By Darryl Mason
Moralising Hypocritical Pagan Watermelon Lefty Al Gore :
But wait! That wasn't Al Gore. It was that other famous global warmist hysterican Osama Bin Laden.
"This is a message to the whole world about those responsible for climate change and its repercussions - whether intentionally or unintentionally - and about the action we must take.
"Speaking about climate change is not a matter of intellectual luxury - the phenomenon is an actual fact."
"All the industrial states (are to blame for global warming), yet the majority of those states have signed the Kyoto Protocol and agreed to curb the emission of harmful gases."
"George Bush junior, preceded by [the US] congress, dismissed the agreement to placate giant corporations. And they are themselves standing behind speculation, monopoly and soaring living costs.
"They are also behind 'globalisation and its tragic implications'. And whenever the perpetrators are found guilty, the heads of state rush to rescue them using public money."
Wha-wha-wha-what?! I hear you say.
You heard me. Osama Bin Laden, or whoever makes those tapes, is reinventing himself as an anti-capitalist, anti-global warming green jihadist.
A Greenhadist, if you will.
Bin Laden hasn't finished with his greenhadist speeches. Oh, you know that's the truth. That was just an intro. This is going to be his Big New Thing.
I'd imagine we will soon hear 'him' delivering forth on how Islam demands respect for nature, and conservation of resources, and, presumably, he will deal away from demanding his followers strike civilian targets in the West and turn their attention instead to corporations. Corporations that cause climate change.
And, presumably, this will also mean that a lot of corporations that have been winding back their anti-terror security in the past year or two, because nobody much believes anymore Al Qaeda are going to charge in their lunch room, will now have to ramp it back up again, to deal with the heavily and seriously promoted new Greenhadist threat.
Laws to deal with eco-terrorism are already in place across most western nation, have been for years, so they'll be easily adapted to round up potential Greenhadists, with plenty of new prosecutions to pursue, and fresh hysteria for the old media and conservative blogs to whip up and froth over.
Put it this way, if you're a young Muslim male with a Naomi Klein-like anti-corporation bent, regularly attends a mosque, donates to Greenpeace, and owns copies of David Attenburrough, Bin Laden and Al Gore videos, you may soon be in a world of shit. Greenhadist!
Oh well, that should make things moderately more interesting for a short while.
Well, maybe. But it will play out like a written script, because some old media, and bloggers, and talback radio, and tabloidia, will not be able to resist, and anyway, they need the content.
The mind spins and surges with the myriad of ways Greenhadism will be devoured and promoted as the Great New Threat by the media, particularly those who adopt faux-conservative outrage because the base material to work from is so much more entertaining, plentiful. And no doubt Bin Laden will supply a steady 'Greenhadist Threat' stream of fresh content.
So, to save local fauxcons valuable brain time, here's some projected headlines and blog post themes for them to get started on. As if they could resist :
One Killer Faith Adopted By Another Even More DeadlyThe War On Whatever rolls on.
Islamic Greenism : Why Greenhadists Want To Destroy Your Coal Plants
Al Gore No Longer World's Biggest Green Terrorist
Islamic Extremists And Green Extremists Find More Common Ground
George Monbiot Doesn't Know Whether To Kick Bin Laden Or Kiss Him
Kevin Rudd And Bin Laden Agree : Green Terror Faith Must Destroy Our Industries And Your Jobs