Showing posts with label baby whale rescue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby whale rescue. Show all posts

Monday, August 25, 2008

Dear Jerkoff,

A reader (via e-mail) did not enjoy, nor appreciate, recent orphaned baby whale coverage on this blog.
Dear Jerkoff,

I read yor dribble about Colin the whale and its obvious you are a heartless piece of shit.

The good thing is that there are probably very little people who read your crap - evidence by nil or very few comments to your shithouse stories. I just happened to stumble on it by accident and will never visit it again. The name of your stupid site is also dumb.

Its probably because there are so many arseholes in the world like you that, that the caring and compassionate people are more concerned with a starving baby whale, rather than people (who are complete strangers) who have died in plane crash etc and why the story of Colin the whale has taken precedent over other news stories.

Every day we hear all the other stories about human suffering and plight but it is extremely rare that a baby whale seperated from its mother is on our door step.

Once again the arsehole powers that be did nothing and took the easy option of killing the baby whale while they even botched that.
The stories that inspired this reader to write such an awesome tirade :

Orphaned, Dying Baby Whale To 11 Metre Yacht : "Will You Be My Mummy Now?"

Kill The Orphaned Baby Whale, Do It Now


2028 : Once Beloved 'Baby Whale' That Never Went Home Now Regarded By Most Sydney Beach Goers As "Monster Nuisance"

They Killed Colin

I did care. That's why I didn't want to see Colin, who turned out to be Collette, endure a days longer, far more painful, lingering death from starvation.

It seemed obvious from the beginning that we could not save this creature.

But it was a fascinating and rare event. And perhaps a test.

A massive, yet still infant, giant of the ocean arrives on the doorstep of a major world city, completely helpless.

We can throw robots at distant planets, but can we save the baby whale?

In four days, we couldn't come up with a solution. The scale of saving, and thereby, adopting a baby whale for the first year of its life was beyond us.

Thousands of litres a week of specially developed baby whale formula. A pool the size of a small town for the whale to swim in, for its first year or more. Collette would then have been more than 10 metres long and porking out at more than 25,000 kilos. And then there's the krill.

Most of the surface of our planet lies deep beneath the oceans and seas. We have barely even begun to explore this part, the larger part, of our world.

A humpback whale, like Collette, can swim halfway around the globe, every year, and can dive deeper than we can climb. Male humpbacks sing seduction songs double the length of Guns N' Roses ballads. They can live off their fat all winter, freeing up time to hang around whale watching boats, or roaming off our beaches and coastlines, making us love them even more.

Making us want to save them even more.

They can catch their food by blowing bubbles for fuck's sake. It's obvious who the better adapted species is.

But the humpback whale was almost wiped out existence, through hunting, in the middle of the 2oth century. The invention of the explosive harpoon made escaping with a few spears in the back impossible.

There's an estimated 80,000 humpback whales cruising oceans today.

We have a remarkable and rare love for whales, and ancient legends and art show that we have viewed them with awe for tens of thousands of years.

When the killfest ended, we had speared and harpooned, and then explosively harpooned, an estimated 250,000 (but likely far more) humpback whales. A worldwide ban became reality in the mid-1960s.

The whales are, however, making a comeback.

We now treat humpback whales with the kind of respect and care and public devotion we usually only reserve for other humans, or at least pampered-beyond-reason cats.

Migaloo is a white humpback whale, who famously roams the east coast of Australia most years. Migalooo has been granted a 500 metre exclusion zone when he swims by. Humans are not allowed, by law, to come within half a kilometre of this massive creature.

Now that is presidential treatment.

The followers of Green Jesus teachings, in this age of enviro-biblical apocalyptic imagery, will see the arrival of that baby whale as a sign, a test, a challenge, one that we failed because we couldn't save this little desperate miracle of nature.

But nature is cruel. Have you ever seen a huge black crow peck and then eat the eye of a shrieking lamb? This is behaviour we have deemed, morally, to be cruel.

For an abandoned animal to die a cruel death is natural. Parents walk, or swim away, the infant dies from hunger, exposure, or perhaps heartbreak.

We hate this, it kills us.

Of all the hours of the magnificent, majestic 'Planet Earth' series by David Attenborrough, it is the few minutes of a lost baby elephant running the wrong way in search of its mother, as dusty winds consume it, that haunts most who've seen it.

The passionate desire of so many people to want to save Colin (Collette, or 'Humpy', my choice) came from being human. Beyond nature.

To intervene, to want to save the helpless of another species, an entire species in fact, is something uniquely human. It is at the core of our species.

That the baby whale died was no epic failure on our part.

If it was a test, as the Green Jesus may one day claim, we passed because did not let it starve to death. We did not let nature take its course. We intervened, and ended it.

Friday, August 22, 2008

They Killed Colin

Orphaned Starving Baby Whale Media Freak Show Finally Ends



The abandoned, starving baby whale that won the hearts of many mildly interested Sydneysiders as it starved to death in Sydney Harbour has finally been killed.

But not before the NSW premier used the festive occasion to make a complete spectacle of himself :
NSW Iemma today agreed the outlook for the 4.5m humpback was "bleak".

"Our hearts are breaking with what's happening with baby Colin...."
It's a baby whale. Has the NSW premier spent a Friday night in a Sydney casualty unit lately? Human hearts breaking, everywhere.
"It's looking bleak, but every effort is being made."
It's a baby whale.
He said zoo and veterinary scientists were working to save Colin, while federal Defence Minister Joel Fitzgibbon had offered to mobilise defence force assets if required.
The sharks are already taking test bites out of Colin.
"The key here is, he's weakening, he's losing (the) strength to get him fed and (to) a pod that will care for him," Mr Iemma said.
For fuck's sake, Iemma, Man Up. You're the fucking premier of the state. And Colin is doomed.
"The chances are not good."
If the NSW premier uses the merciful killing of Colin to weep inconsolably in public, he must be replaced immediately.


Colin, the baby whale, has been given a far more merciful and humane death than the lingering, humiliating deaths hundreds of elderly Australians will be forced to endure this year. Some will starve to death for days longer than Colin did. Real people, not baby whales.

It was good to see that Channel 7 in particular had its news priorities right.

The countdown to Colin's dope-laden death led the evening news tonight. And rightly so.

The achingly pathetic plight of poor Colin was followed many minutes later by some fuss about a monstrous plane crash in somewhere called Spain that only saw about 150 people burned to death in a fire tornado of aviation fuel.

The sharks are still nibbling away at Colin. We're told this during a Colin update, halfway through the evening news. Some children in a nearby apartment block can be heard crying.

Counselling for children distressed by Colin's passing may need to be sought, and counselling too, perhaps, for the slightly older children who are still trying to understand how a slowly dying animal, and the distressed locals who want it to suffer more while scientists rush to perfect a comically large fake whale tit to feed him, can be deemed more newsworthy than one of the worst plane crashes of the year.


"Mummy, why did those nasty meany mean National Parks & Wildlife people kill baby Colin?"
"Well, sometimes animals, even little baby whales, get sick, and sometimes we can't look after
those animals, no matter how hard we try. Sometimes sick animals die, darling. And sometimes when animals are very sick, sick like Colin the baby whale was, we have to help them to go to sleep so they don't suffer in pain any more. Do you understand?"
"Yes. Like Blacky. My fat dog. He got sick, didn't he? He had to go to sleep because he was sick..."
"Yes..um...like Blacky..."
"Colin looked sick. And he was hungry too. Blacky ate that whole bowl of food real fast, remember that mummy? Just before Blacky got sick that day when I was at school and you had him put to sleep? Remember that, mummy? Two days before we moved to this new house?"
"...Yes..."
"Will Colin's ghost haunt Sydney Harbour?"
"I don't....We can get a new dog, you know. A small one this time."
"Yeah. I'm gonna call it Colin!"
"We can think of something better, later."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Kill The Orphaned Baby Whale, Do It Now

2028 : Once Beloved 'Baby Whale' Now Despised By Sydney Beach Dwellers As Monster Nuisance



More Soul Crushing Images Of A Starving Baby Whale Here

Time is running out for the orphaned baby whale that adopted a yacht as its replacement mother, and has now been mercilessly named 'Colin' by Sydney tabloid media.

If 'Colin' the infant humpback whale doesn't find a new whale pod to look after him soon, and soon will soon mean just a matter of hours, Sydney will give the world the media spectacle of a impossibly cute baby whale starving to death in the world's most beautiful harbour. While some of the best minds in the country are devoted to building from scratch a comically large fake whale tit.

'Colin' could soon be beaching himself at Bondi, not the worse place in the world to die, but not good news for the tourist economy. "Oh God, Bondi? Isn't that where they let them little baby whale starve to death?"

There's little time left. It must be done, and done soon. Forget the big fake whale tit, finish Colin off now. Don't let that bitch goddess Nature send some sharks to tear the poor little fucker to bits, still alive, whistling and clicking hopelessly for help.

It's time to Man Up. The baby whale must be killed.

Today.

Before it suffers anymore.

Recent 'Colin' news here and some 'Sharks Want To Eat Colin' news here and the beginnings of an International Save Colin From A Natural Death Coalition rumbles here.

UPDATE : Can the Australian Defence Force save the dying baby whale? The basic idea is to float the baby whale on a huge inflatable bladder out to open sea in the vague hope that a passing pod of whales will adopt him, and more importantly that he will find a feed. Absurd.

Colin hasn't had a decent feed, it appears, since Friday, or earlier. Letting this thing starve to death when he could be put out of his misery is cruel. Even a jackal wouldn't let an animal die in front of it for four or five days. Why aren't dedicated animal rights lovers campaigning to end this?

Kill Colin. Kill him now.

BTW. The big fake whale tit appears to be a non-starter. Nobody seems to know exactly how to mix up a blend of infant humpack whale formula.

UPDATE : Good Christ, Piers Akerman agrees with me. I've changed my mind. Save Colin! Save Colin!


UPDATE : By using the new WayForward internet archive, we have managed to pull a story relating to 'Humpy' that is circulating online, and through iBrain, in August, 2028 :
The 20th anniversary of the arrival in Sydney Harbour of Humpy, the 'miracle baby whale', fell last weekend, but there were few celebrations.

Humpy's days as an iconic Sydney tourist attraction are long gone. His twice yearly visits, when he prowls the harbour for months at a time, disrupting ferries and shipping, and regularly beaching himself at Bondi, Manly and Cronulla if the feeding teams don't show up.

"We should go back to calling him 'Colin' again," said one resident of North Bondi, "because that's what he's become. The old mate who keeps hanging around and doesn't know when to go home."

Residents along Sydney's rapidly shrinking beach fronts hope each year it will not be their locale where the massive whale decides to make his temporary home. Humpy's whale songs, once so beloved by coastal dwellers, are now deemed to be such a late night interruption that some claim property prices have fallen noticeably, all thanks to Humpy.

"I hated whale songs when I was married to a Silence Therapist," said Manly resident, "I loathe that noise now like burning feet. We had him off the beach, and on the beach, for three years in a row. It was like, 'Oh great, he's back. Again. When's he going to fuck off somewhere else with all that stupid beeping and whistling and clacking all night long."

"It's like having a noisy neighbour who won't turn the music down," said Bondi resident Juno Flowglass. "Well, how in fuck do you tell a fully grown whale swimming ten metres off your balcony to turn the music down at 4am?"

Humpy was an abandoned baby whale, a few months old, who swam into Sydney Harbour back in 2008, and infamously adopted a yacht as its replacement mother.

Humpy was starving to death, and was saved from the brutal hatred of The Nature by human intervention.

The baby whale was nursed back from utter nothingness, around the clock, by a teams of volunteers, who chugged formula into him. The baby whale vigils, the compact car sized feeding nipple, the strange week when human wet nurses floated in Sydney Harbour offering full breasts to the humpback (who was then known as 'Colin') quickly, became big international news, and 'Colin's' fame reached every corner of Planet One World, One Dream.

The George Miller movie, 'We Must Kill That Baby Whale', starring Russell Crowe as the spear fisherman who wants to kill the starving whale, for what he claims are humanitarian reasons (while secretly harbouring an insatiable lust for fresh baby whale meat) and Nicole Kidman as the scientist who invents and builds, in a tense 24 hours, the world's largest fake whale tit, went on to gross more than $1 billion, winning seven Oscars in 2010.

That year, Colin's fame was at its peak, and the humpback whale was granted official status by environment minister Peter Garrett as "a National Icon of International Recognition For Purposes Of Heritage And The Protection Of Ocean Dwellers Both Large And Small, Forever."

The Australian Tourism Industry lobbied, successfully, for 'Colin's' name to be changed, however, and a public vote offered up 'Humpy' as the most popular new name. The tourism industry caused a brief flap in the media after an official stated, "You can't market anything called 'Colin.' That's mission impossible."

But after 18 non-stop months of around the clock caring and feeding of 'Humpy', whale experts declared the rapidly growing whale was healthy, and more than fit enough to go and find his own food.

"Humpy's just being a lazy little shit," said a Friends Of Humpy member in early 2010. "He's not starving. We clean out the fucking fish markets for him three times a week. He's a whale. Hasn't he got somewhere else to be? Secretly, most of us are wishing he'd just piss off. We've got other stuff to save."

Today, Humpy remains an officially listed National Icon, but his popularity plummets with every return visit.

"We should have killed it when it was a still just a little bastard," said a Cronulla resident.

"Humpy beaches himself because he thinks it's fun. I'm totally convinced this is what he's up to. He's laughing at us, running around trying to dig him out, pouring water over him for two days, stuffing all that fish and squid in his mouth, and he just lays there. He doesn't even try to get back in the water. He's loving the attention."

Back in 2008, crowds gathered on Sydney beaches to hold up signs demanding someone 'Save Colin! Now', but each time he returns to the place where his life was once saved, the now openly despised whale would be more likely to see signs shouting 'Go Away, Humpy, And Don't Come Back!'