Murdoch's Australian Admits Defeat In War On Twitter

How galling it must be for The Australian's editor Chris Mitchell to finally have to admit that the newspaper and its online website cannot survive without Twitter action and attention, links and new readership from social media.

Here's excerpts from The Australian's new ad for a Social Media Editor:

As we approach our 50th birthday, we continue to look for ways to build a wider audience for our journalism.

We seek an experienced professional to lead The Australian into the next stage of our engagement with social media platforms.

Situated at the heart of the newsroom, the Social Media Editor will help drive our news coverage, sourcing stories from social media and engaging with our audience.

You will promote the use of social media throughout the newsroom and keep your colleagues up to date with latest techniques to help develop stories.

Your previous roles will have equipped you to source and develop stories through social media news gathering and build positive and active social communities with consumers of The Australian's journalism on social media.

Chris Mitchell used to think social media, like Twitter, was the worst thing to happen in pretty much the entire history of media:

Like swine influenza, technologies such as Twitter race around the world before spluttering out. And when they do, the news is reported via a technology that is robust and portable, one that is information rich and never crashes - the platform for the online information age you are reading now.

And the story it tells about the latest online fad is always the same.

Like diseases that must mutate to infect ever more hosts, transitory technologies have an enormous impact until people build up resistance - which is what is happening to free social messaging service Twitter now. Certainly Twitter has generated a pandemic of popularity, but it appears many people quickly decide Twitter is tedious, with 60 per cent of new users becoming ex-users in a month.

Anybody who has used it knows why. Twitters in the information industry - journalists, political staffers, publicly funded issues activists - think Twitter is terrific because it allows them to all but instantaneously agree with each other on the issues of the hour. But in their enthusiasm, they confuse the medium for the message.

Twitter's 140-character message format is a content-killer, leaving most tweets with the compelling content of those "I'm on the bus" mobile phone conversations impossible to avoid on public transport.

The same obsession with the instantaneously ordinary occurs in mass market entertainment.

While Twitter may be fun, it is free. Online video site YouTube chews through vast amounts of bandwidth and more money because advertisers understand people do not pay attention to low-involvement media. Nor is there any evidence anybody wants to pay to watch those YouTube staples, videos of garage bands practising.

And the cassandras at website Crikey, who predict the end of print, perhaps because they see it as the only way to attract an audience and advertisers, miss the point about newspapers - they create and maintain communities. 

Now The Australian needs, is all but begging, for a social media enthusiast to maintain an online community for the newspaper, now the print edition can no longer do so.

August 14, 2013: The Australian's Obsession With Twitter Gets Plain Stupid

Andrew Bolt - I Don't Know How Twitter Works, But It's Freedom Scares Me

The Great Twitter Myth - Working Class People Don't Tweet

Andrew Bolt - I Don't Know How Twitter Works, But Its Freedom Scares Me

 Oh yes, you do.

(quick backgrounder : Andrew Bolt is Australia's most heavily promoted Rupert Mudoch columnist. While never having used Twitter, it was decided that the #AskBolt Twitter hashtag should be used to stir up and "take on the Twitterati", and almost every Murdoch media held Twitter account began pumping out his challenge to Twitter users worldwide. In short, Bolt picked a fight with Twitter, and then hijacked the Usain Bolt #AskBolt hashtag in order to do so).

He can deny it all he wants. But The Bolt Report is an Andrew Bolt Twitter account. And it's official.

It's all a bit sad to see a once innovative political blogger so utterly lost amongst the trees when it comes to Twitter.

Boo Twitter, even though it's where a good slab of his daily blog traffic comes from these days, thanks to regular spammy-link tweeting by numerous NewsCorp automated Twitter accounts. He even has the 'Tweet Me' button on every blog post, along wth the official account for his TV show. He doesn't seem to know about that, either.

#AskBolt was an idiotic idea to begin with, promoting someone who doesn't use Twitter on Twitter, with 'Come And Get Me!' tweets like "Bolt Takes On The Twitterati!"

#AskBolt was a Fukushima-scale social media disaster.

There's no way around it. Even people who had previously used the #AskBolt hashtag to say hello to the incredible sprinter Usain Bolt joined in when they discovered some idiot from Australia  had hijacked their hero's hashtag.

#AskBolt made Andrew Bolt a Twitter pinnata. People who had never even heard of this goose from down under were weeping with laughter at the constant stream of 98% inane, and more the point, non-abusive, tweets that swept #AskBolt into the Top Trending Topics in a host of countries around the world.

Nobody on Twitter had seen anything like it.

For the love of FailWhale, you don't hijack established hashtags. Particularly when you don't use Twitter in the first place.

Mindblowing. What the hell were they thinking?

But Andrew Bolt knows what's going on.

It was all a big Australian Labor Conspiracy.

Really. Hard Leftists, you see, control the Twitternets.

Bolt also seems completely unaware that the Daily Telegraph tried to promote #AskBolt on Facebook as well. Hundreds of people mocked him in commemts and shares. Whether the Daily Telegraph Facebook moderator was laughing too hard to delete any, or whether nobody actually moderates the page, who knows? But the ridicule came thick and fast there, too.

Andrew Bolt doesn't use Facebook either.

 


Hard Leftists control Facebook, too, presumably.

Here he is having a spit after discovering just how much of a social media disaster, and wider public spectacle, #AskBot was becoming.



This is how he reported on himself in the Herald Sun:



Just fantastic the way the link for tweeting Andrew Bolt's column onto Twitter lines up perfectly with this:

"I took a dip in Twitter this week, and understand even better how Labor got flushed away in a sewer of hate.

"How could Labor - and many journalists - disastrously mistake Twitter for the real world?"

The real world, you see, isn't millions of people in more than 100 hundred countries around the world communicating freely and sharing information, ideas and quality knowledge, without paywalls.

The Raal World, apparently, is Andrew Bolt's BlogWorld, where you have to register to "join in the debate" and where he bans commenters who hit to close the bone.

"(#AskBolt) electrified the Twittersphere. For hours the topic trended as Leftists, many anonymous, competed to ask me - the Great Satan of Conservatism - the worst, silliest or most abusive questions on the #askbolt hashtag.

"Fairfax newspapers thought this was sensational news."

It wasn't sensational, but it was idiotic enough a move to warrant media attention.

After all, Andrew Bolt is constantly demanding the rest of the media and the general Australian public pay attention to him, and exercise their right to free speech.

Clearly Bolt now has his limits, on both

"Gosh, hold the presses. No, wait, they're slowing already at Fairfax and no wonder, if recycling playground taunts by anonymous tweeters now passes for news reporting."

Miaow. Poor Andrew. He doesn't even know Murdoch's newspaper operation has lost more recently than Fairfax.

"In fact, to be attacked on Twitter is no news to a conservative.

"Twitter skews hard to the Left..."

 Twitter refused to take him seriously. 

"Twitter also seems to bring out the worst in users."

 Twitter isn't a bubble.

"Maybe it's the relative youth of tweeters, and the anonymity of many. Maybe it's because hate tends to sell best in the look-at-me Twittersphere."

He has his own TV show. About His Opinions.

"Or maybe it's because Twitter appeals to the impulsive sensation junkies eager to instantly broadcast their most idle thought..."

This a person who has often published more than a dozen blog posts in a single day.

Now onto the Great Australian Labor Twitter Conspiracy.

"But here's the bizarre thing: this is the audience Labor thought could save it.

"This is the crowd Prime Minister Kevin Rudd tried to impress by tweeting a picture of his shaving cut to his 1.4 million followers, thus confusing the magpie attention of tweeters with respect from very real and unimpressed voters.

"But Julia Gillard as prime minister had an even more fatal attraction to Twitter.

"Her infamous misogyny speech last year - falsely branding Abbott a woman-hater - was rightly seen at first by most commentators as a hate-filled rant that would appal many Australians."

What was Bolt saying before about people ranting like arseholes?

"But Gillard's communications director, John McTernan, eventually convinced press gallery journalists it was a success because it had gone viral on social media, including Twitter."

Gillard's speech was viewed by millions across the planet, within days. A political speech. Viewed by millions. That wasn't JFK, Obama or MLK.

That's pretty fucking viral. 

"And so Gillard, convinced by tweets and blog posts, doubled down on her politics of division, pitting women against men, workers against bosses."

Oh Twitter, is there nothing you can't do?

"Stirring hatred may indeed light up the Twittersphere but it makes the world outside your window feel sick."

Eh?

"But it's no surprise if Twitter's culture has spilled out of the internet sewers and now floods media offices.

"No surprise, when Channel 10's Paul Bongiorno retweets Mike Carlton who retweets Rudd's daughter, Jessica, who retweets Channel 10's Charlie Pickering who retweets blogger Mia Freedman who retweets the ABC's Leigh Sales who retweets her boss, Mark Scott, who retweets his presenter, Jonathan Green, who retweets John McTernan who retweets the ABC's Mark Colvin who retweets Marieke Hardy who retweets Mike Carlton who . . .

"And on it flows, a steady stream of hate, flushing the feckless with it. Labor, too."

Andrew Bolt doesn't mention, of course, the numerous automated Twitter accounts operated by NewsCorp retweeting his every blog post intro, around the clock.

You see, mere mortal journalists have to tweet links to their own stories themselves, and try and get people to read their work. Pumping their stories on social media is expected of almost every working journalist today.

But not the Mighty Bolt.

He wouldn't lower himself to using Twitter.

He has others to do it for him.

One of the last of Murdoch's protected species.

 
And just because it's funny, here's Bolt flipping out at others doing what he does almost daily, taking someone's gaffe or misspeak and using it over and over and over again.



He's just so precious.

ENCORE: Andrew Bolt didn't always think Twitter was a sewer. When Rupert Murdoch dived into Twitter, Bolt called it the "coolest new medium."

The Australian's Obsession With Twitter Gets Plain Stupid - Federal Election 2013 Day 11

Twitter, or even tweets, are not mentioned in this story, anywhere. The Australian's War On Twitter is an embarrasing, hysterical spectacle.
 

The Australian couldn't look any more desperate in its daily attempts to convince older readers Twitter has nothing to offer them. Lest they cancel their subscription to the Australian and go read most of the facts and figures the Autralian hordes behind paywalls on Twitter, for free.

The Australian's earlier attacks on Twitter as being an unreliable medium for distribution of information would be a bit more convincing if The Australian didn't have dozens of Twitter accounts spam-tweeting links to its paywalled content.

Miranda Devine spellchecks Twitter because....oh, who knows why :

A quick Twitter survey found similar pet pronunciation peeves. "Knowen" instead of "known" was one. "Lyberry" instead of "library" was another, as was "aks" instead of "ask", although that, I think, is beyond the pale.

She gets paid for that.

On the Queensland and Brisbane floods, here's some thoughts and links from my Twitter feed. It's not a detailed catalogue of the events as they unfolded, it's a bit more random.

January 1, 2011 :

So all those who went ballistic when the Australian military said natural disasters/extreme weather posed bigger threat than terrorists...

do u get it now? Do u understand? Extreme weather events are kicking Australians' butts far worse than terrorists could ever hope to.

Jan 3 :Rockhampton residents approached by "men with guns on their hips", told to evacuate "or else", according to ABCNews

Jan. 4 : Rockhampton, an Australian city of 75,000, completely cut off by floodwaters. No rail, no roads, no airport. http://tinyurl.com/2vpgj7b

Jan. 4 ; Even wild kangaroos understand it's safer in a boat than in the water of the Queensland floods http://tinyurl.com/26qaz5c

I love a sunburnt country, a land of building collapsing flashfloods, of summer snow, of town consuming firestorms, of locust & mice plagues.

January 11 :

Queenslanders told to prepare emergency kits, continuing flood crisis could last "weeks, months" http://tinyurl.com/6lbky6v

State Emergency Workers are incomprehensibly brave : http://tinyurl.com/3yxu29z the look of smiling, stunned disbelief at 00:51.

Car stacking in Toowoomba, by Mother Nature http://tinyurl.com/243z9ah

Watch the white van slam into a tree at 00:35. A man is clinging to that tree. He was rescued. http://tinyurl.com/29jquds

QLD premier Anna Bligh reveals suburbs in Brisbane will be sacrificed to preserve integrity of Wivenhoe dam (stop it overflowing)

Flash-Flooded Creek To Cars : I Will Take You, And You, And You. And That Blue Car, Too http://tinyurl.com/6dpgp29

QLD premier Anna Bligh looks stressed? Imagine being told, after the longest day of your life, "This is now a Queensland MegaDisaster."

Brisbane residents told stay in your homes, off roads, wait until announcement of your suburb being evacuated

Of the 23 SE QLD dams, 17 are overflowing after reaching maximum capacity, and three are releasing water through emergency gates

Australian PM Julia Gillard on the Queesland MegaDisaster, Jan. 11 :

"To people of QLD, I understand the past few days have been very harrowing, but there are dark days ahead.

"...we've seen walls of water smashing into cars & buildings....people hanging on for dear life...

"people are frightened, desperately waiting for news of their loved ones...my thoughts my sympathies are with you.

"...with floodwaters so dangerous, so swiftly moving, we have to brace ourselves for more tragedy."

January 12 :

Journalists nudging closer to asking PM Gillard : "Dozens of people were swept to their deaths, no warning. Who's responsible?"

In some areas of Grantham, flash flood waters rose 20 feet in less than two minutes according to resident on ABCNews24

Love the community spirit on twitter, people offering rooms and help to strangers (affected by #Qldflood). You people rock

Brisbane Lord Mayor warned in Oct. 2010 of looming repeat of 1974 floods http://tinyurl.com/4b2wgm9 'I guarantee it'.

The wreckage of Grantham, in the Lockyer Valley, smashed by an eight metre high wall of water http://bit.ly/dYxyDi

Winner of #WorldsWorstLooter. As policeman discusses looters (on news), TV news montage shows man running with wheelbarrow of gym equipment.

No truth to Channel 9 story re crocodiles on jet skis heading down into Brisbane River to claim flooded streets of Brisbane as their own. Damn.

High rise residential towers on Brisbane River evacuating. Ferry, Riverwalk, party barge to be destroyed to save bridges

Electricity shut off across Brisbane CBD, food shortage rumours, 80,000 without power, fears of water contamination

Raw sewage in Brisbane River, police protecting supermarkets, expected 50 suburbs/40,000 homes/3000 streets affected by floodwaters.

Weird, people dropping out of timelines, suddenly quiet, as phone batteries run down, networks choke, internet access crashes in

January 13 :

It takes too long for newsreaders to announce what parts of Darwin, QLD, NSW, Victoria, Tas. are flooding. Just names places not flooded.

People without power in Brisbane calling ABC612 asking for them to do time announcements, no wind up or battery clocks anymore.

Lokyer Valley hasn't had fresh water since Monday, supplies almost gone. Brisbane food shops don't know whn supplies will get thru

Blackout. 110,000 homes/business without power in Brisbane, low lying areas not expected to get power back on for min. 48 hours.

As terrible as Brisbane will look at dawn, most damage will still be underwater. When waters go Sun/Mon, full scale of destruction revealed.

Must be absolutely devastating to be a Brisbane evacuee in a shelter & 1st thing u see this morning on TV is your home flooded up to the roof.

Sssssss. Phone techs open pit for #Qldfloods repairs, find 5 of the world's most venomous snakes waiting. http://twitpic.com/3phfi9

#MegaDisaster2011 Nearly 12,000 homes in Brisbane/area flooded through. More than 2.5 million people impacted

It's only really panic buying when you're screaming continually as you try to decide between white or grain bread.

Does Kevin Costner have some kind of miraculous machine that can convert sloppy fetid flood mud into beer?

QLDPolice : 60 schools, 7 TAFEs, 19 remote teacher homes and 86 kindergartens/ child care centres damaged/closed

Two-thirds of Victoria to get 10cm of rain in next 24 hours. Incredible, this country is turning into fucking Waterworld.

January 14 :

RadioNational caller airs "rumours" re "armed looters" in Coopers Plain, QLD. Host says police and army in Brisbane to stop this

Emergency workers, ADF, Coroner's office retrieving bodies in Grantham. Nighmare scenes for workers, bodies in cars, trees

Queensland police double looting penalty. Steal water, food, gas bottles = 10 years. Presumably families won't be driven to that

Surreal listening to ABC 612 as Queenslanders detail sleepless night watching water creep into thr homes. "Water goes where it wants to go"

The only official reports of looters confirmed by gov/police in Queensland floods in past few days are about six busted looting alcohol, 3 trying to take boats

January 15 :

20-something Queenslanders already teeth-grittingly annoyed by '74 flood veterans saying, "Yeah, but this one wasn't so bad"

The only way to flood proof a city built on an ancient flood plain would be to rebuild Brisbane on stilts.

January 16 :

When will see the developers & gov. ministers responsible for building so many houses on known flood plains named & shamed?

bitumen your front lawn? http://tinyurl.com/4bsgqnk Victorian flash flood sheers off road surface, deposits it outside house.

3 metre high, 3m wide, 100m long debris pile filled with animal corpses, toxic rubbish to be "dismantled" in search for missing

I expected conspiracy sites to start linking HAARP & Australian floods, that's normal, that's what they do to keep their readers happy...

But I didn't expect to read so many journos going on about "Mother Nature's Fury", her "rage" & capitalising 'Her' as was once done for He as in God

(Pic) Man In Ankle Deep Victoria Floods Reads About People In Shoulder Deep Queensland Floods http://tinyurl.com/6c97rcn

You Can Follow Me On Twitter Here

You ask one gay guy on Twitter why he isn't off raping rodents and look what happens :




Via Mumbrella

Here is the Federal Election 2010 campaign as I saw it on Twitter over the past five weeks :

Outrageous. ABC1 cut short Superfreak by Rick James on Rage for some election announcement thingy.

How different would the asylum seeker debate be if boats filled with economic refugees from the UK & US turned up?

If you want Australians to support boat people, you have to turn it into a sport. Give the boats numbers and get them to race here

Pauline Hanson's mid-90s beliefs and policies on immigrants have now been raided by both Liberal & Labor prime ministers.

Australia has 7.5 million square kilometres & 22 million people. 3 people per square k. We're not overcrowded, we're fucking barren

Abbott costing plan to blast asylum seekers into space for "off world processing."

I sure hope in the future we never have to flee Australia in boats for any reason. How welcome would we be as refugees in Indonesia?

For non-Aust. readers, here's our new PM @JuliaGillard preparing to snog an elderly member of the electorate.http://tinyurl.com/25xtysy

@JuliaGillard Moving Forward Together? Together : Moving Forward? Or how about Forward We Move Together With Working Families?

Joe Hockey : " I don't know what Labor stands for." Same thing the Liberals stand for - keeping The Greens from shattering 2 party system.

"Moving Forward" from what? Moving Forward from the coup

I want to vote for a party moving diagonally.

Is @JuliaGillard really lifting political slogans from The Simpsons? http://tinyurl.com/2fzglrv

What election? 4 out of 6 Most Popular stories of the week on ABC News online are psychic octopus related http://tinyurl.com/23zhkcq

is anyone going to have one single fucking inspiring thing to say in this whole fucking election?

Bob Brown calls for end to Labor Vs Liberal vicious, bitter. election advertising, promoting "nasty negativism". Hear Hear.

Apparently, some evangelists think atheists, like @JuliaGillard, are satanists in disguise. Perfect cover.

@JuliaGillard announcing Australian austerity measures : "clean and green, but very very lean."

@JuliaGillard announces "this requires ongoing discipline." Mmm, discipline.

It doesn't seem to matter whether you vote Liberal or Labor, either way the mining industry's candidate becomes PM

A shame the Liberals couldn't use The Angels 'Stand Up' as their theme tune as well as their mantra http://tinyurl.com/25bydt5

From The Angels' Stand Up: "promises are easy, you swallow every word, be sure of who u serve."

Can't we just replace nearly all politicians by some mix of Google Wave & social networking? At least until the robots are ready to govern?

Two polls, one front page, utter cognitive dissonance http://tinyurl.com/353sbnp #ausvotes

Yes, it's true @JuliaGillard & @TonyAbbottMHR, we are more interested in Tambo's adventures than your campaigns http://tinyurl.com/3xz8cw9

If Citizens' Assemblies decided policy, we wouldn't have gone to war on Iraq, cannabis would be legal & everybody would have free iPads.

So now the minimum price for a 20 year old 2nd hand car is $2000? That'll keep P-platers off the roads. The poor ones anyway

On the plus side, the FedElection2010 campaign does seem to be slowing down time.

Anti-Gillard leaks from inside federal Labor should be referred to as REDs, (Ruddevised Explosive Devices)

Surreal. Reporters pepper @JuliaGillard with questions about what it's like to be peppered with questions about #Ruddileaks

Did @JuliaGillard make the decision to dump campaign plans and "Go For It" after hundreds of Twitter messages telling her to cut the shit?

@JuliaGillard promises to make sure "the real Julia is on display." Will this Real Julia also refer to herself in the third person?

Majority of Australians opposed to Afghanistan War. @SenatorBobBrown says we need a debate on it. No media reported this today.

A Philip K Dick election. What manufactured reality are we in now? Another fake? Is this the real Julia? Are u real? Am I?

Seriously, if Labor don't know how pissed off people still are about the coup, they don't deserve to win

Craig Emerson is dying on Q & A like a kitten juggler at a PETA Christmas party.

Christian lobby groups panicking that environment-minded Christians are drifting off to hang out with atheist Greens. Interesting.

A shocking international headline for this federal election. From the UK Independent : "Children found starving in rural Australia" http://ind.pn/cpVvkX

The Liberals think a few thousand asylum seekers is a more important issue than national broadband. Priority/reality check needed.

Co-conspirator of illegal war that killed more than 200,000 wanders freely thru Australian communities during campaign http://tinyurl.com/28mgvpz

So far in @JuliaGillard's launch speech, the Mr Rabbits have outnumbered the Mr Abbotts 2 to 1

Even Westies who moved away decades ago are secretly pleased so much of election appears to be hanging on Westie opinion

New Liberals slogan : 'Let's Wait And See What Happens Tomorrow, Okay?'

The fact that carers get so little for looking after the elderly & new mothers will get so much tells you a lot about our priorities

Welfare for the poor? Bad. Welfare for the rich? Good. Think Liberal.

"Mr Rabbit, we got another boat here, whaddauwannado?" "How many Muslims on board?" "About 40." "Turn em round."

@SenatorBobBrown's checklist of issues undebated, so far, revealed how thin & duplicate campaigns of Gillard & Abbott have been.

Gillard can live with 'Ranga', but can Tony Abbott handle 'The Rabbit'?

Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Governor General John Howard. US Ambassador Alexander Downer. The Horror.

Darryl Mason On Twitter

Rodent Rogered

By Darryl Mason



Miranda Devine, September 3, 2009 :

"A surfeit of self-love is almost a prerequisite for success now, and the proliferation of egomaniac sites, from Twitter and MySpace to Facebook and YouTube, make the peer pressure to be grandiose and irrationally self-confident almost irresistible."

On Sunday, Miranda Devine, columnist for the Sydney Morning Herald, 2003 recipient of the federal government's Centenary Medal and former board member of the Catholic Weekly, engaged with 20 year old university student Justin Barbour on Twitter. Barbour didn't like one of Devine's recent columns about gay marriage :




Miranda Devine, "born in the early 60s", replied :




Devine responded to the 20 year old student's demands for an apology for publicly associating him with the raping of mostly harmless rodents, with this message :



No doubt she will get a column or six out of the Twitter frenzy and journos-on-journos column inches that followed, and no doubt it will be all to her great delight.

In at least one of the columns she will write, she will portray herself as a hapless victim of online hate speech.

As for Devine's previous views on homosexuality, she wrote this in August 2002 (excerpts) :

Gays kiss on prime-time TV shows without protest. The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras has become so mainstream that it's unfashionable. Society's attitude is basically that what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is nobody else's business.

...modern society....is already benignly tolerant of homosexuality. There is no longer any stigma attached to homosexuality, no discrimination, not even a raised eyebrow.

But that is not enough, it seems. Activists will not rest until homosexuality is treated as just another sexual preference in life's infinite smorgasbord, just as desirable as heterosexuality, if not more so. Failure to go along with the equivalence argument will result in heavy penalty...

The US Library of Congress is now archiving every public post that appears on Twitter.

From now until the day the sun explodes, there will be a permanent digital archive at the Library of tens of thousands of Twitter messages filed under the subject Miranda Devine and #RogeringGerbils.

At its peak last night, the number of Twitter messages posted under #RogeringGerbils soaked up an astounding 1 in every 100 tweets.

The Herald Sun decided to go with the headline : You've Been Rogering Gerbils.

How could they not?




Here's a piece I wrote for ABC's Unleashed back on April 16, warning all of the permanency of everything posted on Twitter. Miranda Devine tried to delete her comments, but it didn't work.

Nothing disappears.

Roger The Gerbil : Bulwark Of A Civilisation In Devine Decline

.

Yes, I am recycling posts & links from my Twitter feed and trying to pass it off as fresh blog content, but only for your weekend light-reading pleasure. The best from the past week or so :

If that dog taking the lead in the Greek riots looks familiar, he's been out front of Greek protests for TWO YEARS. http://bit.ly/c2yd8e

Poor Elvis. Death by constipation. http://tinyurl.com/2cdknax Too many opiates, not enough olive oil.

lStory claims 'Fat Elvis' would shit himself onstage and had 5 month old turds in double-width, double length colon. No wonder he shuffled.

Reading #ge2010 (UK election tweets) for an hour is like having the front pages, op-eds & editors' letters of a thousand UK newspapers poured into your head.

Seriously, a typo is the cause of the biggest intraday points plunge in the history of the US stock markets? I cough **bullshit**

Why can't we taste food over the internet yet? WHY? Even scratch & sniff would be a step in the right direction.

WTF? NYTimes, 1864 : Woman has snake living in her stomach. Sometimes rises up her throat causing strangulation http://tinyurl.com/3x22gyo

Every Magazine Your Girlfriend Ever Read, In One Issue http://tinyurl.com/2awcwss

Scotch is for unpacking, beer is for moving in. Bourbon is for rental home hunting. Lots of bourbon.

Americans don't deserve Barack Obama. Considering the fuckarama he inherited, his 1st year record of achievements is utterly astounding.

Australian needs a new political party. The Barbarian Party. Pro-drugs, pro-binge drinking, pro-street fighting, pro-tasteless comedy.

....pro-smokes on the PBS, pro-violent video games, pro-porn, pro-public executions for major corporate fraudsters

Thanks Monsanto! Mutant superweeds that grow 3 inches a day invading American farms. http://tinyurl.com/27bmosz

New York Times reporters return to sifting through "maggot covered garbage" for a story. But they got it http://tinyurl.com/2e87x4d

Celery salt is a main ingredient of KFC's 'secret herbs & spices'. Once you start adding it to food, it's hard to stop. Addicted.

Newsreaders breathe a sigh of relief that next major volcano predicted to erupt isn't named something unpronounceable http://j.mp/d6w0F0

"nuclear blasts were used 169 times in Soviet Union (to create) underground storage spaces (&) building canals." http://tinyurl.com/267x3bj

In 1967, United States had 31,255 nuclear warheads. they now have 5133. How many were detonated below ground for mining/tunneling?

Miners are whiners. Man up.

Dear @NASA . If the Earth was about to smashed by a fat meteor, would the ISS crew have to bail out to make way for the First Family?

Conservative media try to float campaign to have Rudd replaced by Gillard. Rudd has "only" 63% approval ratings. "Only." Hilarious.

Washington DC medical cannabis freedom law will have to pass House & Senate. Commercial potshops with 95 plants.http://tinyurl.com/28bq5ee

If Obama develops glaucoma, he will soon be able to legally score 4 ounces of prime cannabis a month, and smoke it on his West Wing balcony.

So the only time in recent memory The Age gets national media coverage is not for breaking a huge story, but for sacking a writer.

Murdoch's assemblage of right wing loudmouths keeping their jobs thanks to endless flow of Avatar profits. Greenie propaganda saves jobs?

"He begins to think of the sound (of citylife) as something almost alive, the rumbling exhale of a great creature" http://tinyurl.com/2c3m96q

If someone gets good video of PMRudd in a rage, hurling abuse at his staff and calling them cunts, this election is over.

Remember how Al Qaeda was going to "destroy our way of life"? Turns out it was psychotic capitalist greed instead http://tinyurl.com/3xb3dcm

If the states are abolished, does that make my mum's States of Australia tea-towel collection more or less valuable?

Blue Whales Hold Press Conference : "U really screwed up this time. Stop the oceans filling with oil or we're becoming land mammals. Again."

President @barackobama praises The 99, "comic book superheroes who embody the teachings & tolerance of Islam" http://tinyurl.com/3473ok3

Rarely seen 2003 Chris Morris short film http://tinyurl.com/36nrhqq

BP admits there are few resources "left in the world" to fight Mexico Gulf oil spill. Where are The Thunderbirds? http://tinyurl.com/36nc659

The Benjamin Button effect in Osama Bin Laden photographs http://tinyurl.com/2g86fkt

If men didn't have sports in which to show off to women, and each other, would we start growing plumage?

You Can Read My Pre-Recycled Twitter Posts Here

If enough of you regular readers join Twitter, I'll do a piece on the most interesting people to follow on Twitter, and why. Be sure to say howdy after you've signed up.

@TwitterHype

Politicians are calling Federal Election 2010 'The Twitter Election', apparently :

Federal Liberal MP Andrew Laming told a parliamentary seminar discussing the "Twitter election" that politicians could use the social networking site Facebook as a powerful tool to phish phone numbers.

Yes, a federal member of parliament does appear to be lavishing praise on a form of digital identity fraud, at least according to this headline :



From the Courier Mail :

"There is extraordinary capacity there to create non-political pages and harvest and phish huge numbers of not only emails but mobile phone numbers," he said.

"And once you have a mobile phone number . . . they don't have to follow me, I phish them and can sort of harvest huge numbers of mobile phone numbers and then I just drop them onto a single piece of software and I can SMS hundreds if not thousands of people directly when I choose."

Yeah, that'd work great. If people didn't furiously mind getting spam messages from politicians on their phones and want to punch the sender in the face, or the nuts.

What's the thinking here?

And if it really is going to be 'The Twitter Election', what should we make of the massive gulf in Twitter followers when it comes to the main event?






There's no denying the incredible power of a politician being able to reach thousands, or tens of thousands of voters through Twitter updates, free of media filtering or re-interpretation.

So far on Twitter, Rudd (and/or his team) is making Abbott look like an amateur.

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Here Comes The Rooster

Annabel Crabb, now chief political writer at the ABC, broke the news of a raging three-way feud (with e-mail revelations) between Liberals Tony "unelectable" Abbott, Malcolm Turnbull and Julie Bishop.

But on Twitter, Sky News' David Speers reveals he might have a bigger, follow-on scoop :


Don't get carried away. Twas merely the result of some teasing auto-pruning by Twitter's 140 characters per message limit. The full message :



Pah!


Julie Posetti : Your Election Will Be Twitterised

Twitterocracy

By @DarrylMason

Deputy PM, Julia Gillard, on Insiders :

"(A leader) can't govern the nation by tweet."

And yet, one day we will probably be voting by Twitter, using laptop thumbprint or iris scanners. Gillard :

People don't expect their politicians to just text out a message.

Imagine, you know, "What do you think the defence budget should be?" And apparently a whole lot of tweets come back and you accept that. That's not leadership."

It's not leadership. But it's an interesting way to get some instant unfiltered feedback, which is exactly what (pending) Liberal Party leader Joe Hockey did last week on Twitter :

Hey team re The ETS. Give me your views please on the policy and political debate. I really want your feedback.

Julia Gillard, of course, is not on Twitter. Yet.

If you're not on it, you don't get it. And even when you are on it, you still won't get it for a while. And then, one day, whap! you realise what Twitter is all about, what it can do, and, perhaps more importantly, what it can do for you.

David Speers, political editor of Sky News, has a great piece on political reporting through 140 character messages :

Now it's all about Twitter.

And here everyone can play along. If you "follow" the right people, anyone can have a front-row seat. The role of Twitter in providing information during the Mumbai terrorist attack and the Iranian election has been well documented.

But last week we saw Twitter seriously step up to the plate in Australian political reporting for the first time.

New developments, big and small, along with pithy comments were constantly "tweeted" by plugged in journalists around the clock. While still relying on party sources for major developments, I picked up a lot of good information from journalists I trust on Twitter.

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Like anything to do with press-gallery journalism, there's a healthy dose of competition when it comes to Twitter.

Every journo wants to be the first to tweet something new and there's nothing more embarrassing than thinking you have, only to scroll down and see The Australian's Samantha Maiden posted the same thing 15 minutes ago.

But there's also an interesting spirit of information sharing among competing journalists.

I didn't have much time last week to see or the news during the day, but checking into Twitter once an hour (or a few times an hour when the action in Canberra was heating up), gave me what felt like a front row seat to the historically explosive flurry of activity in the halls and backrooms of Parliament House, as press gallery journalists not only competed with each other to be the first on radio or TV with breaking news, but the first on Twitter. Most of the time, they twooted their scoops minutes before they broke them on air, or hours before they appeared on their news sites.

There are probably more Australian journalists working the twootstream than politicians, but after this week, that will all change. The idea that any serious politician will head into a late March, 2010, federal election without being on Twitter, or at least having someone in their office twooting for them, and reading the @ feedback, will seem bizarre, so very 20th century, and pigeonhole them as being out of touch with their electorate.

If Twitter really takes off with the Australian public, and it certainly seems to be doing incredibly well so far, we will see up-and-coming politicians build their base through Twitter, and arrive in Canberra with thousands of followers, instantly communicating and sharing news with their electorate online.

I'm not seeing a lot of negatives to the above prediction. Eventually, it will be all but impossible for politicians to lie or deceive on Twitter. They'll get absolutely hammered, near instantly, not only by their own followers, but by their political enemies and the digital media always searching for that next Twitter scoop.

For that reason alone, Twitter is great for Australian democracy, and honesty in politics.

The brighter the sunlight, the quicker the dark clouds of spin fade away.

It's Still Shit, But We Like It Now

In April, 2009, Chris Mitchell, the editor of The Australian, compared 140 character messages on Twitter to acclaimed BBC TV dramas and Oscar winning movies and found that Twitter messages are lacking, in depth and detail and profoundosity.

Mitchell predicted the fast demise of the global message distributor, under the headline Time Is Up For Twitter.

Like swine influenza, technologies such as Twitter race around the world before spluttering out.

...the story it tells about the latest online fad is always the same. Like diseases that must mutate to infect ever more hosts, transitory technologies have an enormous impact until people build up resistance...

Twitter's 140-character message format is a content-killer, leaving most tweets with the compelling content of those "I'm on the bus" mobile phone conversations impossible to avoid on public transport.

Stupid, useless Twitter.

But wait!

Octoher, 2009 : More than 50 million people visit Twitter each month. One if five internet users are doing something Twitter-related on a regular basis.

And so, today :



Just in case..

I Read Twitter, So You Don't Have To

Paul McCartney joins Twitter, and is immediately beset by questions. Some very funny, very entertaining questions. Highlights from the #AskPaul thread, before it got nasty :

Does marijuana grow in Scotland, or is there not enough light?

Are you really the Walrus or was John full of shit?

Do you know any cheats for The Beatles Rock Band?

If you put a chameleon in a house of mirrors, what colour would it turn?

Do you still keep in touch with Mark Chapman?

At your age, do you still do it in the road?

If Stephen Hawkings and the Mona Lisa were in a burning caravan which would you save?

Do you ever listen to "Pipes Of Peace" while pushing a red-hot tuning fork up your arse? I know I do.

You think you're better than me, don't you?

Have you ever killed a drifter with your bare hands just to see him die?

Which record am I supposed to play backwards for the Satanic messages?

Ebony or Ivory?

Who exactly were the band on the run from?

Why did you give up music after the Beatles split?

Who did you like better, The Beatles or The Stones?

When brushing your teeth in the mirror, do you ever shake your hair excitedly and squeal "Ooooooo!"?

If all The Beatles were alive today, which one do you think would die first?

Do you ever get sick of people saying "I told you so" re Heather Mills?

If we all lived in yellow submarine, who would be the unlucky one cleaning the communal toilet?

Can I do a poo at your house?

Is it fair to say you were the Billy Corgan of Wings?

Which do you think is better, "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" or that one you did?

How much did you pay Axl Rose to let you cover Live And Let Die?

Not sure I want to buy a ticket for your gig. Can you come round my house and give me a preview?

Such treatment of the man who wrote Helter Skelter (and Frog Chorus) is the Twitter punishment for opening an account for no reason other than to flog your concerts and Europe Travel/Gig packages.

You can #AskPaul McCartney a question yourself here.

Australian journos, writers and bloggers dive into a Friday afternoon Twitter thread on Medieval Bumper Stickers. Some highlights :

rod_benson : That's not a scythe. THIS is a scythe.

Colvinius : King Harold decides who will come to this country and the circumstances in which they come.

wolfcat: Want to live to 30? Ask me how

Colvinius : I subscribe to the Albigensian Heresy and I vote.

clubwah : A dog is for dinner, not just for Christmas

Colvinius : Save carbon emissions - don't burn heretics, drown them

CristenTilley : Not happy, Joan

Colvinius : My dad went to sack Jerusalem and all I got was this lousy bottle of holy water

rod_benson : No king will live in poverty by 1066.

clubwah : Jesus loves you. But if you love him expect to be burned at the stake

rod3000 : I Support Our Veterans of The Crusades

rod_benson : I crusade and I vote.

zombiemao : Kevin 1507

clubwah : I hunt and I'd vote if it weren't for the feudal system

rod3000 : Hot Oil Disarmament Now!

clubwah : Swords don't kill people, people do

rod3000 : I (heart) Magna Carta

Well, I thought they were pretty funny.

Have a great weekend.

Impossible Fiction

By Darryl Mason

Found this on Twitter last night : 'Enter The Times Cheltenham Twitter Competition'. The task is to write "a story" in less than 140 characters. Fucking hard. Infuriatingly hard. Which, of course, is what makes it such a fun and 'must try this now!' writing challenge.

So here's a few of my post-midnight entries :

* "Run! the voice in her head yelled. "Run NOW!" She got up from the table and ran outside. A car mounted the curb and killed her instantly.

* The plane exploded. She counted the stars as she fell, ready for death. Then she saw her house far below. She aimed for her pool....

* "How much do you love me?" "More than life itself." She handed him a knife, "Prove it." "Okay," he said, "you're number two on my Love List."

* "I can't marry you," she sighed. "I'm not real. You made me up." The moment he realised this was true, she vanished. He picked up his pen, again.

* "One day you will invent a time machine," the visitor said. "I'm here to show you how." The visitor was decades older than my reflection

* When he left Earth, he was an astronaut. When he arrived on The Moon they told him he was, in fact, a soldier, and he would never go home again.

Note, these stories as they exist here are slightly longer than 140 characters, but only because I removed the Twitter shorthand which renders 'about' as 'abt', 'you're' as 'yr', 'realised' as 'realsd' and so on, for easier reading.

You can look at the other entries to the comp. here.

I'm still up in the air about Twitter as a vehicle for fiction, incredibly short fiction as above, or very well structured serial fiction told 140 characters at a time, over God knows how long. It's like trying to stuff a fat old reluctant dog through a tiny cat door.

Turning, or translating, a finished novel into a Twovel seems an equally impossible task. I've been working my way through a novel of mine that was published in 1996, Max & Murray, converting it into a twovel, as you can see if you look to the right of this page and down. But so far it feels pretty much like a total fucking disaster. Which makes me want to both abandon it and finish it as quickly as possible so this ridiculous experiment is done with.

Anyway, I'll get into all that in a longer post, later, with some examples of paragraphs from Max & Murray the printed novel versus the twovel posts I've done so far here.

Yes, I know, thrilling stuff.

@darrylmason

It Was A Stupid Waste Of Time, Until I Started Using It

In May, Tony Wright, national affairs editor for Fairfax media, unloaded a tirade of anti-Twitter bitterness, claiming "much of the chatter is less substantial than air" (excerpts) :

Twitter, for those free souls who have avoided contact with modernity, is a method of shooting your latest thought (a term used loosely) into that disembodied world inhabited by the millions who operate a computer or a mobile phone. You have precisely 149 characters, including spaces, to type each thought, which boils down to the sad question: "What are you doing now?"

The result, almost universally, is banal communication almost beneath description.

It is the current equivalent of citizens' band (CB) radio, where the poor sad sods who drove trucks up and down the highway shouted "breaker, breaker" into their hand-held mikes, followed by inane fantasies that rarely amounted to more than the truth that here was a bored person sitting isolated on his bum, watching the traffic go by.

A recent Nielsen survey that found 60 per cent of Twits quit in the first month is cause for hope that we have not all lost our minds. Dross is dross, even if it spins in the enchanting cosmos of cyberspace.

Tony Wright joined Twitter on August 15. He now uses Twitter prolifically, primarily to cover Question Time.

Bigger Than Jesus, Iran And Michael Jackson

By Darryl Mason

For a few hours tonight, tens of millions of Twitter users in dozens of countries looked at the Trending Topics sidebar and, in a global moment of mass questioning, thought "Who The Fuck Is Rove?"



Whoever he is, for a few hours on Twitter he was bigger than the Iran Election and Michael Jackson. Quite an accomplishment, for an Australian TV show.

Rove McManus of Rove Live became one of only a few TV hosts from anywhere in the world to land in the Trending Topics, and perhaps only Jon Stewart has only also ever reached the top spot. Which is sort of like having a number one worldwide hit single that all but nobody has heard on the radio, for just an hour or two, before quickly fading into general global obscurity.

How did Rove become a topic of even greater discussion amongst Twitter users than the Iran Election and Michael Jackson?

There was a certain amount of manipulation from Rove, urging the viewers of his TV show to get onto Twitter and use the term 'Twitter Time'. Plus, Rove McManus already has 50,000 people following him on Twitter. If a good slab of them are watching his show, already discussing what he's up to as he broadcasts his show, who he's interviewing, and they tag their Twitter posts with #rove, then Rove is clearly a subject of much discussion and comment volume, so into the Trending Topics list he goes.

The fact that he also interviewed Sasha-Borat Cohen, in the guise of Bruno, helped enormously. Viewers twooting along while they watched Rove do the interview discussed Bruno's fantastically obscene knitted fashion choices. Mentioning 'Bruno' in their Twitter comments meant that a few million somewhere else in the world who were searching Twitter for news about the Bruno movie found comments by Rove twooters mentioning the interview. It would seem a few tens of thousands of them then commented that there is a fantastic Bruno interview on some Australian TV show called Rove. Some of the comments echoed a refrain : Why Can't I Watch This Now On YouTube?

So Rove started being mentioned in probably a few hundred thousand Twitter comments, in just one hour, because of the Bruno association.

I'm not quite sure if this actually means that more people were twalking about Rove at the same time then they were about Michael Jackson, but Rove's name appeared in more posts on Twitter, for an hour or two, including all those who picked up on the phrase 'Twitter Time' and asked, What Is Twitter Time? and Who The Fuck Is Rove?

Rove's name became word associated with Bruno and Twitter and Twitter Time. Bruno was already in the Trending Topics on Twitter before the Rove interview aired tonight, and so as Rove viewers twooted about how fucking insane Bruno was, or how funny his knitted penis was, Twitter users interested in Bruno who weren't watching the interview as it was being broadcast (because they weren't near a TV or lived in a country other than Australia) passed on the news about Bruno to all the people who followed them. A chain reaction of interest spreads, and Rove's name is carried along. Rove then becomes known as a name to the millions who were already twooting about Bruno and what his new movie will be like, and as soon as Rove reached the Trending Topics, because of the volume of twoots containing the word 'Rove'. And so, having reached the bottom of the Trending Topics list, the volume increased when people began asking 'Who The Fuck Is Rove?' as many tend to do when they see a name or word in the Trending Topics they are unfamiliar with. They don't go for a Google, they just ask the people who follow them, 'Who Is This? What Does This Mean?'

If that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I've been using Twitter for a few months and I'm still trying to get my head around it. There's not a whole lot to learn, you read comments, you post your own, you follow people, people follow you, but there's a gigatlantic-sized mountain to think about, particularly how Twitter is beginning to become the sort of actual real-time globally shared conversation that many pre-internet visionaries imagined would one day become a part of our digital reality.

While Rove may be hitting sixes using Twitter to promote the name 'Rove', he failed to capitalise on a brief worldwide interest in who he was, and what had happened on his show tonight that furnaced up so much discussion.

The interview with Borat's distant relative Bruno was not available anywhere online, hours after the show aired. In this age of Instant Online Everything, this ranks as something close to criminal. Why not share it all but immediately with those who missed it, or lived in the many countries where Rove is not screened, but where people were asking 'Who The Fuck Is Rove?'

The Bruno interview may be up today, or tomorrow, on YouTube, but that all so brief moment of worldwide Twitter interest passes quickly. I'm sure the interview will become extremely popular on YouTube and will rack up a few hundred thousand hits in four or five days. But here was an opportunity for someone from Rove to whip that clip onto YouTube as soon as it aired, get the link onto Twitter, and watch as five million around the world in just a few hours flooded in to watch the Rove & Bruno YouTube, thanks to the Twitter heads-up.

They didn't do it, so the above is just speculation. But it certainly seems like a scenario that could have happened, had the clip gone up straight away.

Because Kevin Rudd also appeared on Rove tonight, straight after the Bruno interview, and joined the Rove and Bruno and Twitter Time related discussions, our prime minister leapt into the Trending Topics as well. I didn't move fast enough to screengrab that.

Again, by midnight, hours after the show aired, the Rove interview of Kevin Rudd is still not up on YouTube, or any site that can be linked to. The international Twitterfolk who saw 'Kevin Rudd' in the Trending Topics and no longer bother with Googling, were asking their followers 'Who The Fuck Is Kevin Rudd?'

In these days of Instant Everything, not being able to immediately watch something that aired on TV but was missed, feels like you've been slighted.

Cheated.

What the fuck do you mean I can't watch this thing I heard about on Twitter right now online? Why is there no link? And what is this word 'Wait' word you keep using?

It just feels so very 20th century.

Correction : I know the estimates of overall Twitter users is too high. About eight million online at any one time, across the world is probably closer, but I'll go look for some detailed estimates of Twitter traffic.

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