Thursday, November 27, 2008

More New Zealand :

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

How Does He Do It?

Many readers of The Professional Idiot have wondered and asked this very same question of TPI's valuable, comment and hit generating nemesis, 'Barry Bones' :

How indeed? 'Barry Bones' is the dim, Evil Pagan Lefty all red-blooded conservatives love, and sometimes live, to hate. Some of TPI's true believers will be driven to reply in CAPS, so very angry has 'Barry Bones' made them. When 'Bones' is gone, he/she is very much missed by the locals. A few dozen TPI commenters with time to kill can only agree with each other for so long, and wrack up only so many comments, before they need the fresh meat spill of a cliche-spangled Evil Pagan Lefty word-farting his mind. When 'Barry' is kind enough to make an appearance, dozens of comments mocking and correcting and abusing him/her follow. Traffic at TPI's must surely surge (perhaps 10 or 20%) when 'Barry Bones' has delivered another reliable, coffee-spraying, fist-clenching, spurl of expected yet still shocking Lefty ignorance and vapidity.

It must be hard for TPI not to look forward to 'Barry Bones' deciding to sprinkle some of his/her traffic generating brain snot into the comments. Times are tough, even at Murdoch's empire of digital white noise, and those paid the most have to deliver the audience numbers. So TPI can breathe a little snorf of relief that 'Barry Bones' has dropped by to help out.

Barry gets in the first comment :

'Barry Bones' gets in the first comment early, real early, this time. How does he/she do it? Maybe 'Barry Bones' should have been snipped for time travelling instead.
"We Can Give Their Parents A Carbon Credit Bonus, But Only If They Volunteer"

It seems a bit of a harsh solution to overcrowding issues at child care centres, but these are dark days we're living in. From the Sydney Morning Herald :

"This Car Ad Needs More Shots Of Fat Bearded Blokes Wolfing Down Sloppy Pies And Chiko Rolls"

It's a weird feeling coming across such an iconic mid-70s ad, particularly one you remember so well, loaded as it is with hairy blokes, Holdens, tits, Holdens, kangaroos, Holdens and a damn catchy theme song, which taught you, apparently, all you needed to know about what it meant to be an Australian, back then.

That song....a memory bomb detonates. Suddenly remember the full names and faces of friends from back then, barely remembered in three decades, that used to sing that song walking home from school, every afternoon, before getting chased by the Ford-loving sixth graders, every afternoon. Kids used to brawl over whether Fords or Holdens were the better cars, at least they did where I grew up. I once saw a seven year old mate take three big hits in the guts by a trio of Ford freaks, "Say Ford is better and we'll let you go," he refused to speak such blasphemy, he took his punches like a man. And they talk about brand-loyalty as if it's something new.

Has there been any car ad since that dared to use images of hairy blokes scoffing down their lunches while they walked along the street to brand their product?

Monday, November 24, 2008

There's a lot of sheep in New Zealand, we know this, but there are also a lot of ducks, particularly at caravan parks and camp sites. Lots of ducks.

Auckland, New Zealand.

I spent ten days in New Zealand, most of it travelling through the Northland, but the first few days were in Auckland. These images are from the blindingly green, 140 year old graveyard in Grafton Gully, right in the heart of the city. A spectacle place to stumble upon, a steep walk into a lush world of bird life, graves and history.

You step down from a busy city street, and the deeper you walk into the gully, the more wild and overgrown the foliage storms of trees, palms, vines and fern fronds become. And the deeper you go, the older the graves turn out to be, many all but totally consumed by the growth, forgotten, cracked and shattered headstones from the 1880s and 1890s, thigh thick roots splitting tombs, wrought iron twisted and warped.

The graves that mark the lives that helped build a city, slumping and tumbling down into a light-dabbled mini-wilderness.

A truly amazing place to lose an hour or three.

Monday, November 17, 2008

So, sorry for the lack of updates, but I'm on assignment at the moment, for a few days more. And to the fuckers who think this is the opportune time to 'raid' my house, be warned, my housesitters are extremely violent and easily spooked.

Christ it's horrible being away from your own computer. Right now, a middle aged German couple at the next computer are actually staring straight at my screen as I type this, while they wait for whatever 'places to be freely nude' site loads on their puter. Can they read English? I don't know. Let's find out. FUCK OFF YOU GERMAN BASTARDS!...

No, they can't read English, they're still smiling at me, nodding, yes, yes, yes, thank God they didn't win World War II and take over the world, eh? Hell, imagine what the United States would be like if a bunch of Nazis and their sympathisers and generations-on business associates seized the White House in 2001?

Clearly, I've already said enough.

Back to normal sparodic and/or five-times-a-day postings soon.

Rock onwards.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Unfiltered No Option Filtered Internet No Access Blacklist Unoption

By Darryl Mason

Ominous, impractical and very listy :

The Government plans to have two streams of filtered (internet) content.

The mandatory portion will adhere to a blacklist of thousands of illegal web pages managed by ACMA and an optional clean feed of URLs that would automatically censor content, mostly adult material.

You can "plan" all you like, it's not going to happen. Unless the United States, Europe and the UK also come on board with almost identical and compatible net filtering systems and that would be far too Global Government-like and New World Order-ish to ever become a reality.


Until it's hacked and released, we won't get to see the full "Blacklist" of sites that your government deems you should never be able to see, but it will include political, alternative news and so-called 'hate' sites. You won't hear much or anything about those news and political sites, but you will surely hear about a few of the other websites that will make The Blacklist, and they will be shocking and disgusting and tabloidia like The Daily Telegraph will leap all over the horrific Snuff and live suicide and Watch Me Torture This Kitten websites held as Examples Of Shame and will help pump the need for The Blacklist to be expanded even more and 'Do You Know Of A SickSite That Should Be On The Blacklist? Vote Now!'

The Rupe, however, will make sure that the Daily Telegraph and the rest of his online media, and even his more gruesome columnists, will never make it onto even the suggestion list for the Blacklist.

And none of The Rupe's newspapers or columnists should be on The Blacklist, but then neither should a pile of already very popular international and alternative news websites and blogs that tell Australians about a world of news and opinion that rarely if ever even makes the letters pages of The Australian or The Herald Sun or the Sydney Morning Herald.

The Blacklist will be a majestically powerful way for established mainstream media to block and crush the rising online competition, or at least limit its accessibility, which of course is its lifeblood. Not that ex-Australian media giants like The Rupe would ever stoop to such anti-competition tactics like that.

You get the feeling that the Rudd Government doesn't really know as much as it thinks it does about what Australians want from the internet, and what they want to read and hear and watch.

Shutting down access to The Pirate Bay, for starters, will incite raw fury in the hundreds of thousands of Australians who use it every day. They Will Not Be Pleased, and they will be motivated to find ways around the Government Internet Gateway Censors, of which there are many.

Anything that slows down net speeds, as all total filtering systems must do, will make every online gamer in the country (and there are many tens of thousands of them as well) shout "Fuck Rudd!"

The scope and scale of Australians who will be annoyed, inconvenienced and disrupted by Total Net Filtering will be massive, and the political fallout will be hard to estimate, and plan for.

You'll know just how much freedom of speech and free media the Rudd government believes in when the filters go live, for all major ISPs, towards the middle and end of 2009. Curiously, about the same time that very similar Total Net Filtering systems are expected, or hoped, to be up and running in the United States, the UK and across Europe.

Hell of a coincidence...

UPDATE : Sorry, I should have mentioned this at the start of the story, but this is all about stopping child porn. Of course.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Bullets For The Bombs

This is why "Imam Samudra and brothers Amrozi and Mukhlas" were tied to pieces of wood and shot through the heart yesterday. This is what they did to 202 people, from more than a dozen countries around the world, including 88, mostly young, Australians. This is what bombs and missiles and artillery do to human beings all over this war of and against terror.

Photos are from here

Revenge for the revenge for the revenge has been vowed, by an isolated, feverish few, while the majority remain appalled that this years-long nightmare of death and misery and sadness ever happened, ever began, ever smeared the name of Bali with the blood of foreign tourists.

The hatred and intolerance that drives men to do such things no doubt still burns strong in the hearts of some, but you have to believe, at least you want to believe, that this fever will fade, must fade, that it will not spread, does not grow, that any religious or political belief that promises a better life promises the same for all humanity.

They wanted to die for what they did. Now they are dead. They died in far less agony and fear than many of their victims.

There is consolation in knowing they cannot taunt the families of their victims anymore simply by being alive.

Claire Hatton, who lost her husband in the 2002 attacks :
"I saw a quote by Mahatma Gandhi and it said: 'The trouble with an eye for an eye is that it makes us all blind'. That's what I think."

Maria Kotronakis lost two cousins and also two sisters in the attacks :

"We're very happy ... we've waited a very long time for this and this is our justice.

"Finally the moment has come ... we are over the moon."

John Mavroudis, who lost his son David :
(he) said he "couldn't care less" about the bombers.

"I don't give a damn about them really ... we just try and get on with our lives."

A panoramic night image of the incredibly serene memorial to the victims in Kuta, Bali

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Live Tourists Wanted To Pay To Swim With Crocodiles For Bemusement Of Northern Territorians

Life in the Territory :
"In the Northern Territory, the saltwater crocodile is an icon and is part of our life. They are always in the news, either in someone's swimming pool or killing someone's favorite horse..."
Man and the Crocodile can co-exist peacefully together, particularly in Darwin when it's usually too bloody hot for man or crocodile to be bothered trying to kill each other. Besides, crocodiles must comprehend by now that chomping down on humans brings much violent attention and stomach opening.

Crocodiles watch, carefully, and remember details of the movements of animals and humans in their stretch of the river for years. They know we bring flesh bags far meatier and tastier than we into their world. I'm not sure how many horses are taken by crocodiles in the NT each year, but it sure sounds like enough for it be of a 'Oh bugger, not again' frequency.

You can now go swimming with five metre long saltwater crocodiles. It's The Territory's most thrillingest new tourist attraction.

Yes, enjoy that, live bait....sorry, I mean tourists.

Getting within ten feet of the monster below is as close as I ever want to get to a crocodile again. The electrifyingly vicious snap of those jaws unleashes a primal, ancient terror that pumps hot adrenalin into your veins and turns your stomach into a trembling clenched fist.

Even on a boat, embedded on a muddy bank into which you will sink to your knees if you step off, it's with a brittle resistance that you must fight the panic-mode flight of Go! Run For Your Fucking Life! when the crocodile suddenly, and with great agility, lifts that massive head and turns those ice-cold reptilian eyes on you.

Come on, run! I dare you...

The Ocean Was Dark And Evil That Day, My Friends

Photo by Andrew Buckley

The surfer of this 40 foot wave, on a reef some fifteen kilometres off the coast of Western Australia, explains what it feels like, to do that :

“It was not like any other wave I’ve seen, it was a real evil wave, the hardest wave I’ve ever had to surf.

“It all happened so quickly though I didn’t even realise what was happening, I just knew it was a big, powerful chuck of ocean, it was just amazing.”

“It breaks so far out, right in the middle of the ocean, the deepest water you can get. It’s really cold and choppy and rough, and the water is really black out there, it’s very creepy and eerie to be out there.”

More Photos & Story Here

Friday, November 07, 2008

Points For Effort

Now this, this is amazing...

Snake Nearly Swallows Whole Kangaroo - Watch more free videos

Do snakes dare each other on to such remarkable feats of jaw stretching?

"Pffft. I once ate a whole koala, claws, everything."

"Oh yeah? Right. See that wallaby over there? Well, watch this!"

Another fantastic video to anti-promote Australia to tourists. 'It's not just dingos that can swallow your baby.'

Note to international readers : as the video shows, we Australians really do stand around in crowds on suburban street corners watching huge snakes trying to swallow wallabies and 'roos. Happens all the time.
Not So "Funny", Now...

In August, The Daily Telegraph's Tim Blair thought events following the sacking of more than 500 staffers and journalists from The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald was "fun" and "hilarious".
(Sacked staffers are) having a little rally in Sydney tomorrow morning, in case you’re wondering about an apparent increase in the city’s homeless population. Sing along, comrades!
Blair was particularly excited about the sacking of a highly paid Herald columnist.

But how many laughs will Blair get out of the fact that his boss Rupert Murdoch is about to start sacking some of Blair's own friends and fellow staffers, along with a savage culling of his barnyard of highly paid columnists?

Announcing a 30-per-cent fall in first-quarter profit yesterday, the media magnate, 77, said the company would step up cost cutting and "manage down" staff numbers where appropriate.

Asked about his newspapers in Britain and Australia, where News publishes The Australian, The Daily Telegraph and The Courier-Mail, Mr Murdoch told analysts: "You will see even leaner operations in both those places. I'm not prepared to say how many people - I know, but I don't want the headlines - but expect across-the-board cuts."

News shares fell 21 per cent yesterday, posting their biggest losses since December 1990, after the company said its operating earnings would fall as much as 15 per cent in 2008-09.

"Did you get fired, pal?"

"No, of course not. I was managed down."

Bridgit at Grods explains here why Murdoch's Sackapalooza Festival exposes The Rupe's first Boyen lecture on Australia's future as :
"...a masterly concoction of cloying nationalistic cliches and paternalistic bullshit."

There's an interesting rumour coming from media friends in the US that Murdoch will follow the example of a growing number of American newspapers and will take at least one of his own Australian newspapers out of printed circulation, to become an online only production with greatly reduced staff numbers, by next February or March.

I'll predict The Australian will get the chop from daily printed editions to become a more lavish, more expensive weekend newspaper, maybe with two magazines and a weekly free DVD.

It seems impossible to think that actual newspapers could eventually disappear, but without classified advertising, most newspapers can't afford to keep going, unless they raise circulations and cover prices and shred staff numbers.

The more newspapers rely on simply printing up Reuters and Associated Press wire stories and running syndicated op-eds, as the Sydney Morning Herald now does incessantly, instead of having actual reporters reporting on real local news, the more newspapers will die. The more reporters they sack, the less individual and local those daily newspapers will become and the less reasons there will be for readers to buy those papers. It does sound like doom.

For me at least, the daily newspaper is already all but non-existent, unless there's a long train ride to be...rodden. I've read most of the next day's paper online by about 2am. From the age of about 12 to only recently, I brought newspapers every single day, without fail. The idea of letting a whole day pass without picking up a newspaper was thought blasphemy, and downright wrong. But I can't say I even noticed when a full week had passed without having picked up a weekday newspaper along with lunch, or the evening bread and milk run.

But losing the weekend newspapers, that actual bundle of magazines and supplements and wind-catching broadsheet pages, will be devastating, and will forever change the fabric of lazy Saturday mornings, particularly those Saturday mornings spent sipping lattes at a paperback-sized, heavily leaning, curb-side table at an achingly fashionable Newtown coffee shop after a big night 'reading Miranda Devine'.
The New Anti-Americanism : Obama Win Is A "Victory For Stupidity"

By Darryl Mason

It's only been 48 hours, but the rise in Australia of the new anti-Americanism, now that Barack Obama has won the White House, by millions of votes instead of just a few hundred, has been swift, shocking and sickening.

And the worst of this vile new anti-Americanism comes from the Murdoch media.

Tens of millions of Americans voted to end the nation-gutting eight year rule of Republicans in the White House, but Australia's finest conservative, Liberal minds can't stop talking about the colour of Obama's skin. Obama didn't win, they tell us, because he had more popular policies and ideas, he only won because he is black, and "many, many Americans" only voted for him because they were stricken with whitey guilt.

Evil Pagan Lefties hated the Bush administration, that much is clear, but these anti-American extremists in the Murdoch media are claiming the majority of Americans are so dim, so deluded, they only voted for Obama because he is black, like them, or black enough to assuage white man guilt for building a nation off the broken backs of millions of African slaves.

America is now, claims one Murdoch dancing bear, "a racist nation".

Another claims Obama's win is a "victory for stupidity".

Seriously, this is how fucked up Murdoch's ballistic-bile-brethren have become months before Obama takes his seat behind that beautiful old desk in the West Wing. No doubt, their anti-American extremism will grow only more bitter and twisted.

One of the worst of these new anti-American extremists is The Australian columnist, Janet Albrechtsen. It should come as no great surprise that this anti-American sits on the ABC board.

Here Janet suffers a hilarious but disturbing downward spiral of the brain. She starts by making up headlines for an event that didn't happen :

Had Republican John McCain beaten the odds and been elected the 44th US President today, the sure-fire headline would have been “America is a racist nation”...

Now, I’m sure there are many Americans who did not vote for Obama because he is black. Some may well live in Wasilla. Hockey-mom Palin may well have encouraged them to turn out to vote for McCain. But let me run this by you. If it’s racism when an American refuses to vote for Obama because he is black, surely it is also racism when an American votes for Obama because he is black. And can anyone deny that plenty of Americans did just that when they voted for him?

Yes, they can deny that. They voted for a Democrat who wants to end the Iraq War and provide health care to the poor, for starters.

...let’s not for a second be so deluded – or hypocritical – as to imagine that race was not a reason why many, many Americans voted for him.

That must be it. They successfully fought the irresistable urge to return the Republican Party to power, while more than 90% of Americans say the country was headed in the wrong direction, just because Obama's dad was from Kenya? You're insane! the meantime let me be the first to say...that this election result confirms that the US is still, in part, a racist nation.

Maybe through your hate-blinded, anti-American eyes, Janet, but the rest of us saw millions of grinning young Americans, of all religions and races, dancing in the streets of their hometowns, together, united, and so damn happy.

The Professional Idiot remains obsessed, as usual, with the colour of a man's skin. November 5 :
The Democrats are offering the cool, young black guy promising change - the African American whose mere election will heal the country’s racial wounds. The man whose age, colour and African heritage suggests he’s of a new century, a new order.

A black president. Fantastic. Now can we all get over this colour thing?
Sure. Can you?


November 5 (later) :
America has elected its first black president.

If you are really looking for a race-based vote, how can anyone avoid the black vote in this election?
No. No. No. No.

November 7 :
Some 95 per cent of black voters backed the black guy against McCain...

True, looking black, he didn’t need to say more...

The Daily Telegraph's Piers Akerman claims Obama's big win is "a victory for stupidity." :
Without a white woman contesting the party’s nomination, it seems unlikely a black man would have won the party’s vote.

Though Obama’s Republican opponent, war hero and former PoW and US Senator John McCain, has not raised race as an issue, the Democrats have used it to engender a sense of guilt in white Americans who harbour doubts about Obama’s capacity as the leader of the free world. Not to support Obama raises the question of whether that decision has a racist undertone...
Then there was the Daily Telegraph's Tim Blair trying to claim, on ABC's Insiders, that the only reason Barack Obama could pull 100,000 people to a speech was because he had "The Rolling Stones" opening for him, which never happened.

How shocking and crushing it must be for these new anti-American extremists to actually realise that 100,000 "Victory For Stupidity" Americans could gather to hear a political speech because they were interested in...politics?

Maybe they preferred it when Americans didn't pay enough attention to national politics so that George W. Bush could get 'elected' twice? Because Americans sure seem to be paying attention now, don't they?

Seriously, all of you Murdoch-sponsored anti-American extremists need to GET SOME HELP.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Disgusting Anti-Americanism Rears Its Mutated, Festering Head

The Professional Idiot's fading legion of Secret Fuckwits express themselves in the only way they know how when faced with the utter political demolition of the world's biggest, most powerful conservative government :

That blog is the home of the new anti-Americanism. So much hate for the world's greatest democracy. The threats have already begun to flow, have been flowing for days. No doubt, ASIO and a dozen other intelligence agencies around the world monitor the hatred. Closely.
John Howard, February 2007 : Al Qaeda Should "Hang On" In Iraq And Pray "As Many Times As Possible" For Barack Obama To Become The American President

By Darryl Mason

Pointing out that President George W. Bush can have moments of confusion about international forums ("APEC/OPEC"?) is not an international scandal. Kevin Rudd is right. What John Howard tried to do to Barack Obama as soon as it became clear he might have a reasonable shot at ending two centuries of mostly privileged white male rule of the White House was far, far worse, and will be a larger and far more noticed footnote in history now that Obama is president.
John Howard was the first high profile conservative to carefully try and link the words 'Obama' and 'Al Qaeda' in the international media, back on February 11, 2007, doing so within hours of Barack Obama announcing he intended to go for the Democratic Party's presidential
nomination :

The conservative leader said on commercial television that Senator Obama's pledges on Iraq were good news only for insurgents operating in the war-ravaged country.

"I think that will just encourage those who want to completely destabilise and destroy Iraq, and create chaos and a victory for the terrorists to hang on and hope for an Obama victory," Mr Howard told the Nine Network.

"If I were running al-Qaeda in Iraq, I would put a circle around March (sic) 2008 and be praying as many times as possible for a victory not only for Obama but also for the Democrats."

Obama's response was tough, and quick :

"I think it's flattering that one of George Bush's allies on the other side of the world started attacking me the day after I announced," Mr Obama told reporters in the mid-western US state of Iowa.

"I would also note that we have close to 140,000 troops in Iraq, and my understanding is Mr Howard has deployed 1400, so if he is ... to fight the good fight in Iraq, I would suggest that he calls up another 20,000 Australians and sends them to Iraq. Otherwise it's just a bunch of empty rhetoric."

Kevin Rudd's response on February 12, 2007 :
"Mr Howard must not allow his personal relationship with President Bush to impact on Australia's long-term alliance relationship with the United States."

"I disagreed with the coalition's decision to invade Iraq ... But I have seen it as my role to discuss the future of Australian foreign policy on Iraq, not lecture United States citizens on how they should vote in the upcoming presidential election."
Of course, Al Qaeda want the wars that have cost the United States tens of thousands of lives, minds and limbs, and more than a trillion dollars, to continue for as long as possible. Bin Laden's announced strategy at the start of the war was to bankrupt the United States through endless war, so Al Qaeda endorsed John McCain :
"Al-Qaeda will have to support McCain in the coming election...(McCain will continue the) failing march of his predecessor."

Howard's unprecedented interference in American elections was the first sign to me that he was was full of panic over the majority of Australians, British and Americans rejecting the continuation of the Iraq War and that he was going to lose the late 2007 elections, if he didn't get tossed from the leadership first. It was an extremely stupid thing to do, and a clear sign that Howard was losing his previously razor-sharp political instincts, perhaps from drinking, or a bit of dementia.

Howard's attack on Obama was the first or second story on every American national news broadcast that Sunday night, and both Republicans and Democrat senators told Howard to butt out of their politics. President Bush did not come to Howard's defence, and made no comment on the incident.

Howard's hilarious, but sad, attempts to unfuck his monster fuckup only showed further how much he'd lost the plot :
" job is to try and call what I think are the consequences of certain actions against Australia's national interest..."

"...if America is defeated in Iraq, it will be a colossal blow to Western prestige and it will give an enormous boost to terrorism and to terrorists not only in the Middle East but in our part of the world and that will not be in Australia's national interest..."

"...if we are out in a year's time it will be in circumstances of defeat."

"Now that would be circumstances of defeat and I know that the consequences of that for the West, its prestige, American prestige and influence in the Middle East, to spur that would give the terrorism in the Middle East, the implications it would have for the stability of other countries in the Middle East and also in our part of the world, the spur to terrorism..."
So will John Howard publicly welcome the Barack Obama administration, and will he apologise for his bizarre and utterly false February 11, 2007 comments?

More sttories on this from February, 2007 :

Prime Minister Advises Al Qaeda In Iraq On Strategy To Defeat America And The West

Howard : Democrat Win In 2008 Presidential Elections Will Spell Victory For Al

Howard Steps Up Attack On Obama

US Democrats Say Howard's Comments "Bizarre"

Howard Vs Obama Over Iraq Dominates US News

Obama To Howard : Send 20,000 Troops To Iraq Or Shut Up
Rogue Wallabies : Luxuriantly Lawned Nursing Home Just Asking For Us To Invade And Cause Ruckus

Photo by Scott Radford-Chisolm

They are called "rogue" wallabies, and they've been "terrorising" elderly residents of a Queensland nursing home.

From here :

Wild wallabies are terrorising a Townsville retirement village, knocking over residents and defecating on lawns and patios.

Residents at Carlyle Gardens are said to be too afraid to leave their homes when the 100-strong mob runs amok in the early mornings and late afternoons.

The wallabies are crashing into cars, scooters and even elderly residents.

"Where else would they get lawns that are green and watered and people planting new plants all the time?" he said.

"The nutrition is great, there are no predators and there are no fences so they can move freely. I have been there and seen a big buck male sitting in the patios lying in the shade."

Large male wallabies, over a metre tall and weighing up to 30kg, are fighting, falling against the side of homes and damaging walls.

"Some of the residents were very worried because now they find themselves confined to their homes because they are afraid of being knocked over..."

An operation is now under way to relocate the animals.

Crazy. Why not arm the more able elderly residents, let them go to war on the wallabies and video the bloodbath? It won't do anything much for the elderly or the wallabies, but it will make for some very entertaining TV.

What absolutely incredibly evolved creatures they are :

"A kangaroo can have a joey at foot, a joey in the pouch and one inside fertilised and ready to be born if something happens to the one in the pouch."

Monday, November 03, 2008

Get Another Job You Middle Class Welfare Bludgers

By Darryl Mason

The Professional Idiot gets the nod from his ex-Australian boss and declares war on the Australian middle class, with all the venom and bile he usually reserves for single mothers, Aboriginal activists and immigrants :
"The explosion in welfare money hasn’t gone to bludgers so much as to middle-class and lower-class families that do work, but feel entitled (justified or not) to handouts of other people’s money for anything from first homes to child care. It’s bludging..."
How refreshing to hear someone who is fortunate enough to be able to work from home and still earn more than $250,000 a year lecture the middle class because they can't afford to put their children into childcare while they hold down full-time and second jobs and because they were gullible enough to believe John Howard's lies about them all being "relaxed and comfortable".

Even better to hear the same hectoring from one of the richest men in the world, about how shameful it is that the Australian middle classes (or the New Poor) want and/or expect minimal financial help to prop up their McMansion, two kids in childcare, two cars, two jobs reality, even though that fantasy was routinely primed and pumped through all of Murdoch's Australian newspapers for a decade :
...while real incomes increased since the end of the 1980s, about 20 per cent of the working aged population today receives income support, compared with only 15 per cent two decades ago. While a safety net is warranted for those in genuine need, we must avoid institutionalising idleness. The bludger should not be our national icon.
Yes, better our national icon be the working poor instead. Or perhaps a 50 year old man who worked and stressed himself to an early grave and missed out on seeing his children growing up.

But of course, when it comes to handouts, Murdoch was all for stiffing the American taxpayers with the $700 billion BailUp, which ensured some of those who traverse the same canape circuits as he does, back in Manhattan, are not forced to give up too much of their wealth because they monumentally fucked up the American economy and the retirement plans of millions of aging workers.

The lyrics of an old Insurge song, circa mid-1990ss, come to mind :
You tell me everyone without a job should go away and die,
And what the government spends on welfare really makes you cry,
Well, you're a strange little thing,
You don't mind if a rich man does his thing,
When he gets his subsidies and tax breaks,
And his research and development grants
This is welfare for the rich,
but because it's welfare for your mates,
Here I am living in a welfare state
Here's a comment I made yesterday on The Professional Idiot's near total supplication to his boss, and why he should feel the hot sting of shame for being such a monumental wuss :

Andrew Bolt’s response to Murdoch’s speech was as expected : lame and just plain sad.

Here’s the biggest and most influential promoter of Global Warming in the world, who uses his media to endorse the reality the global warming and its “catastrophic” effects on the climate (seen Fox News lately?), and Bolt has nothing to say. Nothing.

Tim Flannery? Hell, he’ll do two hundred posts on Flannery for being an “alarmist” and a “true believer” and supposedly trying to destroy the world economy, but Murdoch gets a total pass. Is Murdoch a “true believer” in the “new pagan faith?” According to Bolt’s definitions, he sure is.

Does Bolt remind Murdoch that global warming has supposedly stopped? Or that climate change belief makes you a Green Nazi? Does Bolt tell Rupert that his mind has been poisoned by Al Gore’s new religion, statistical fakery and enviro-fascism? Of course not.

The fact that Murdoch is Bolt’s boss is not enough of an excuse for Bolt not taking Murdoch’s claims and advocacy of, for starters, climate change and Aboriginal reconciliation down to the mat.

Murdoch is reiterating primarily the Labor Party platform that won them the election, and Bolt has nothing to say. AT ALL. Even more bizarrely, Bolt’s followers mostly agree with Rupert, and support Bolt’s echoing of Rupert’s Ron Paul Meets Al Gore beliefs and opinions. In fact, they praise him for his vision and clarity.

It’s hallucinatory reading those comments. How many of these commenters are paid for their work? How many are News Ltd staffers? What other explanation can there be for almost unanimous support amongst Boltists when Rupert wings in from hanging out with Evil Pagan Lefties and ‘The Hollywood Elite’ in Manhattan and LA to remind Australia that climate change is a reality, that Aboriginal reconciliation is a priority, that welfare for poor people is a necessity and that John Howard was wrong on just about everything?

Bolt doesn’t believe what he writes, not really. That couldn’t be any more obvious now. How he handles Rupert Murdoch is always a good test. No doubt, Bolt is a passionate believer in some of his regular subjects of mockery and derision, but only just a few. Most of it is there for pure entertainment, to tap and trap a target audience of dwindling Howard-era conservatives.

What sort of man lets his boss trample all over his supposedly passionate, righteous beliefs and then hails him for doing it?

It’s clear too, now, that Bolt is also there to feed really bad ideas and self-circling missions to the Liberal Party, who plunge deeper into The Shit the more they do what he tells them to do. How can Coonan, Turnbull and Abbott not see that doing Bolt’s bidding harms them, not helps them?

A perfect example of this is Bolt’s demands that the Liberal Party go nuts over Rudd’s public mocking of President Bush over the G20 phone call. The story didn’t catch fire with the media because there is essentially nothing there. Bolt knows this, but he drives the Libs on and on to chase their own tails over it, when next to no-one outside of politics or the Boltarium could give a shit. Bolt also knows that the editor of The Australian newspaper was present when the Rudd-Bush call occurred, and that’s why the story got into The Australian newspaper in the first place. Does he tell his readers this? Of course not.

Murdoch’s got five lectures to go, where he will continue to essentially shore up much of what Rudd is planning for Australia, and our eventual integration into a larger Asia community, with China as our new, more powerful, more wealthy bestest friend.

Bolt will have five more opportunities to shred what he has told his readers, daily, he believes are dangerous and culturally disruptive ideas and policies. That they come from Murdoch should make absolutely no difference to Bolt’s usually venomous dismantling of such Evil Pagan Lefty ideals and beliefs. Considering the prominence, influence and power of the man delivering these messages of mostly liberal idealism, Bolt should be expected to spend a great deal of time indeed going at him.

Unless Bolt really is a fake, a mere entertainer, a carnival huckster, which would be disappointing for his fans and critics alike.

Do What I Tell You Or My Newspapers Will Bury You

Ex-Australian Rupert Murdoch is back in town, singing the praises of the country he loved so much, he simply had to give up his citizenship so he could make another few billion dollars in the US.

Murdoch is getting an extraordinary amount of coverage in his own newspapers for what was, essentially, a fairly uninspired speech, his first in a series of six Boyen Lectures for the ABC, where he mostly reiterated the Labor Party campaign platform from 2008.

Here's a story that isn't getting any attention at all from his Australian media news drones :
A newly disclosed Down Street memo has revealed how Tony Blair helped Rupert Murdoch overcome an official investigation which was jeopardising one of his big investments. It shows that Blair, while prime minister, immediately ordered his top officials to help the tycoon who was frustrated that a potentially lucrative scheme was being blocked by a long-running European commission investigation.

Blair told the media magnate that "he was instinctively sympathetic to what Murdoch was aiming to achieve".

Blair has been accused of granting political favours to Murdoch in return for support from his newspapers; Lance Price, a former Downing Street spin doctor, said Murdoch seemed to be one of the four most influential people in the administration.

The memo reveals an episode in 1998 - a year after the Sun's conversion to Labour - in which Murdoch appears to call in one of those favours. Murdoch had privately approached Blair when he feared that the European commission investigation was hindering his business opportunities.

Blair gathered members of his inner circle to see the tycoon - his chief of staff, Jonathan Powell; James Purnell, then a Downing Street special adviser on the media and now a cabinet minister; and his press secretary, Alastair Campbell.

Murdoch complained that the investigation by the European competition commissioner into one of his planned television schemes was costing him money. He told Blair: "The competition commissioner, [Karel] Van Miert, had come up a long list of complaints and the project was being delayed at huge cost. Sky's own investment was very significant (£800m so far) and the success of the venture was crucial to their overall plans for developing digital services."

According to the memo of the meeting in January 1998, Blair backed Murdoch, saying "it was important that the UK remained at the cutting edge of developing this kind of media product".

Murdoch's 'on demand' television retail plans were already out of date by 1998, and it was hardly surprising the whole venture went tits up when people found it far easier, and more convenient, to simply shop online through their computers.

But the above story of Murdoch basically blackmailing Tony Blair with 'unfavourable headlines' must be wrong. Surely. Everyone knows Murdoch, of course, has absolutely no influence on the editorial content or direction of any his newspapers. Right?

So far, Murdoch has had far less of an influence over Rudd than he had over Howard, who seemed genuinely terrified of the old gossip. But Murdoch media executives court Rudd and his crew, heavily, excessively. For now, Murdoch's boys come to Rudd and do the groveling. But how long can that last?

It'd be fascinating to know what Murdoch has had to say to Rudd about the government's plans to introduce an internet censorship regime even more restrictive than those in China or Iran. If it helps to peel away some of the online competition, then count it as a win for Murdoch.

Murdoch Admits, With A Laugh, That He Used His Newspapers And TV Shows To Shape Opinion For The War On Iraq

"We Can Change The Way People Think" - Murdoch Admits He Tells His Newspapers What To Print
The Australian Welfare Bludger As Ex-Prime Minister

By Darryl Mason

Ex-Australian Rupert Murdoch has a message for welfare-soakers, like our ex-prime ministers, including his old mate John Howard :
(We should be) working for a society where citizens are not dependent on the government. That means ending subsidies for people who do well...

While a safety net is warranted for those in genuine need, we must avoid institutionalising idleness. The bludger should not be our national icon.
Too bloody right.

John Howard is now clocking up over $8500 per week in 'expenses', beaten only by fellow ex-Liberal prime minister, Malcolm Fraser. And that's on top of their super-super and pensions which total beyond $400,000 a year.

Some of the items and luxuries you can claim as 'expenses' when you're a living Australian ex-prime minister :

$5000 worth of newspapers and magazines, per year.

$700 to hire indoor plants.

$3000 a week for rental of office space.

$4000 a week for office staff.

$1000 a week for mobile phones.

Naturally, Howard does not want to talk publicly about this awesome display of professional welfare-soaking.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

That's the problem with 24 hour news cycles in a country like Australia, sometimes there really just isn't all that much breaking news to report. So you get this, from the Sydney Morning Herald :

If The Crocs Don't Eat You, The Locals Will

Considering the consistent popularity of gruesome horror movies amongst the world's youth, and the lack of tourism campaigns focusing on the more grislier attractions, perhaps the Daily Telegraph is onto something here :

Now there's an advertising campaign to draw in tourists, cannibalistic locals hiding in heritage listed forests and hungry crocs cruising for meaty thighs at resort beaches.

'Australia : Will You Make It Out Alive?'
Fox News : We Don't Want To See Obama Or McCain Gunned Down, Honest

Both The Professional Idiot and his Sydney counterpart, Tim Blair, have spent plenty of time cataloguing Evil Pagan Lefties' apparent obsession with crazed American rednecks wanting to gun down Barack Obama. Hell, there's only been three known conspiracies to Obama in the past few months by, what a surprise, racist rednecks. But 'Kill The WannaBe President' imagery and allutations must be catching, because even Fox News is pumping these visuals now.

More on this here

But Fox News is owned by The Professional Idiot and Tim Blair's boss, ex-Australian Rupert Murdoch, so it must be okay then to go completely fucking insane and pump visuals like the one above to an audience that includes many heavily armed rednecks.

How much do you think Rupert himself would gain, cash in hand, from the assassination of either McCain or Obama? Remember, the increased Fox News viewership (almost triple the normal ratings) from the first year of the Iraq War, plus massive increases in sales of Murdoch newspapers across Australia, the US and England, when the war still looked likely to be won (without needing to bribe the Sunnis who were successfully killing many American soldiers a whole bunch of money to stop the slaughter), earned Rupert a few hundred million extra dollars.

A few weeks of increased viewership and historical newspaper sales following a successful assassination would have to earn him at least $20-30 million.

Thank God this circus of an election campaign, which has soaked up a truly insane amount of Australian news time, will be over in less than 100 hours. Well, probably. Then again, who the fuck knows? This is American democracy we're talking about.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

John The Howard Years : We Will Decide.....What I've Already Decided

More biased ABC programming, funded by taxpayers, loaded with the usual suspects mostly all singing the same song, and all of it aimed at making John The Howard look like an even bigger loser than he already is :

After keeping his peace for almost a year, John Howard will use a forthcoming ABC series to present his version of events leading up to last year's election loss - including why he did not stand aside in 2006.

The program also reveals that three of his government's most important policies - the GST, the Pacific solution and self-determination for East Timor - were decided with little or no discussion.

The Herald has learnt that Mr Howard, who was interviewed extensively for the four-part series, has explained candidly that he did not step aside for Peter Costello in 2006 because the vast majority of his party wanted him to stay.

An outrageous waste of taxpayers money. It's an obvious attempt by Evil Pagan Lefty ABC journalists to make Howard look like some kind of dictator for not bothering to consult with Cabinet on some of the most important decisions of his years in power.

Why won't the ABC just tell the truth - that the Howard Years were the best years in the life of any nation, in history, ever, anywhere, forever, amen?

Isn't it bad enough that Howard had to suffer the icy total humiliation of losing his seat to an ABC journalist in last year's election? Lefty, socialist, watermelon, Marxist, pagan, Whitlam worshipping, ABC brown shirterers are now devoting hours of prime time TV to letting Howard humiliate himself further in public. And you pay for it! Privatise The ABC!

It's amazing how easy it is to write like a thoroughly demented Boltoid.

Actually, 'The Howard Years' doco series sounds very illuminating :

On the Pacific solution, the former foreign minister, Alexander Downer, says the policy was formulated when he was asked by Mr Howard to "Go and find someone who will take [the asylum-seekers]". Mr Downer says that one of his staff members suggested Nauru, which was desperate for aid money.

The former deputy prime minister Tim Fischer reveals the same lack of consultation when Mr Howard decided to write to the then Indonesian president, B. J. Habibie, telling him Australia would be backing independence for East Timor. The letter "never went to cabinet," he says.

Similarly a former Howard chief of staff, Grahame Morris, says there was "no great discussion" about the GST because the prime minister was afraid of leaks.

Howard knew he couldn't trust most of those closest to him in political power. At all.
Welcome To Tasmania : The Locals Are Dying To Eat You

There's a movie kicking around that is using the natural beauty of Australia to promote itself, and thereby promoting Australian as a tourist destination, and tourism officials are right behind it.

This movie, however, is not about some English bint with a ridiculous accent and that weird side story about stressed out Manhattan media execs swimming in NT rock pools, this movie is about cannibals, and it's set in Tasmania. This is Dying Breed :

Can you use a true story about a convict era cannibalism spree to promote Tasmania as a tourist destination? Sure. Why not :
Tasmanians hope a new Australian horror film about cannibals will attract more tourists and movie makers to the Apple Isle.

The film, Dying Breed, portrays a remote Tasmanian community as flesh-eating savages.

But Tasmania Tourism Council chief executive Daniel Hanna said the movie, mostly filmed near the Pieman River, western Tasmania, should help lift the state's profile.

"Any film that shows some of the key parts .. like the rugged wilderness, is going to be a good thing and will hopefully spark some interest," Mr Hanna said today.

"Obviously as long as visitors don't expect there really to be cannibals in Tasmania."

Be careful Mr Hanna, the people in the forest don't like outsiders making jokes about them, even if you are a distant relative.

Tasmania's (locally) legendary Alexander 'Pieman' Pearce is an Australian convict era story of remarkable, brutal survival that you don't hear much about. There's a reason for that :
The Pieman River gained its name from the notorious convict Alexander 'The Pieman' Pearce who was responsible for one of the few recorded instances of cannibalism in Australia. In a bizarre footnote to the history of the region Pearce and seven other convicts attempted to cross the island to Hobart where they hoped they could catch a merchant ship and escape to some ill-defined freedom.

They lost their way and in the ensuing weeks all of the escapees disappeared except for Pearce. When he was recaptured unproven accusations of cannibalism were made against him. The following year Pearce escaped again accompanied by another convict, Thomas Cox. Once again Pearce found himself without food and, to solve the problem, he killed and ate Cox. When he was finally recaptured Pearce admitted to eating Cox and confessed to cannibalism during his first escape. He was subsequently executed in Hobart.

He didn't turn them into pies, but he was a pie maker by trade, so quite familiar with the chopping up and making use of all that offal.


The young directors of the new era of Australian Horror movies have a great attitude to the true value of the movies they make, which is probably why they've been so successful. Dying Breed director, Jody Dwyer :

"There is a move to be more commercially aware by a new wave of filmmakers that is actually getting tired with the cliches of drug ridden suburbia or flat red heat haze outback movies, we've seen a lot of them," Dwyer said.

"You are going to still make those the Rowan Woods films, – the Little Fish films because they're beautiful films but they won't do well internationally they will be respected but not do well economically.

"A lot of films are being funded that nobody wants to see and it's a shame because people want to support the industry but if something doesn't excite me I won't spend my 15 bucks."


I'm still waiting for the reverse Wolf Creek type movie, where two good-hearted, but innocent rural Australian teenagers come into the Big City for a concert, ignoring the warnings from friends about "how crazy" those city people are, and then and wind up being seduced by expensively dressed Sydney residents who hold them hostage in an Eastern Suburbs mansion, dope them with drugs and booze and then attack and torture them, promising the whole time that they "can really help them break into international modelling." The kids escape, of course, but when they run to the next house, they only find more country kids like them being drugged and assaulted. And the next house, and the next house.