Conga Line Of Hilarity

By Darryl Mason

Mike Carlton takes his well-sharpened scythe to the new Opposition front bench :

That egregious drongo Kevin Andrews is the Coalition's new shadow minister for families, housing and human services, ha ha.

The rebarbative Senator Eric Abetz gets workplace relations, haw haw. Bronwyn Bishop, aka Attila the Hen, will be "working with seniors", tee hee.

Philip Ruddock, the whited sepulchre, returns from the dead; a backwoods Queensland bean counter, Barnaby Joyce, is given the finance portfolio and, most hilarious of all, Senator Nick Minchin will handle energy and resources. Chortle, guffaw.

Never let it be said that Tony Abbott is without a sense of humour.

Oh, he's a comedic genius. The grimly determined straight man to Barnaby 'Fuck China' Joyce.

Meanwhile, Malcolm Turnbull sits back, enjoying the show as much as the rest of us, probably more, and bides his time. Let the reanimated Howard-era remnants take the floor for a while, let them spout their 20th century ideas and ideals to a nation that has mostly well and truly moved on. Let them frighten away the few still willing to dump some cash into the Liberal Party coffers. Let them lose the next federal election and lose their seats in the process. Then the rebuilding of the Liberal Party can begin.

If Turnbull can still be bothered by then, that is.

But the question for now is, how will Tony Abbott deal with what are expected to be the very regular mopping up sessions before the media after Barnaby Joyce relieves himself with a grin? How many times will Abbott jam his hand into a plastic bag to quickly disappear yet another moist, warm Joyce deposit on Econogeddon before he just fucking snaps?

And what does Abbott think about the stories drifting down from North Queensland on how Barnaby has been boasting to some locals that the Liberals need him far more than he needs them? That soon enough the polls will reveal he is a more popular choice for opposition leader than Abbott? And that he could one day, if he really wanted to, even have a fair crack at becoming prime minister?

After getting rid of Tony Abbott, that is.

A fresh slogan for the opposition they can have for free :

The Coalition 2010 : Please Stop Laughing.

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You Slurp Your White Wine And Sip Your Lattes

It's often interesting to see how the international media is reporting news from Australia.

Nick Cohen, of the UK Guardian, takes his readers through recent tumultuous events in Australian politics :

Last week, Malcolm Turnbull became the first right-wing leader to be deposed for the ideological crime of taking global warming seriously. Turnbull was a confident politician, from a party that had dominated Australian politics until Labor's victory in 2007.

He thought he was at the centre of the English-speaking world's conservative consensus. He dutifully committed his Liberal party to go along with Labor's plans to use a cap-and-trade scheme to cut emissions. His party's members went wild.

Tony Abbott, a reactionary Catholic, saw his chance, added opposition to green taxes to the old agenda of opposing gay marriage and abortion, and replaced Turnbull as leader.

How concise.

Cohen also claims a "right-leaning" Australian journalist told him that :

"climate change is now morphing from a science issue into yet another front line in the culture wars, in which any obsession of the inner-city, mung-bean-flavoured-tofu-eating, latte-slurping political/academic/media class is automatically the target of resentment and scorn".

So many cliches. There isn't a Google entry for Piers Akerman using "mung bean flavoured tofu eating" elites. Yet.

And this :

Globally, environmentalism is a middle-class cause, and in Britain, disastrously for its supporters, the children of the aristocracy and super-rich dominate the green movement. As before, many onlookers fear that they will pay the price for the soothing of the consciences of the wealthy.

Poor people like trees and clean air, too.

"The Liberals Are Back!"

@AlexHawkeMP favourites this brilliantly accurate, only slightly exaggerated, take on last week's Liberal Party Meltdown from Hungry Beast :



When the next Newspoll shows a 10 point two party preferred leap for the Liberals, you are going to see that headline all over the media....Well, The Australian anyway.

The Libs should move fast and get that phrase, "The Liberals Are Back!", into their advertising as soon as the Newspoll results are out.

It works, and it will also provide plenty of fodder for the satirists.

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Here Comes The Rooster

Annabel Crabb, now chief political writer at the ABC, broke the news of a raging three-way feud (with e-mail revelations) between Liberals Tony "unelectable" Abbott, Malcolm Turnbull and Julie Bishop.

But on Twitter, Sky News' David Speers reveals he might have a bigger, follow-on scoop :


Don't get carried away. Twas merely the result of some teasing auto-pruning by Twitter's 140 characters per message limit. The full message :



Pah!


Julie Posetti : Your Election Will Be Twitterised