A Christmas Story Starring A Fucking Big Spider

By Darryl Mason

3 days ago a Huntsman spider as big as as Homer-sized donut ran in the back door. I saw it run in. I saw it from the end of the yard. I ran for the back door, but it was too late. It was already turning a corner in the hall, and disappearing under furniture.

It was Christmas, who's got time for a war with a spider that big? That would be a mission. You're in and out, too much to do. We tried as hard as possible to ignore each other's presence, particulary after midnight. When it ran across the roof, it did it in a way that seemed to say, "Ahh, sorry, I need to be over there, so...I'll make it quick."

You can get used to that. No big deal. Spider got to do what a spider got to do.

What was unnerving was its habit of suddenly running at me when I went to open the back door. It happened four times. It's not there, suddenly it's there, clearly running at you as fast as it can. Fck that for a joke.

I didn't shriek, not once, as it ran at me ad I leapt out of its way, so I have matured somewhat since my 20s. But after the 3rd time, I thought about going out a window rather than going near the back door again.

The fourth encounter was just then, in the last minutes of Christmas Day 2012. I had to take rubbish out. No, not this time. I wasn't going to pushed around by some spider, even if it could cover half your face if it decided to stretch itself over your nose and eyes while you're sleeping.

It was time for me to stand my ground.

Or get something to smash the living shit out of it with.

No, spiders can spin webs, I can't, spiders might not be smarter than humans, but they're forward thinkers, and that's intelligence. Intelligent enough anyway. We could deal with this like reasonable beings.

Hand on the door, and out it came again. Fck me, was it even bigger than yesterday?

ohhhshhhhit

In that single second the Huntstman took to close the distance between where it had been hiding behind the base of a cupboard and where I stood, I was sure I could actually hear its legs clicking on the tiles. It ran across my bare foot, paused, and then stopped at the door. I didn't scream, but I didn't breathe either, so...

The Huntsman didn't run up the screen door, it just stopped there at the bottom, like it was waiting. Waiting for me to open the door....

Oh.

It was waiting. That's why it ran at me when I went to the back door. It didn't want to be inside, it wanted to get the hell out.

I opened the door, and the spider ran out. Off into the night. I noted what I can only describe as an impatient haughtiness to its departure. Like it had things to do and places to be, and I had screwed up its plans.

Like I had wasted its time.

And as it disappeared into midnight shadows of the garden and...it was the wind, of course, the wind and the Christmas beer, spiders don't cuss out humans, impossible, but I heard something, something like :

"You asshole. You made me miss Christmas."

Sydney Crane Collapse Aftermath

A crane caught fire this morning in Sydney and collapsed across an apparently very solid University of Technology building. No one killed or injured, but a whole load of traffic chaos. How are they getting to get this wreck down? We'll find out in the next few days....

Photos by Darryl Mason

Baby Animals Finish Recording New Album

Here's sme of my photos from the last day of recordings for the new 2013 album from The Baby Animals. Photos are of guitarist Dave Leslie and singer Suze DeMarchi.

The Screaming Jets Paul Woseen Plays Front Row Sessions

 


































Back in late 1990, early 1991, Paul Woseen's acoustic guitar and remarkable voice could be heard booming from The Screaming Jets HQ in Rushcutters Bay. Clement Street was a bit of an echo, and wind, chamber in a quiet neighbourhood, the music carried, but no-one ever complained about Paul playing.

Paul would play songs that would soon become Screaming Jets classics, Helping Hand, Think or Best Of You, all through a weekday afternoon. Even in its early, and extended, acoustic version, Helping Hand pulled passersby to a halt. Some of the most important songs from Tear Of Thought were written over that summer of 90-91. I've been waiting 20 years to hear Paul sing these songs again, just him and his guitar.

Paul Woseen will be performing acoustic versions of his songs from The Screaming Jets albums All For One and Tear Of Thought on Wed and Thurs night, November 21 and 22, upstairs at The Hive Bar, Erskineville, for the Front Row Sessions. Not to be missed.

Book tickets here at Front Row Sessions

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RuddRooRage

Finally, some news worth blogging about :

Irate ratepayer Kevin Rudd brought a dead wallaby into this week’s council meeting, leaving blood stains on the floor.

Mr Rudd, who addressed the meeting about a modification to a development application, was halfway through his speech when he went to the door and took a large hessian bag from a person waiting outside.

He threw the bag into the middle of the room and then lifted the dead wallaby from the bag by its tail.

I'm sure bearing the name Kevin Rudd had no role to play in this man's iratedness.

The nuclear bombs begin exploding in Australia exploding at 3:00:

Ruddney Rude Vs NWA

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Screaming Jets Grounded

The Screaming Jets could have announced a 'Last Shows Ever!' tour, like so many other Australian bands have done, and sold out shows in every state, made a decent amount of money.

But the band knows a 'Last Shows Ever!' tour would be bullshit. Like Powderfinger, the Jets will perform together again, but they weren't interested in lying to their fans. Of course there will be more live shows from the Screaming Jets. They'll play together again, they know it, and their fans should know it. But when? That we don't know.

Here's a clip from the last show (for the time being) by The Screaming Jets, at Summernats 2012. Keep the sound low, it's distorted as hell, but the stage perspective is interesting. At 10,000 plus, it's one of the biggest audiences the Jets have ever played to :



A few pics from the gig:











More To Come...