Monday, June 07, 2010

"We Will Decide Which Cetaceans Enter This Country, And The Manner In Which They Come!"

By Darryl Mason

Peter Garrett strikes out on his own as federal Labor descends into a shambles, offering blue whales free air mattresses if they find their way onto land and don't wish to return to the sea :

Opposition leader Tony Abbott, reveling in his best poll numbers yet against prime minister Kevin Rudd, is expected to mount a furious campaign against what he has already described as the Rudd government's "failed policies to keep whales where they belong, in the sea."
"Peter Garrett wants whales to think that once he's saved them, they should feel free to come on up and make themselves at home. Well, sorry, but that's not an Australia I want to live in. Enough is enough, we need to turn those whales back."
Controversial Liberal backbencher Wilson Tuckey revealed a surprising knowledge of the breeding habits of marine life when he railed against Peter Garrett during a Canberra doorstop :
"It's time to turn back all Cetaceans who try to enter this country illegally. They're queue jumpers. It's bad enough so many water mammals want to flop up our beaches, but after them comes all the egg layers. Have you seen how many eggs those big turtles can lay? They'd fill a town in a few months!"
Nationals Senator Barnaby Joyce said it boiled down to one question,, that most of the "politically correct media" are too afraid to ask :
"Do you want to live next door to a family of whales? All that whistling and chirping all night long? They've got songs that take 20 to 30 minutes to sing. Do you want to want to live next door to that?"
@RacistWallaby certainly doesn't :
"Why is it that every convenience store is run by a family of sperm whales?"
If Garrett gets nothing else out of this term of federal Labor, he clearly intends to be remembered for at least saving some whales from Japanese harpoons.

He must be relieved the incredibly sick jokes about his insulation program and him being responsible for houses catching fire have gone quiet at last. Jokes spread by so many politicians and journalists who know that Peter Garrett's mother died in a house fire, when he was in his early 20s, and that he burned himself trying to save her.

If I had to put up with that kind of demented shit from people passing themselves off as adults, I'd want to be be out watching the fucking whales, too.