there's not a dinner table you'd share with him that wouldn't leave you passing into the later night wrestling with some of the bigger questions of the universe.

In some senses, Abbott is simply too honest and too raw for modern politics...

Tony Abbott has spent the past decade as John Howard's most savage attack dog, shredding the competition for minor indiscretions, cutting loose with grim and vindictive bullying whenever possible and venomously destroying political careers, then reveling in his small victories. Now we're supposed to feel sorry for him?

Milne's generous praise and all but casual dismissal of Abbott's disgusting behaviour during this election campaign, let alone the past ten years, is enough to make you want to reach for a bucket.

But then, if you can't use your national newspaper column to whitewash the grand, insipid failings and genuine nastiness of a friend, what's the point of being a Murdoch media columnist?

The Top Five Immediate Missions Of Australia's New Prime Minister

Number One : Ratify Kyoto Protocol

Kevin Rudd has revealed the five things he will do, straight off the bat, when he becomes prime minister after next week's federal election :

1. Ratify the Kyoto Protocol. "We need to make sure we are around the negotiating table immediately ... for the next round of commitments on reducing global greenhouse gas emissions."

2. Start immediately to negotiate with the states on reform of hospital practices. "That is of crucial importance - we've got $2.5billion on the table but we'll need to frame a co-operative agreement around performance measures."

3. Begin the roll-out of the high-speed broadband network, along with connections to schools. In tandem, open up tenders for the $1 billion school computer program.

4. "Hit the ground running" with the implementation of the $2.5 billion program to upgrade trades training centres in secondary schools. "I went back to C block [the technical faculty] at [his old school] Nambour High the other day - it hadn't changed since I was there. It was like walking into a museum."

5. Begin negotiations with the Americans and Iraqis for the staged withdrawal by mid next year of Australian combat troops. "I have been very blunt with President Bush ... I have a no-surprises policy when it comes to these things."

It will be interesting to see what John Howard & Friends do with this story. Rudd has all but declared victory, before he's victorious. It should drive Howard nuts, and he will have restrain himself from having a full meltdown so close to the election.

Rudd has pledged to do all the above five within the first 100 hundred days of taking power. How very American presidential of him.

He also said Labor would get two days off, Christmas and Boxing Day, then it's "straight back to work."

He should have added a sixth pledge. Actually answer the questions journalists ask him. His masterful evasion of answering even the most basic questions may completely change, after he wins. If he doesn't, he can expect to cop many months of hammerings from journalists.

I don't actually think Rudd is being arrogant in unveiling his Top Five agenda a week before the election. I'm sure he's privately very nervous that something could go drastically wrong on Election Day. I'm more inclined to think that Rudd's headline grabbing interview, for the Sunday papers, and a leader story on the evening news (Sunday being the day of the biggest newspaper sales, and highest audiences for evening news) is yet another example of his CIA-quality psychological war against John Howard.

Expect Howard, or at least a few of his ministers (we're looking at you Downer) to absolutely flip out at Rudd's "incredible arrogance" in unveiling his 'Once I've Won' agenda.

Now Shanahan Tries I-R-O-N-Y : Denying Polls "Defies Logic"

After writing numerous columns this year where he stubbornly ignored that Labor was absolutely, relentlessly, canning the Coalition in poll after poll after poll, notorious pro-Howard propagandist for The Australian newspaper Dennis Shanahan is now claiming the Coalition's desperate position of last defence, that the polls must surely wrong, "defies logic."

Yes, really :

John Howard only has one chance left to retain government: the published polls are wrong.

It's a scenario that takes another beating from today's Newspoll survey, showing swings in the 18 most marginal Coalition seats no better than the general polls, which have shown a consistent Labor lead of 8-10 points on a two-party-preferred basis all year.

Yet party officials on both sides, federal and state, insist the contest remains close and the election will be tight.

This defies logic and the published polls. How could a contest that has been poles apart ever since Rudd became leader of the Labor Party become tight overnight on November 23?

Err, that's pretty much the same question that the bloggers you and your editor had an absolute shitfit about, back in July, have been asking you, Mr Shanahan, all year long. How can you defy the logic of the polls?

There will be so much back-flipping from Australia's conservative media in the next week, as they try to recast themselves as not backers of the losing team, that editorial floors will look more like Olympic gymnastic venues. But full of not nearly so attractive, or limber, gymnasts.

Bolt Tries I-R-O-N-Y

Tony Abbott Furious At Dirty, Rotten Labor Trick He Didn't Think Of Pulling First

Andrew Bolt, of the Herald Sun, sure knows "crude propaganda" when he sees it.

And why wouldn't he? It's his daily currency.

Bolt figures Lateline fell for a pretty seedy Labor party trick when they aired carefully edited video of Tony Abbott revealing, at a public meeting held during the week, that a great swathe of workers "protections" had been swept away by WorkChoices. It was Tony Abbott speaking the truth.

But the full, unedited video shows Abbott explaining his point in more detail, while making the exact same point. However, the video aired by Lateline on Thursday night had been slickened into a fast soundbite that played on all TV networks and most radio news bulletins throughout Friday. A flood of stories claimed Abbott had admitted WorkChoices robbed workers of once valued protections (he did), and that he said if you don't like your job, then quit.

Another full day of Howard and Abbott forced onto the defensive, and seen nervously answering questions about how WorkChoices is screwing workers. Not how either would have wanted, or planned, to spend the day.

And all this was on top of the auditor general's report which revealed Howard & Friends had rorted the taxpayers of hundreds of millions of dollars in 2004 for pet projects in electorates where they were begging or paying for votes. Howard was left mumbling that he "hadn't been briefed on the report." Ha!

In all, an absolutely nightmarish day for Coalition, which must have had Howard wondering if someone had slipped hallucinogens into his breakfast eggs.

Bolt claims the 'edited' video was a crude and dirty trick by Labor, echoing Tony Abbott, naturally.

The woman who may well be deputy prime minister soon, Julia Gillard, fired back with :

"What appears on that tape is what Mr Abbott said. There has been nothing done to that tape, it appears as Mr Abbott said it, with the words coming out of his mouth that he said and he meant."

Which is true enough. No matter how the video is sliced and diced, Abbott said what he said. The only context is that Abbott and Bolt hate the way it played to the public.

A crude, dirty trick dreamed up by Labor and given life by Lateline?

As crude a dirty trick as the 'video scandal' orchestrated by Liberal attack dogs (hmm, Tony Abbott?) and a appallingly pliant media during the 2004 campaign, where Mark Latham spent endless days denying there was a virtual pornographic bucks night video of him floating around.

There was no video. It was simply a sleazy smear campaign originating in Crikey, and then widely promoted, discussed and debated by Andrew Bolt's media friends and colleagues.

Perhaps Andrew Bolt is more upset by the fact that the edited Abbott video got so much play in the media and was so effective in ramming home Labor's mantra that workers are far worse off under WorkChoices?

Rudd's now legendary 'head messing' continues, relentlessly.

"Crude propaganda" indeed.


Health Minister Verbally Attacks Dying Man, Only Apologises After Seeing The Headlines

Tony Abbott : What A Scumbag

Tony Abbott : What A Scumbag Part Two

If The Threat Of 'Terror' To Australia Is So Great, Why Is Howard's Security So Weak?

I was photographing the security fence cutting through the Botanical Gardens, during the APEC summit, when an American jogger walked up and asked what I was doing. I showed him the camera, and some of the images, and told him it was such an amazing and weird site to see that I had to get photos.

"It's like a piece of modern art," I said, and the American laughed. "Yeah, ugly as hell."

I asked him if he was a Bush secret service agent, on a break, a question he ignored completely. He then asked if John Howard went for a walk every morning along the foreshore of the harbour, like he had seen on the news.

Every morning he's in Sydney, I said. The American nodded and snorted a laugh, before saying something along the lines of "He's not worried about his security then?"

It's a question worth considering. No doubt John Howard insists on a low key security presence, so passers-by are able to say hello and shake his hand. He clearly enjoys the contact with the people, and it looks good on TV as well.

But if the threat of terrorism to Australia is so great, so real, and so pending, you also have to ask why it is that any terrorist's presumed number one target leaves himself wide open, every morning on his walk, and at almost every speech and public appearance?

All of this was sparked by the incident today, where a man armed with a pooper scooper tried to "rush" the prime minister during a speech. The man was holding the pooper scooper, he said, because he wanted to clean up Howard's smelly trail of non-core promises that he's left in his wake :

A protester carrying a doo-doo collector surged towards the prime minister, getting to within three metres of him as the PM took the stage.

The man - wearing a badge marked Ken Franklin but later identified as education union official Ken Case - was tackled by security and thrown out of the Convention Centre, before explaining he had been collecting Mr Howard's non core promises.

And a long and festy trail of broken promises it is indeed.

If Howard's lax security is anything to go by, perhaps the threat of terrorism is not quite as intense as all those evening TV ads and intrusive airport security checks might lead you to believe it is.

If the prime minister, a prime mover in the horrific War On Iraq, can leave himself so wide open to protesters and possible snipers every morning and every afternoon, what the hell are the rest of plebs supposed to be afraid of?

Murdoch Mouthpiece Barks : Pro-Peace Aussies Hate News That Less Iraqis Are Being Slaughtered

A gruesome example of absurdity from the editor of The Australian newspaper, Chris Mitchell :

The sad fact is that for most of the anti-war Left, the only thing that matters is delivering a defeat to the Bush administration, and in achieving that end the Iraqi people are expendable.

The anti-war, anti-American Left should be ashamed, but precisely for this reason they continue to look away when Iraq doesn't fail in the way they wish.

What absolute twaddle.

Mitchell clearly still believes in the fantasy that only 'The Left' are opposed to war on defenceless people. That means something like 70% of Australians, and even a greater number of Americans, must be 'Lefties'.

This is yet more garbage about the fictional Left/Right paradigm so favoured by those who want to divide the populace into pro-this and anti-that, honing in on what supposedly divides the minority instead of focusing on what unites the vast majority.

Hundreds of thousands of Australians didn't march in the streets of towns and cities across the nation in early 2003 because they wanted the United States to be defeated in Iraq. They marched because they didn't want Iraqis to be slaughtered in an illegal war. They knew they were being conned, by media like The Australian, and they knew that the War On Iraq would lead to massive civilian death tolls and untold suffering.

The 'pro-peace' movement so despised by an ever depleting slice of Australian and American 'conservatives' are now supposed to be furious that the death rate of Iraqis is dropping?

This is maniacal spin of the most chilling kind.

The editor of The Australian, Chris Mitchell, is deploying his version of the fabled "six more months" argument rolled out by so many talking heads on American news shows through the past four years. If we stay "six more months" everything will be just wonderful and dreamy.

To try and now claim that the pro-peace movement is disappointed by the very recent reduction in Iraqi civilian deaths is just plain bizarre, and incredibly insulting to every Australian war veteran (thousands of them) who protested the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq because they knew, from experience, that war simply doesn't work when it comes to solving a problem like that posed by Saddam Hussein and his alleged arsenal of WMDs. The very same veterans who shook their heads in disgust when newspapers like The Australian enthusiastically pumped the fable that the Iraq War would have only a small number of civilian deaths.

It's not the pro-peace movement who have to rethink their positions on the War On Iraq. Their concerns and fears were proven right by the hundreds of thousands of civilians killed or maimed, the appalling insurgency, the horrific humanitarian crisis, the millions more who were forced to flee their homes and their country and the continuing destruction of the nation's infrastructure.

It is the pro-war mob who have to admit that they were wrong to back an illegal war against a mostly defenceless country, in the face of untold warnings about NeoCon lies on WMDs, and of the tribal and ethnic massacres and guerilla warfare that would inevitably follow the invasion.

Chris Mitchell also writes :

It is far too early to declare victory...

Declare victory? Nobody, except Murdoch mouthpieces like Chris Mitchell, is ever going to officially declare 'Victory' in the War On Iraq.

Not even President Bush mentions the 'V' word much any more.

War was not the right answer when it came to Iraq, no matter how much those who were so very involved in dispensing and pumping the BushCo. propaganda campaign in this country, like Chris Mitchell, to try and dupe Australians into backing the Iraq War fiasco, want to believe it all worked out for the best.

Chris Mitchell and the massed ranks Murdoch propagandists failed to get even one-third of the country on side back in early 2003 to support the illegal invasion, and they fail still in their gruesome efforts to find diamonds amongst all the death and destruction unleashed upon Iraq.

Mitchell should be ashamed of himself.


The Suicide Soldier Epidemic : 6000 'War On Terror' Veterans Killed Themselves In 2005

The Chaser : We Are Wankers


Channel Seven boss David Leckie

On Wednesday night, Channel Seven's Today Tonight devoted a solid, ad free 18 minutes to The Chaser. Unfortunately, it wasn't very funny. It was mostly footage of a couple of The Chaser team caught out in the midst of a stunt in the offices of Today Tonight, talking about calling their lawyers, saying their needed to speak to their lawyers and then speaking to their lawyers.

The funniest moments were delivered by a Today Tonight 'reporter' who berated The Chaser for "trespassing". This from Today Tonight less than a week after they aired footage of one of their reporters and a camera team refusing to leave the front yard of a western Sydney family, after being asked to get off the property God knows how many times.

The only big laugh from the increasingly symbiotic relationship between Today Tonight and The Chaser was the Rodney Rude-esque reaction from Channel Seven boss David Leckie :

'Where's The Chasers? What about The Chasers team? They're just f---ing wankers. They're nothing but a bunch of tossers, they're f---ing wankers."

The Chaser reaction?

"We are wankers," said Chaser executive producer Julian Morrow. "We make fun of people so we can't expect people not to make fun of us."

Morrow also got off another good line when he learned that Today Tonight had gone to court to stop them airing footage they had shot during the Today Tonight 'ambush'.

"We're stunned that Today Tonight has completely beaten up this story. Who do they think they are? Today Tonight?"

The Chaser and Today Tonight both need to take a long break from each other.

Or team up for a joint show.