Cat Plunges Nation Into Debt

Yes, the illustrations for Kevin Rudd's first children's book look innocent enough....



But while Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is fussing over his cat, outside two children are waving frantically to stop an ice-cream van, or perhaps a debt truck, from running them down :



Does Rudd notice? No he does not.

The book is not about those children, it's about Rudd's cat and dog's secret life as pro-Union Jack flag rescuers :

The Prime Minister's trusty four-footed patriot friends, of course, save the day. ''Quick Abby!'' said Jasper. ''You nab Chewy and I'll save the flag.''

In a curious piece of politically pointed satire, Senator Barnaby Joyce writes his own dialogue for Rudd's dog and cat :

Jasper – Well Abby, if we have to plan for our future we have to build on what provides for us cats now. For instance where do we cats catch mice, rats, frogs and other cat food? Where do us cats hang out and get down and dirty with other cats?

Abby – Generally derelict buildings!

Jasper – Spot on Abby! So I have been building a whole new portfolio of future useless buildings, some buildings that aren’t even needed today, so our kittens will never be short of food again. I have put them in schoolyards so they can fill up with scraps of food and old mats and furniture – and mice!

Abby – You crazy cat, you really are revolutionary. Your kittens will be so fat.

You sort of get where Senator Barnaby Joyce is coming from, and then think '.....What in all fuck? This is the shadow finance minister!' :

Jasper – I am a pretty major cat, Abby. You should see my plane and have a gander at my passport. I hang out with all the major talent and will fly anywhere in the world to do it and for absolutely any reason. No party is complete without me. You should pass by my alley and have a look at the photos.

Abby – But how did you pay for all this you crazy cat?

Jasper – Simple! Just borrow the money. I have borrowed more money than any other cat in the history of this alley, and I have made sure that we have stimulated the growth of the local tip with the purchase of a whole range of crazy cat consumables such as flat screens and toys and other electronics so if the school halls burn down we can head back to the tip.

Abby – You revolutionary cat! By the way what is the debt on the poor suckers account?

Jasper – About $120 billion and rising fast, but this cat is not the one paying for that. There’s no easier, more guilt free way to spend money, than by spending some other cats money on other cats!

Always blame the cat.

"We Asked Ourselves For A Comment But We Refused"

From Twitter :



The ABC contacted the ABC for a comment, but the ABC refused to play ball! True story.

ABC News decided not to reveal the Triple J Hottest 100 Winner (a dance remix of the 7.30 Report theme song) in this story, and links to Crikey instead to reveal all.




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A controversy has erupted in New Zealand over the publication of photos showing a Victoria Cross awarded SAS corporal walking from a building in Kabul, shortly after a gun battle that killed three insurgents and wounded 70 others.



The horror those eyes have seen.






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Do Our Drug Only

So that's why they have so many drug dogs and cops and security guards frisking people upon entry to the Big Day Out, to make sure you only consume the sponsored drug of choice :

Health experts have called for the Big Day Out music festival to drop its sponsorship deals with major alcohol companies or lift the admission age from 15 to 18.

You gotta hook 'em when they're young.



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This website claims the below satellite image was saved from the Bureau of Meteorology site on January 16 :



An explanation from the Kalgoorlie-Boulder Met Office :

It would therefore seem to be due to what is referred to as "anomalous propagation"(false echoes) or even possibly dust in the atmosphere.



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Cue Murdoch Media Outrage

Oracle Tim Blair on ABC director Mark Scott's plans for a 24 hour TV news channel :

Won’t happen.

ABC News launches 24 hour TV news channel :

“No media organisation in the country is better equipped to deliver this channel than the national broadcaster,” said ABC Managing Director Mark Scott.

“We can draw on the investment already made in the ABC, through its major newsrooms in every state and territory, 12 international bureaux and 60 regional newsrooms, to deliver to Australians a top-quality 24-hour news service that is comprehensive, independent and up to the minute.”

New programs are also being developed specifically for the channel, focusing on world news, national politics and business. Many of the ABC’s existing television news and current affairs programs will also be featured.

The Australian ran this up the flagpole to see who would salute it, on January 16 :

THE ABC's plan to launch in the next few months a 24-hour national television news service amounts to a taxpayer-funded declaration of war on commercial media outlets in Australia.

Apparently there's something inherently bad in having a news channel that is not packed with intrusive advertising.

This will not be the ABC's first foray into 24 hour news programming :

The gag at 3.30 is the news reality that all 24 hour news channels have to deal with, as will the ABC.

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An excellent series of sport-explanatory ads for the 2010 Winter Olympics on Foxtel, written by Charles Firth and Stephen Hancock :






Mumbrella Has More


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Stories I'm Reading Instead Of Writing Blog Posts Here :

"Green Disputes" In The Family Home Open Vast New Territory For Nagging And Henpecking

Director Terry Gilliam On The Difficulties Of Raising Money For His Movies

Dumping Bodies In Mass Graves Is "A Violation Of Everything The Haitians Hold Dear" But They Understand They Have No Choice

Oliver Stone Suggests We Should Take A Look At Hitler In The Context Of The History Of The Time (And Who Funded His Rise), Gets Branded A Holocaust Denier In The National Times

Wall Street Journal : "Natural Disasters Are Engines Of Development And Economic Growth"

US Troops Occupied Haiti 1915-1934, Now Obama Deploys 5000 American Soldiers To Patrol The Earthquake Aftermath

The 150 Year History Of The Stray Dogs Of Moscow - Some Have Learned To Ride The Subway "To Broaden Their Territory"

Another True Conspiracy : Years Later, The Washington Post Finally Discovers FBI Did Illegally Spy On Americans Phone Calls

Reddit Debate : Anyone Else Think Obama Isn't Doing That Bad Of A Job?

The American War On Terror Is A Holy War - Bible Codes And "Jesus Rifles"


And here's some thoughts on Digital Option Anxiety, and Why Paywalls Will Dry Out News Junkies



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Bet He'd Get His Arse Kicked By Galaga, Too

Okay, enough with the "human rights for apes" movement. They want to be treated like humans? For starters, they can impress us by cracking 2000 on Pacman. You don't have to be able to understand the voiceover in the below vid to know this chimp got in a bit of practice, before they turned on the cameras. And he's still shit at it.



On a more serious note, this vid looks to be a few years old. That's not good news. This chimp has no doubt already mastered Tetris, dabbled in Starcraft and undetartaken raids in World Of Warcraft.

It must, then, be only a matter of time before monkey hackers manage to crack CIA drone control systems, and fly Predators back to our shores to free all their brothers from our many zoos.

If I had shares in a security business targetting monkey hackers, I would say the threat of cyber attacks on armed UAV networks by our hairier planet sharers is very, very real.


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A beautiful photo of waterfalls on Uluru, submitted to ABC News by Sam Parker :



Thanks to plenty of recent rain, the Red Centre today is lush and green.

Within three years, all climbing on the Rock by tourists will be banned.

Not Enough White People Killed?

More than 50,000 dead in Haiti, hundreds of thousands injured, millions homeless, the "worst disaster the UN has ever faced", but Fairfax and Murdoch news readers have already moved on. Nothing related to Haiti, none of the incredible stories of survival, or the stunning reports from journalists who've found themselves in a literal hell of Earth, makes the most read stories lists.

Stories about a Moscow video billboard broadcasting porn, however, been extremely popular.

Murdoch's news.com.au :



Fairfax (click to enlarge) :




And this from news.com.au yesterday :



And to the side this story :


Those million orphaned girls in Haiti are apparently not as brave as an Australian girl in a yacht.



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Cannabis : The Best Way NOT To Get Mixed Up With Heavy Drugs

Another War On Drugs myth destroyed, but don't expect it to drop out of common usage by most of the mainstream media anytime soon. Particularly those who rely heavily on pharmaceutical advertising dollars....which is most of them :

Get Off My Wave

For those who missed it, here's the full 'Surfers' Code' sign (based on the "tribal rules" of the "hardened locals") that's been installed on Manly Beach, because tourists on boards are a pain in the arse (when they're not keeping local businesses alive).




Hopefully that will help keep the locals from rioting and attacking ambulances, and shouting through drunken tears about how their grandfathers died in Europe during World War II trying to protect Manly Beach.

In other Manly news, the local council, like the Taliban, has now banned kite-flying on the beach.

But the anti-fun extremism of Bondi Beach is far more intense. All footie, frisbees, pets, smoking, drinking, collecting of shells and even volleyball have been banned.

Swimming, for now, is still acceptable.



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It's Called 'The Local Angle'

The Sydney Morning Herald :



An actual news site reports on non-Australian fatalities :

Thousands Feared Dead In Devastating Haiti Quake




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Peter Jackson Considers ANZAC Movie For 100th Anniversary Of Gallipoli

Movie maker Peter Jackson (Lord Of The Rings, Lovely Bones) has a lot of movies to finish in the next few years. There's his producing and scriptwriting duties on The Hobbit Parts 1 & 2, and his directorial work on Tin Tin, for starters. But as the 100th anniversary of Gallipoli draws closer, Jackson finds himself thinking about his grandfather, who was there and won a distinguished service medal, and the numerous cinematically untold stories of Australians and New Zealand teenagers fighting together, on the other side of the world.

Here's Peter Jackson on The 7.30 Report :

"I went to Gallipoli in 1990 for the 75th anniversary. That was the amazing year where 50 diggers were taken along, 50 of the original diggers were there. And so, you know, watching the dawn parade with 50 of these old men - the youngest was 92, the oldest was 103 and they were all sitting in these chairs as light came up....

"As the sun rose or the sky started to get light...thee old guys...they weren't interested in the speeches, they were all turning round looking at the hills. And it was an amazing experience to see them all looking at this landscape that most of them hadn't seen since 1915, hadn't seen it for 75 years.

"And I was standing right beside them as they were all turning around and looking behind and up at the sphinx and all the ridges....

"....to me (Gallipoli has) been a remarkable part of our history. And Peter Weir obviously made a great movie, but Peter's movie was set around events of August 7th, August 8th, 1915. I mean, you know, the Gallipoli was a seven or eight-month-long campaign. And that story is yet to be told on film. So I'd like to do that."

You Can Watch The Interview With Peter Jackson Here

The following is rare footage restored by Peter Jackson of the ANZACS fighting at Gallipoli :



And if you're wondering what a Peter Jackson World War I movie might look like, here's the captivating trailer for a short film by Jackson and Neill Blomkamp called Crossing The Line. It was shot on March 30 and 31, 2009, as a test for the Red digital camera system.



And no, I have no idea where you can see the full version of that short movie. If you manage to find it online, please let me know.



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They're Just Cartoons, They Can't Hurt You

A cartoon controversy in an Indian newspaper :




A cartoon controversy in a Danish newspaper :



A cartoon controversy in a Jordanian newspaper :



A cartoon controversy in an Indonesian newspaper :




A cartoon controversy in an Australian newspaper :



They're just cartoons.

The controversy is almost always contrived, made up, whipped up, by story-hungry news media.

I do, however, offer my sincere apologies to those who are offended, and sickened, by one particular cartoon above. Howard taking Downer from behind is a terrible thing to expose your readers to, even on a Saturday.

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Clouds over Sydney, January 4, 2010 :









The closest cloud type I could match these to are Asperatus.

But I'll try and confirm it with the most harmless, most benign, society in existence. The Cloud Appreciation Society.




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Whales To Show Appreciation For Being Saved From Japanese Harpoons With Ceremonial Mass Beaching

The Daily Telegraph's Tim Blair on the latest whale-related fundraising promotion by depopulationist Paul Watson :

The notion that the 491-ton Shonan Maru 2 – maximum speed 12 knots – could outmanoeuvre a 13-ton, 45-knot trimaran like the Ady Gil is insane, but the media seem to be buying it.

Note, Blair doesn't name 'the media' who seem to be "buying it".

Why?

From the Daily Telegraph online :



That's why.

This is standard operation procedure for Blair.

If the Sydney Morning Herald or the ABC promote someone like Sea Shithead's Paul Watson, who wants to see the world's population reduced to less than 1 billion people, then he and his droogies will go to town on the "leftist" Herald and gronk about privatising the ABC, but when his own newspaper leaps onto the latest eco-clickbait bandwagon, well, the Daily Telegraph becomes simply "the media".


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Rare Australian Plant Has Been Cloning Itself For At Least 43,000 Years



There are believed to be only 500 examples of this native Tasmanian shrub, King's Lomatia (Lomatia tasmanica), growing in the wild south west of the island.

From Wikipedia :

The plant has shiny green leaves and bears pink flowers, but yields neither fruit nor seeds.

King's Lomatia is unusual because all of the remaining plants are genetically identical. Because it has three sets of chromosomes (a triploid) and is therefore sterile, reproduction occurs only vegetatively: when a branch falls, that branch grows new roots, establishing a new plant that is genetically identical to its parent.

Although all the plants are technically separate in that each has its own root system, they are collectively considered to be one of the oldest living plant clones. Each plant's life span is approximately 300 years, but the plant has been cloning itself for at least 43,600 years (possibly up to 135,000 years).

Fascinating.


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"Is This A Game.....Or Is This Real?"

The 'story trailer' for the Predator Vs Alien game Australian censors assessed, banned, endured a storm of controversy over, then reassessed before creating a new category, "strong science fiction violence", which then allowed them to pass the game for release with an MA15 rating :





Here's how the Australian Classification Review Board explained its decision :

In the Review Board's opinion the violence depicted in the game can be accommodated within the MA 15+ category as the violent scenes are not prolonged and are interspersed with longer non violent sequences. The violence is fantastical in nature and justified by the context of the game, set in a futuristic science-fiction world, inhabited by aliens and predators. This context serves to lessen its impact. The more contentious violence is randomly generated and is not dependent on player selection of specific moves.

Aliens Vs Predator is released on February 18.

Did you know koalas have been around for tens of millions of years, and that they're bigger now and more abundant than any other time in their history? Neither did I :

Scientists have gained a glimpse into how the koala, one of the nation's most loved creatures, may have acted tens of millions of years ago.

....perhaps the most important finding to come out of the research is that never in their history have koalas had a period when they were so abundant as they are now.

The fossil remains of the extinct koalas....were about a quarter to a third smaller than today's koalas....

....24 million years ago, koalas and their close relatives, wombats, had long diverged on their evolutionary tree. Koalas were already creatures living in the forest canopy and specialising in eating leaves.

Perhaps the biggest difference between the ancient koalas and the modern variety is that it is clear from the fossil jaws and teeth that whatever the extinct creatures were eating it was nowhere near as tough as the leaves from present day gum trees.

The dominance of eucalypts in Australian forests is a relatively new thing - the result of the drying of the continent following a succession of ice ages. Koala teeth reflect this rarity of eucalyptus in ancient Australian forests.

The Full Story Is Here

Rudd's Totalitarianyrannical Grip On The Nation Even Extends To The Family Pet

7.30 Report, August 28, 2009 :

Q : So (PM Kevin Rudd) doesn't come home and kick the cat?

Therese Rein : Oh, no, he would never kick....

Q : ....to use a well-known imagery.

Therese Rein : He would never kick Jasper or the dog or anyone at home. No. I don't see him do that.

No, Rudd has other ways of disciplining Jasper The Cat :



Looks like a combination nerve and throat hold.

Every cat owner knows the expression on Jasper's face. It's equal parts "Someone or something's about to get shreddded" and "Help Me!"

Free Jasper!

Meanwhile, Rudd exploits the cat and the dog, by turning their adventures around The Lodge into a children's book :

"...we've interviewed the cat and the dog. They have been very co-operative in their responses..."

Yes, I bet they were.


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Eyes In Australian Skies

Surveillance drones very similar to the one in the below story have already been test-flown in the skies above Australian cities by the Australian Federal Police. All a journalist has to do is ask the AFP to officially deny it :



Surveillance drones were used, briefly, during the Victorian bushfires in February 2009, though there doesn't seem to be anything online about their effectiveness.

Rumours still float around the Defence Department that the Rudd government will be buying less Joint Strike Fighters so they can purchase some three dozen unmanned aerial combat vehicles (UACVs), which will fly fast enough to be used in missions with the JSFs.

In the 1980s, to have even suggested that by 2015 there would be 'Eye In The Sky' flying robots, and armed robots at that, cruising around Australian skies would have seen you labeled a loon, and a science fiction-addled paranoidian.

And yet, here they come.

There will be little outrage or fuss because UAVs, particularly in this age of Catatrosphic Bushfire Warnings, will likely prove extremely helpful, and life-saving, in spotting outbreaks of fire as soon as they begin, and essential in tracking the spread of those fires.

The future is here, and it makes a weird buzzing noise.

It's Time To Begin The Debate On A Big New Tax On Knee-High Socks

You'd think living somewhere nice and green with an open sky, fresh air, breeding beautiful alpacas might put you in a positive, optimistic mood about the future.

Not so, as alpaca breeder Gerard Oosterman reveals while detailing "My Dreams For 2010" :

A kind of BUG A UP campaign to install loathing towards those that continue, despite many warnings, to drive obscenely large fuel gulping hydrocarbon, nitrogen oxides, CO belching four wheel drive vehicles including SUVs, especially when those vehicles are black.

Spray cans will be distributed for the more sensible 1200cc electric/gas/diesel combo car owners to spray those ratbags car owners that defy all warnings. Those with spray on their fat cars will thus be stigmatised and shamed, and, furthermore, they will only be allowed to drive in slow lanes and by push power only.

To help combat obesity, closure of all food-courts at shopping malls, with the exception of coffee lounges with Portuguese cakes, Sushi bars and fruit juice bars. All tuck shop mothers to be trained in giving dietary guidance to school kids.

All McDonalds to be phased out, replaced by Finnish, Estonian or Balkan black bread with cottage cheese outlets. Those 'car stop' eating venues will be indicated by modest signage portraying a thin but healthy couple with smiling kids munching on black bread with rising sun and sheafs of golden brown Rye in the background. Meat pies still OK, but one per family; no sauce.

Of course, all this to be funded by steep increases in tax on all alcohol, cigarettes, petrol, knee-high socks and drivers of hum vees and enormous four wheelers.

You've got to have a troubled mind to want to deny working families a bit of sauce for their pies.

ABC's The Drum Unleashed also has "My Dreams For 2010" from Tony Abbott, Sophie Cunningham, Keysar Trad, Robert Manne, Julian Morrow, Jonathan Green and others here.


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New Zealand philosophy professor, Denis Dutton :

Apocalyptic scenarios are a diversion from real problems — poverty, terrorism, broken financial systems — needing intelligent attention. Even something as down-to-earth as the swine-flu scare has seemed at moments to be less about testing our health care system and its emergency readiness than about the fate of a diseased civilization drowning in its own fluids. We wallow in the idea that one day everything might change in, as St. Paul put it, the “twinkling of an eye” — that a calamity might prove to be the longed-for transformation. But turning practical problems into cosmic cataclysms takes us further away from actual solutions.

This applies, in my view, to the towering seas, storms, droughts and mass extinctions of popular climate catastrophism. Such entertaining visions owe less to scientific climatology than to eschatology, and that familiar sense that modernity and its wasteful comforts are bringing us closer to a biblical day of judgment.

The Full Story Is Here

Then again, being blindly optimistic has its downside, as well :

A study published in the November-December issue of Australasian Science found that people in a negative mood are more critical of, and pay more attention to, their surroundings than happier people, who are more likely to believe anything they are told.

“Whereas positive mood seems to promote creativity, flexibility, cooperation and reliance on mental shortcuts, negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking, paying greater attention to the external world,” Joseph P. Forgas, a professor of social psychology at the University of New South Wales in Australia, wrote in the study.

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A UFO Encounter Of The Third Kind At Milne Bay

Rowan Callick digs up extraordinary letters from an Australian Anglican missionary, William Gill, detailing a spectacular UFO sighting at Milne Bay, in Papua New Guinea, back in 1959 (excerpts) :

"Last night we at Boianai experienced about four hours of UFO activity, and there is no doubt whatsoever that they are handled by beings of some kind. At times it was absolutely breathtaking.

"We watched figures appear on top - four of them - no doubt that they are human.

"Two smaller UFOs were seen at the same time, stationary. One above the hills west, another overhead.

"On the large one, two of the figures seemed to be doing something near the centre of the deck . . . were occasionally bending over and raising their arms as though adjusting or setting up something (not visible).

"One figure seemed to be standing looking down at us (a group of about a dozen). I stretched my arm above my head and waved. To our surprise the figure did the same."

"As dark was beginning to close in, I sent Eric Kodawara for a torch and directed a series of long dashes towards the UFO. After a minute or two of this, the UFO apparently acknowledged by making several wavering motions back and forth."

"...there was nothing eerie or other-worldly about any of this. It was all so ordinary, as ordinary as a Ford car.

"It looked a perfectly normal sort of object, an Earth-made object. I realised, of course, that some people might think of this as a flying saucer, but I took it to be some kind of hovercraft the Americans or even the Australians had built. The figures inside looked perfectly human."

There were almost 40 other witnesses, and the encounter lasted for hours.

Read The Full Story Here

The Australian and/or American military were obviously test-flying some very interesting new aircraft in PNG during the Cold War, piloted by crews bored enough by their tasks to want to do something to excite the locals, and willing to flash their lights in return to the blinking torch light coming from William Gill and his friends below.


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"I Don't See Why It Should Be Blasphemy....Just Saying Jehovah"

How sad. Ireland steps back into the dark ages :

From today, 1 January 2010, the new Irish blasphemy law becomes operational, and we begin our campaign to have it repealed. Blasphemy is now a crime punishable by a €25,000 fine. The new law defines blasphemy as publishing or uttering matter that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby intentionally causing outrage among a substantial number of adherents of that religion....

There's a list of 25 Blasphemous Quotes Here published by Atheist Ireland to commemorate the utter stupidity of the reviving of this old law, but it's always hard to go past this piece of brilliance :



As the number of true believers of all religious faiths continues to plummet, those who profit the most from organised religions will do everything they can to try and stop the criticism, and mockery, that is ultimately freeing people the world over from dangerous historical lies and fear-ruled absurd mythologies. The introduction, or reviving, of blasphemy laws are just one of the weapons they are utilising in their war against the loss of faith in Faith.

Note: I've used the Google Cache link for the 25 Blasphemous Quotes because the www.blasphemy.ie page has been inaccessible for hours.

Feel free to include your favourite blasphemous quote in comments.

And so forth....

2009 : You Mean That Was It? Part One

I was going to cram a full year of posts from The Orstrahyun that I thought you might be interested in revisiting, but the list got too long, too fast, and I kept stopping to re-read stories I'd forgotten I'd written, about incidents that have already washed down most peoples' memory drain. And then the sun came up....

So here, in no particular order, are January/February 2009 :

Black Saturday, 3.26am

Holocaust Of Fire, Cyclones Of Flames, Burn Hundreds To Death

Mother Nature : Terrorist Or Mass Murderer?

Sam The Koala : "C'mere Mate, You All Right Buddy?"

One Beer-Battered Sea Kitten And Chips, Please

Even Teenage Girls In Australia Can Punch Out A Shark

Tragedy Porn : Did It Do It For You?

John Howard Happy That Al Qaeda's Prayers Have Been Answered

Raging Against The Firey Accused Of Killer Arson Challenges Online Freedom Of Speech

Thousands Of Working Families Live Without Electricity, Gas

Australian Ally Slaughters Hundreds Of Women And Children

Adelaide Always Delivers

Essay : This Is Australia, We Burn

Peter Costello : Non-Christians Threaten Australia's Future

Moderated Mainstream Media Blog Bleeds 'Assassinate Bob Brown' Comments

"Fuck Off, We're Full"....Of Racist Bogans

True Blue Australian Stuff Australia-Hating Lefties Love To Hate

Tony Abbott : May I Compare John Howard To The Lord, Or Is That Going Too Far?

Just Another 'Possum Goes Wild In A Leagues Club' Video

The Anti-American Hatefest 2009-2017 Begins

The Rise Of The Mid-Life Crisis Hoon

Australia's Bermuda Triangle.....Or Is It Australia's Area 51?

You Can Dump A UteLoad Of Horse Shit At The Gates Of NSW Parliament And
Only Cope An $1100 Fine

Photography : A Native Garden In Springwood, New South Wales.

The rest of the year in highlights to come.

I hope you've enjoyed reading The Orstrahyun this year as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

I think I might have to get into video stories a bit more next year, or at least some audio as opposed to just words and the occasional photo.

I've been editing a movie I shot with Dave Gleeson (as brilliant an actor as he is a lead singer) a few years ago, about an anti-war protestor who takes the prime minister hostage for 48 hours. I decided to wait until Australian troops were out of Iraq before I finished the movie, it gets a bit hardcore, and I never liked the way it ended before, with the Iraq War still unresolved, at least as far as Australia's involvement.

But the editing of that movie, and trying to fix an infuriating number of sound problems, has been the sort of fun but frustrating challenge that I think I need to wrap my brain about a bit more next year, lest it grow (more) dull.

I'll try and get some clips from the untitled-for-now movie up on this blog in a few weeks.

Have a great New Year's Eve.

And to the thousands who visit here regularly, I'm glad you like what you read enough to keep coming back. And thanks, as always, for not making me spend hours a day moderating comments, or reminding me too often of the stories I've promised but haven't yet finished.



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Possum Vs Cat

"Hey, how you doing? Look, I'm just here for this scrap of apple, okay? I don't want any trouble. I'll just suck the juice out of this and then I'm outta here" :



"Okay, cat, I can totally see you, you know. And my claws are bigger than yours, buddy. You wanna dance? Huh? Do you?" :



"I asked you nicely to leave me alone. But I will kick your arse if you don't get out of here!" :



"Come back and fight like a cat! You coward!" :



"I said I just want to finish this bit of apple and then I'll be on my way, okay?"



Photos by Darryl Mason

Roland S. Howard died today, aged 50.

There's a fine selection of Howard videos and interviews on YouTube, if you're not familiar with his work, or you want to take a look back.




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From the front page of news.com.au today :



At the bottom of the front page of news.com.au, as on most other Australian news sites, readers are encouraged to video 'news events' and send the footage in :

News.com.au wants you to be involved in breaking the news. When news happens and you are there, let us know by sending us your pictures, video and news tips.

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"One Reason Conspirators Said They Bombed The Nightclub In Bali In 2002 Was That It Did Not Allow Locals In"









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Oxford Falls, near Sydney's Northern Beaches, December 27 :













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Jump It, Crash It, Burn It, Blow It Up

Grant Page, the legendary Australian stuntman, was sitting at home in early 1997, wondering what crazy thing someone would be willing to pay him to do next. The phone rang. It was Damon Albarn from Blur. The band was on tour in Europe, they had to come with a video for the new single M.O.R. and they'd recently come across the DVD of Grant Page's 1970s stunt doco Danger Freaks. They'd loved it and they now wanted to give Page more than $200,000 to put together a stunt-packed video clip. He had less than a month to conceive it, shoot it, edit it and deliver it to MTV.

From the Grant Page biography, Man On Fire : A Stunt Of A Life (Allen & Unwin, 2009) :

The scenario was simple. We were a group escaping with a whole load of money and kept facing all sorts of dangerous situations as we fled. It was, of course, just an excused for us to perform lots of stunts that were connected by a soundtrack and a loose narrative.

We had one of the biggest cranes on top of a big new building in the city - it was huge, hundreds of feet high - and all four of us, as the four members of the band, had to grab hold of it and swing off the building, right out over the city, then back down until we landed on the truck.

(shooting the Blur video) was very exciting, very daring and, ultimately, very dangerous. It was not without mushaps either, including the one where my son Gulliver abseiled down the Harbour Bridge, landed on me and broke his kneecap.

Because we were basically in charge of the shoot, I was able to do a few stunts that I'd always wanted to, of of which was a ground-to-plane transfer. Actually it turned out to be a water-to-plane transfer.

Here's the video :





The Man On Fire biography is a pretty good read. A lot of it reads like transcripts of interviews with Page, and it can be a bit all over the place, but he's got some incredible stories of Australian movie and TV history to tell from over 35 years of crashing cars, throwing himself off cliffs, setting himself on fire and riding motorcycles off waterfalls. All without breaking a bone, on set.

A best-of compilation of Page's work :





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It was a little bit crowded at the Queen Victoria Building earlier today.





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"Just For One Christmas, I'd Like To See The Meek Inherit The Earth"

To make up for the Santa-related violence of The Christmas Incident, here's a classic Twilight Zone from 1960, one of the great Christmas fables, and all the more remarkable a piece of TV because it was performed pretty well live to air.

Part One :



Part Two :



Part Three :



Yeah, it made me cry a little, too.

The Christmas Incident

By Darryl Mason

What are you doing here? Seriously. What the fuck? It's Christmas Day. You should be drunk and in front the TV. Or at least smiling at relatives as you quietly hum a familiar tune you don't even like, but like a lot right now.

Yeah, I forget that some of you have those phones that are the internet, but smaller, and you're probably in front of the TV right now, drunk as hell.

But surely there's got to be something more fulfilling to do with these precious Christmas Day minutes than to read this stuff?

No?

Okay, well all I got is this series of twoots collected from Twitter last night, about a shocking gun-related early Christmas morning incident.

Heard something on the roof. Sounds like hooves or something. I'm loading the shotgun. I'm going to have a look. Shoot first, questions later.

Oh God, I think I just did something terrible. In the dark, the bell the old fat white-bearded bloke was holding looked just like a pistol.

The old bloke fell off the roof when I shot him. He's flopping around on the lawn. He's wearing red, so I can't tell if he's bleeding.

There's a whole load of frigging reindeer on my roof. I'm reloading. One of them looks pissed. His nose is glowing bright red. Taking aim.

Took out two of the reindeer on my roof with one shell. Good eating. After butchering I can fit maybe five carcasses in the deep freeze.

If I'd known they were flying reindeer I wouldn't have shot 'em so fast. They'd be damn handy, better than a jetpack. Killed 4, rest flew away.

The old bloke I blew off my roof just croaked "R...uuudolph!" and that rednose deer crawled over to him. I thought it was dead. Tough deer.

If I am right, I can do em both with one cartridge. Seems to be a lot of crying, shrieking, screaming kids here now. Sirens coming closer.

Yeah, bit of a bad scene. Kids and parents are hysterical. They all seem to know who this white bearded dying bloke is. I can't finish him now. Dammit.

I've had to barricade myself inside my house. Screaming kids are trying to smash the windows. I left the deer carcasses on the lawn. Dammit.

Jeez, they got a cop on a speaker. They're saying this is a siege, and "You Shot Santo Claws, You Fuck!". I was defending my property.

That Santo Claws bloke wasn't as bad off as I thought. He just tried to kick in the front door. Cops told him to stop. He didn't. He got tasered

Police negotiator says he understands my plight, says I was in my right to blow that old fuck off my roof, but he still has to arrest me.

I said yes to a lawyer who offered representation after winching down from a TV news helicopter. Seven figure TV, book & movie deal on the cards. Coming out now.

Lawyer said I might have to do two months, then I'd be out and set. That Santo Claws fucker who landed reindeer on my roof is okay.

Apparently, I am "The Stupid Fuck Who Ruined Christmas!" according to the newspaper front pages around the world today.

I don't remember ever hearing about this Santo Claws bloke, and his very hard to believe story of delivering presents to kids, worldwide.

Lawyer says his name is actually 'Santa Claus' and is beloved by children across the world. Says I have to start saying "Merry Christmas." It's part of the plea deal. So ditto that. I still don't get it.

Mel Gibson's playing me in the movie. It's called I Shot Santa. Jack Thompson is playing the old fat bloke in red I blew off my roof. They got cool robot deer.

This Santa Claus fucker is suing the studio making our movie. He says the title, I Shot Santa, violates his trademark. I don't get paid until 1st day of production.

I may have to shoot him again.

Merry Christmas.





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A true bluesman.



Above image from RoseTattoo.com

We Stalk Mothers & Their Infants

The Daily Telegraph, now publishing stalker-creepy photo galleries of babies without their parents' permission.



You can find the link yourself, if it interests you so.

More of that "quality journalism" Rupert Murdoch insists people will pay to read online.

At least, that's what he's praying will happen.

Smurvatar



(h/t @Great Dismal)

I'd rather drive anthrax-dipped nails into my head with an electric hammer than ever again listen to anything from Chris DeBurgh. But DeBurgh does do a good line in self-praising raves against critics of his 'music' :

"How you must have cringed at every call of 'Chris, we love you'; how you must have felt isolated as the audience rose to their feet as one, singing, dancing and shouting out for more; how you must have growled to yourself as you left, surrounded by so many happy people, to make your curmudgeonly way to the safety of the street outside. You really should look up the word 'entertainment' again, you might be surprised to see that it is all about people having a GOOD TIME!!"

Oh So Fugly

ABC Rural Queensland has a fantastic story and photo collection of QLD's Ugliest Pets for 2009. Worth a read and a run through of all the photos, many good laughs and sympathetic 'awwwws' will result. The photo caption writer also had plenty of fun.

A few of my favourite entrants :









From the ABC News story :

Ugly animals aren't going away, in fact, in an evolutionary sense they are essential.

Just like humans, animals can change their opinions rather quickly on what turns them on, meaning traits considered undesirable can quickly come into favour.

Some of these traits seem downright bizarre to humans, even ugly, but Australian National University evolutionary biologist Professor Jenny Graves says that's natural.

"There are lots of animals which have what we call sexually selected traits, that don't look beautiful to us."

"For instance, the red bums of female baboons don't appeal to us very much, but they certainly appeal to a male baboon very much."

"We might not find a hump on the head of a fish beautiful, but that's the way that a female measures this particular kind of fish as a potential mate."

"I don't know that she's assessing beauty, she's just assessing is this animal going to give me more eggs and a better chance of passing my genes on to the offspring," Professor Graves says.

Many evolutionary biologists believe these 'desirable traits' come into popularity through accident.

It's a process known as co-evolution, where a fine specimen of male fish with a lump on his head happens to meet a female who thinks it's a desirable trait

The traits animals don't like often remain lower frequency in the population - but what's unpopular today might not be unpopular down the track.

"The environment is patchy enough that you've always got little niches where it's not good to have a big tail, or it's not good to have a red rump, or it's not good to have a bump on your head."

Go Here For The Full Story And Photo Collection



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