As Australian As Ostrahyun


Photo By Darryl Mason

Some of these 'You Know You're An Australian When....' lines from this Reddit thread are as old as faxed office joke sheets, some are more current, but many seem echoes of an Australian era already fading in our cultural rear view mirror :

• You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

• You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

• You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.

• You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bn'.

• You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.

• You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'

• You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

• You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.

• You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

• You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

• Hamburger with Beetroot? Of course!

• You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of The Angels song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'.

• You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

• You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

• You believe that the more you shorten someones name the more you like them.

• You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.

• You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.

• Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

• You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

• You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in O: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc.

• You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

• You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

• You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.

• You 'rock up' for meetings.

• You know what the word "girt" means.
  
  
• Where you live is technically still in a drought but your house is underwater from a flood.
  

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When Saints Can Restore Limbs To Amputees, All Will Believe



Regardless of personal faith-based beliefs, it's always good to see a generous, compassionate, anti-authoritarian honoured. Even if it is a century after their death.

According to this story, something like 6 out of 10 Australians will need little convincing that even in post-life, Mary MacKillop could have been responsible for the minimum two miracles required for sainthood.

David Marr :

Polling over the past decade suggests faith in miracles is intensifying. This may be the work of the late Pope John Paul II, who created armies of fresh saints credited with medical miracles.

Australia's current enthusiasm stands in contrast to the ISSP finding in the late 1990s: that only 36 per cent of Australians and 59 per cent of Americans believed in miracles. Both figures have shot through the roof.

Mary MacKillop undertaking healings from beyond the grave isn't even that hard a sell with those Australians who deny or disbelieve the existence of God. Twenty five percent of atheists and agnostics believe in miracles.

Unfortunately, the poll didn't reveal how many of those 5.6 million or so Australians only believe in miracles when it comes to their favourite cricket and/or rugby league teams.

Back in July, prime minister Kevin Rudd met with Pope Benedict in Vatican City, and pushed the case for MacKillop sainthood. Rudd also found time to hear Pope Benedict's pitch for some ethical backboning of the apparently now gestating 'world government' :

At a meeting in the pontiff's private library, the two men discussed the Pope's recently released encyclical which calls for a new world structure based on equity and fairness, rather than self-interest and greed.

Greed. It's so 20th century.