Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Just Replace 'Plague Of Blood' With 'Feral Pigs'

According to the Daily Telegraph, this will be NSW in 2011

Okay, I've heard some pretty wild predictions about what the results of rapid climate change might be from the likes of Tim Flannery & ABC's Robyn Williams, but I've never seen even the most apocalyptically-fixated warmitarian fear monger claim the people of New South Wales, in 2011, will suffer "the same fate" as Egypt under the alleged 10 biblical plagues.

The Daily Telegraph, of course :

Fuck! NSW is going to suffer plagues of Blood? Of Frogs? Of Gnats, Wildbeasts, Pestillence, Boils, Hail, Locusts, plagues of Darkness & plagues of Dead Firstborns? All in just one year?

Well, not quite.

The Daily Telegraph has its own version of the plagues detailed in the Book of Exodus :
"Rabbits, mice, feral pigs...snakes. locusts, ticks, cockroaches, sandflies, mosquitoes, bluebottles."
Where it gets really freaky is when you get them crossover plagues, where a few ramp up at the same time, and start mingling.

That's when you get rabbits on feral pigs hurling cockroach encrusted bluebottles at fleeing humans.

It could happen.


However, the story does offer up is this all too real and vomitous reality, for night-time wearers of lip gloss and ice-cream dribblers :
...he issued a special warning for women who wear the flavoured varieties to bed.

"They can smell the flavours and to them it's just food."

Cockroaches like to lick and nibble human lips in the dark of night, depending on what your lips smell like.

Remember, the deeper you sleep, the less likely you are to hear those tiny little lapping noises, coming from just below your nose.

It's probably best not to know.