The Last Days Of The Booze-Soaked Politician

How overdue is this? Very :

A push was last night under way to breathtest NSW politicians after Nationals MP Andrew Fraser's late-night altercation with a female colleague.

Health Minister John Della Bosca and Liberal leader Barry O'Farrell backed the unprecedented call to supply breath testing kits for MPs to ensure they do not turn up drunk.

"Honestly, if you are going to have breathalysers for people driving cranes you should have breathalysers for people writing laws," (Greens MP Dr John) Kaye said.

Why stop at testing for booze? If we have to fucking tolerate having drug dogs sniffing us at music festivals, the local pub and walking to the supermarket, then our state and federal politicians can put up with being drug-tested in their workplace.

Home Free, As Long As He Stays Home

'Freedom'? :

"This is the beauty of Australia or the common law countries. They do not as yet criminalise thoughts," he said.

"In European law your thoughts can be criminalised. We haven't got that in common law countries yet."

Not as yet. But maybe soon. Our government already holds a black list of blocked (or to be blocked) websites, supposedly around 10,000 sites in total, and not all of them are related to child porn or ultra-violence.

Joe Vs Julie

Joe Hockey smells the blood in the water, and begins to make his move for the deputy leadership of the Liberal Party. Hitting the banks for being scumbags now is an important Us-Vs-Them scene setter, which Hockey will be able to cash in on monumentally next year when the 'economic downturn' really becomes the Economic Downfall.

Westpac was the biggest bank in the country, Opposition finance spokesman Joe Hockey said on Wednesday.

"You would think they would pass on the interest rate cut in full, but they didn't. They gouged it," he told Fairfax Radio Network.

"Westpac gouged it, ANZ gouged it. They are gouging small business, they are gouging farmers, and they are gouging credit cards."

Hockey's aim in this attack is solid, and precise. A few more serious months of this, and the new generation Liberals can claim, in 2010, that the Rudd Government and the Bastard Banks are holding hands and skipping along rainbows together while The Rest Of Us (that will be Australia's, by then, majority poor and the "We Feel Your Pain" Liberals) are queuing for food stamps and free buses to get to work.

Hockey and Malcolm Turnbull are exactly the kind of front-line tag-team combination the Liberals need to really start hammering the Labor Party next year. Turnbull can keep it classy, while Hockey can go for the throat. Unlike Peter Costello, Alexander "Absolute Commitment" Downer and (shudder) Tony Abbott, Joe Hockey can occasionally appear to be genuine, and sincere, and has a streak of the same instant anger that many Australians quietly liked about Mark Latham.

Speaking up for the New Poor against the Bastard Banks, and pointing out how cozy "Lapdog Labor and the Bastard Banks"are, will be one of Hockey's primary missions through 2009 and 2010. If he doesn't fuck it up, the Rudd government could soon be getting major migraines whenever Hockey's name is mentioned.

Australian politics might get very interesting again, very quickly.

Revelatory Moment Of Irony Not Noticed

Interesting choice of soundtrack :

Protestors swarmed on the Gold Coast City Council headquarters in Queensland to vent their anger over a planned Muslim school yesterday as rock anthems blared from loudspeakers.

Almost 200 residents turned out for the demonstration, draped in Australian flags and shouting pro-Aussie slogans while Australian rock classics such as Land Down Under and Great Southern Land boomed across the parkland.

Let's take a look at some of the lyrics from Icehouse's Great Southern Land :

so you look into the land and it will tell you a story
story 'bout a journey ended long ago
if you listen to the motion of the wind in the mountains
maybe you can hear them talking like I do
". . they're gonna betray, they're gonna forget you,
are you gonna let them take you over this way?"

Great Southern Land, Great Southern Land
you walk alone like a primitive man
and they make it work with sticks and bones
see their hungry eyes, its a hungry home
I hear the sound of the stranger's voices
I see their hungry eyes, their hungry eyes
Great Southern Land, Great Southern Land
they burned you black, black against the ground

I'll just take a wild guess here, but whoever loaded up the music was probably captivated by this single line "...are you gonna let them take you over this way?" not realising, presumably, that the lines were about Aboriginals reacting to the invasion of their lands by the English.

The full lyrics are here

"The Economy Is Bad, But I Would Not Ask An Elf To Do For Me What I Am Not Prepared To Do For Myself"

The getaway vehicle should be easy to spot, on radar :

Brandishing a large knife and carrying an empty green shopping bag, two men wearing Santa disguises threatened the female attendant at the Cutheringa Bowls Club about 8:20pm.

They demanded she clear out the till and put the cash in the bag.

She did as she was told before running out a back entrance.

Yes, it's more New Zealand :












All photos by Darryl Mason

The Ak Attack

Piers Akerman of the Daily Telegraph says British born Muslims were involved in the Mumbai terror attacks, despite official denials by the governments of Britain and India, and so Australians who think Australian citizens should not be held without charge in the jails of our allies are EVIL. Or something. It doesn't matter. His readers get the message, they understand, and issue yet more Murdoch-media hosted calls for massacres of Australians citizens :

...lawyers, civil rights groups, civil libertarians and refugee advocates... they should all be shot as traitors.

More New Zealand :

How Does He Do It?

Many readers of The Professional Idiot have wondered and asked this very same question of TPI's valuable, comment and hit generating nemesis, 'Barry Bones' :



How indeed? 'Barry Bones' is the dim, Evil Pagan Lefty all red-blooded conservatives love, and sometimes live, to hate. Some of TPI's true believers will be driven to reply in CAPS, so very angry has 'Barry Bones' made them. When 'Bones' is gone, he/she is very much missed by the locals. A few dozen TPI commenters with time to kill can only agree with each other for so long, and wrack up only so many comments, before they need the fresh meat spill of a cliche-spangled Evil Pagan Lefty word-farting his mind. When 'Barry' is kind enough to make an appearance, dozens of comments mocking and correcting and abusing him/her follow. Traffic at TPI's must surely surge (perhaps 10 or 20%) when 'Barry Bones' has delivered another reliable, coffee-spraying, fist-clenching, spurl of expected yet still shocking Lefty ignorance and vapidity.

It must be hard for TPI not to look forward to 'Barry Bones' deciding to sprinkle some of his/her traffic generating brain snot into the comments. Times are tough, even at Murdoch's empire of digital white noise, and those paid the most have to deliver the audience numbers. So TPI can breathe a little snorf of relief that 'Barry Bones' has dropped by to help out.



Barry gets in the first comment :



'Barry Bones' gets in the first comment early, real early, this time. How does he/she do it? Maybe 'Barry Bones' should have been snipped for time travelling instead.

"We Can Give Their Parents A Carbon Credit Bonus, But Only If They Volunteer"

It seems a bit of a harsh solution to overcrowding issues at child care centres, but these are dark days we're living in. From the Sydney Morning Herald :

"This Car Ad Needs More Shots Of Fat Bearded Blokes Wolfing Down Sloppy Pies And Chiko Rolls"

It's a weird feeling coming across such an iconic mid-70s ad, particularly one you remember so well, loaded as it is with hairy blokes, Holdens, tits, Holdens, kangaroos, Holdens and a damn catchy theme song, which taught you, apparently, all you needed to know about what it meant to be an Australian, back then.



That song....a memory bomb detonates. Suddenly remember the full names and faces of friends from back then, barely remembered in three decades, that used to sing that song walking home from school, every afternoon, before getting chased by the Ford-loving sixth graders, every afternoon. Kids used to brawl over whether Fords or Holdens were the better cars, at least they did where I grew up. I once saw a seven year old mate take three big hits in the guts by a trio of Ford freaks, "Say Ford is better and we'll let you go," he refused to speak such blasphemy, he took his punches like a man. And they talk about brand-loyalty as if it's something new.

Has there been any car ad since that dared to use images of hairy blokes scoffing down their lunches while they walked along the street to brand their product?

There's a lot of sheep in New Zealand, we know this, but there are also a lot of ducks, particularly at caravan parks and camp sites. Lots of ducks.

Auckland, New Zealand.

I spent ten days in New Zealand, most of it travelling through the Northland, but the first few days were in Auckland. These images are from the blindingly green, 140 year old graveyard in Grafton Gully, right in the heart of the city. A spectacle place to stumble upon, a steep walk into a lush world of bird life, graves and history.

You step down from a busy city street, and the deeper you walk into the gully, the more wild and overgrown the foliage storms of trees, palms, vines and fern fronds become. And the deeper you go, the older the graves turn out to be, many all but totally consumed by the growth, forgotten, cracked and shattered headstones from the 1880s and 1890s, thigh thick roots splitting tombs, wrought iron twisted and warped.

The graves that mark the lives that helped build a city, slumping and tumbling down into a light-dabbled mini-wilderness.

A truly amazing place to lose an hour or three.

So, sorry for the lack of updates, but I'm on assignment at the moment, for a few days more. And to the fuckers who think this is the opportune time to 'raid' my house, be warned, my housesitters are extremely violent and easily spooked.

Christ it's horrible being away from your own computer. Right now, a middle aged German couple at the next computer are actually staring straight at my screen as I type this, while they wait for whatever 'places to be freely nude' site loads on their puter. Can they read English? I don't know. Let's find out. FUCK OFF YOU GERMAN BASTARDS!...

No, they can't read English, they're still smiling at me, nodding, yes, yes, yes, thank God they didn't win World War II and take over the world, eh? Hell, imagine what the United States would be like if a bunch of Nazis and their sympathisers and generations-on business associates seized the White House in 2001?

Clearly, I've already said enough.

Back to normal sparodic and/or five-times-a-day postings soon.

Rock onwards.

The Unfiltered No Option Filtered Internet No Access Blacklist Unoption

By Darryl Mason

Ominous, impractical and very listy :

The Government plans to have two streams of filtered (internet) content.

The mandatory portion will adhere to a blacklist of thousands of illegal web pages managed by ACMA and an optional clean feed of URLs that would automatically censor content, mostly adult material.

You can "plan" all you like, it's not going to happen. Unless the United States, Europe and the UK also come on board with almost identical and compatible net filtering systems and that would be far too Global Government-like and New World Order-ish to ever become a reality.

Probably.

Until it's hacked and released, we won't get to see the full "Blacklist" of sites that your government deems you should never be able to see, but it will include political, alternative news and so-called 'hate' sites. You won't hear much or anything about those news and political sites, but you will surely hear about a few of the other websites that will make The Blacklist, and they will be shocking and disgusting and tabloidia like The Daily Telegraph will leap all over the horrific Snuff and live suicide and Watch Me Torture This Kitten websites held as Examples Of Shame and will help pump the need for The Blacklist to be expanded even more and 'Do You Know Of A SickSite That Should Be On The Blacklist? Vote Now!'

The Rupe, however, will make sure that the Daily Telegraph and the rest of his online media, and even his more gruesome columnists, will never make it onto even the suggestion list for the Blacklist.

And none of The Rupe's newspapers or columnists should be on The Blacklist, but then neither should a pile of already very popular international and alternative news websites and blogs that tell Australians about a world of news and opinion that rarely if ever even makes the letters pages of The Australian or The Herald Sun or the Sydney Morning Herald.

The Blacklist will be a majestically powerful way for established mainstream media to block and crush the rising online competition, or at least limit its accessibility, which of course is its lifeblood. Not that ex-Australian media giants like The Rupe would ever stoop to such anti-competition tactics like that.

You get the feeling that the Rudd Government doesn't really know as much as it thinks it does about what Australians want from the internet, and what they want to read and hear and watch.

Shutting down access to The Pirate Bay, for starters, will incite raw fury in the hundreds of thousands of Australians who use it every day. They Will Not Be Pleased, and they will be motivated to find ways around the Government Internet Gateway Censors, of which there are many.

Anything that slows down net speeds, as all total filtering systems must do, will make every online gamer in the country (and there are many tens of thousands of them as well) shout "Fuck Rudd!"

The scope and scale of Australians who will be annoyed, inconvenienced and disrupted by Total Net Filtering will be massive, and the political fallout will be hard to estimate, and plan for.

You'll know just how much freedom of speech and free media the Rudd government believes in when the filters go live, for all major ISPs, towards the middle and end of 2009. Curiously, about the same time that very similar Total Net Filtering systems are expected, or hoped, to be up and running in the United States, the UK and across Europe.

Hell of a coincidence...

UPDATE : Sorry, I should have mentioned this at the start of the story, but this is all about stopping child porn. Of course.

Bullets For The Bombs

This is why "Imam Samudra and brothers Amrozi and Mukhlas" were tied to pieces of wood and shot through the heart yesterday. This is what they did to 202 people, from more than a dozen countries around the world, including 88, mostly young, Australians. This is what bombs and missiles and artillery do to human beings all over this war of and against terror.









Photos are from here

Revenge for the revenge for the revenge has been vowed, by an isolated, feverish few, while the majority remain appalled that this years-long nightmare of death and misery and sadness ever happened, ever began, ever smeared the name of Bali with the blood of foreign tourists.

The hatred and intolerance that drives men to do such things no doubt still burns strong in the hearts of some, but you have to believe, at least you want to believe, that this fever will fade, must fade, that it will not spread, does not grow, that any religious or political belief that promises a better life promises the same for all humanity.

They wanted to die for what they did. Now they are dead. They died in far less agony and fear than many of their victims.

There is consolation in knowing they cannot taunt the families of their victims anymore simply by being alive.

Claire Hatton, who lost her husband in the 2002 attacks :

"I saw a quote by Mahatma Gandhi and it said: 'The trouble with an eye for an eye is that it makes us all blind'. That's what I think."

Maria Kotronakis lost two cousins and also two sisters in the attacks :

"We're very happy ... we've waited a very long time for this and this is our justice.

"Finally the moment has come ... we are over the moon."

John Mavroudis, who lost his son David :

(he) said he "couldn't care less" about the bombers.

"I don't give a damn about them really ... we just try and get on with our lives."

A panoramic night image of the incredibly serene memorial to the victims in Kuta, Bali

Live Tourists Wanted To Pay To Swim With Crocodiles For Bemusement Of Northern Territorians



Life in the Territory :

"In the Northern Territory, the saltwater crocodile is an icon and is part of our life. They are always in the news, either in someone's swimming pool or killing someone's favorite horse..."

Man and the Crocodile can co-exist peacefully together, particularly in Darwin when it's usually too bloody hot for man or crocodile to be bothered trying to kill each other. Besides, crocodiles must comprehend by now that chomping down on humans brings much violent attention and stomach opening.

Crocodiles watch, carefully, and remember details of the movements of animals and humans in their stretch of the river for years. They know we bring flesh bags far meatier and tastier than we into their world. I'm not sure how many horses are taken by crocodiles in the NT each year, but it sure sounds like enough for it be of a 'Oh bugger, not again' frequency.


You can now go swimming with five metre long saltwater crocodiles. It's The Territory's most thrillingest new tourist attraction.

Yes, enjoy that, live bait....sorry, I mean tourists.

Getting within ten feet of the monster below is as close as I ever want to get to a crocodile again. The electrifyingly vicious snap of those jaws unleashes a primal, ancient terror that pumps hot adrenalin into your veins and turns your stomach into a trembling clenched fist.

Even on a boat, embedded on a muddy bank into which you will sink to your knees if you step off, it's with a brittle resistance that you must fight the panic-mode flight of Go! Run For Your Fucking Life! when the crocodile suddenly, and with great agility, lifts that massive head and turns those ice-cold reptilian eyes on you.

Come on, run! I dare you...

The Ocean Was Dark And Evil That Day, My Friends


Photo by Andrew Buckley

The surfer of this 40 foot wave, on a reef some fifteen kilometres off the coast of Western Australia, explains what it feels like, to do that :

“It was not like any other wave I’ve seen, it was a real evil wave, the hardest wave I’ve ever had to surf.

“It all happened so quickly though I didn’t even realise what was happening, I just knew it was a big, powerful chuck of ocean, it was just amazing.”

“It breaks so far out, right in the middle of the ocean, the deepest water you can get. It’s really cold and choppy and rough, and the water is really black out there, it’s very creepy and eerie to be out there.”

More Photos & Story Here

Points For Effort

Now this, this is amazing...


Snake Nearly Swallows Whole Kangaroo - Watch more free videos


Do snakes dare each other on to such remarkable feats of jaw stretching?

"Pffft. I once ate a whole koala, claws, everything."

"Oh yeah? Right. See that wallaby over there? Well, watch this!"

Another fantastic video to anti-promote Australia to tourists. 'It's not just dingos that can swallow your baby.'

Note to international readers : as the video shows, we Australians really do stand around in crowds on suburban street corners watching huge snakes trying to swallow wallabies and 'roos. Happens all the time.