Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Breaking News : Clone Tries To Kill Creator

"It Wasn't Attempted Murder, It Was Attempted Suicide"

By Darryl Mason

Only hours after The Orstrahyun broke the story of how the infamous Dr Philip Stanton cloned himself, then changed the sex of the clone and married her comes the dramatic news that the clone, Jessica Stanton, has been arrested for allegedly attempting to kill the controversy plagued doctor.

Jessica Stanton has now been charged by police with attempted murder.

"We're still trying to establish her identity," said a police spokesperson. "The only identification she has is in the name of Dr Stanton. Officially, she doesn't exist."

Dr Stanton has requested the charges be dropped and has employed a top QC to see Jessica released on bail, into his care, in the meantime. He has refused to reveal details of the alleged attack, and police won't comment further until a press conference scheduled for Friday morning.

In a short statement issued to The Orstrahyun, Dr Philip Stanton said :
"Her motivation for attacking me? I think it was a purposeful exercise by a very bright young woman who now demands to be legally recognised as a person. If police are serious about pursuing the charges against Jessica, for whatever reasons they have to so frivously waste public resources in this way, then they will have to establish an identity for her. They may find this more difficult than they can currently imagine."
In a further e-mail exchange, Dr Stanton refuted allegations that he conspired with Jessica in staging the attacks and arrest to garner publicity for his forthcoming book on his cloning experiment, and his love affair with his clone. The book is currently listed for advance sale on Amazon under the title :
Cloning To Your Way To A Better, Younger, More Beautiful You