Correction : We Are Not Under Siege From Monster Spiders

The Brisbane Times has moved fast to reassure Australians that British tabloid media reports are wrong - a Queensland town is not currently being invaded and overrun by giant, "barking" spiders :

The story was picked up by several other UK news outlets, including The Telegraph and the Irish Independent, with Sky News running it under the headline: 'Super-sized tarantulas are spinning a web of terror in a town in Australia.'

But Mr Geiszler laughed off the coverage this morning, telling brisbanetimes.com.au it had been "blown out of all proportion and massively sensationalised."

"There have been no more than 10 sightings of these spiders here," Mr Geiszler said.

"There is definitely not an invasion or a plague or anything like that."

The Brisbane Times didn't notice that it was in fact the Townsville Bulletin that began this story with a sensational report of "five "monster spiders" spotted in Bowen.

Okay, Time To Send In The Monster Spiders

Australians have grown bored by the repeativity of cyclone attacks, shark attacks, crocodile attacks, leg-gnawing possum attacks, kangaroo attacks, camels trashing our towns and turning on our taps, possums invading our Leagues clubs, and aggro-wallabies invading our nursing homes.

We like variety in how Nature tries to wipe us out. We appreciate the unusual.

Good news, then, from the Townsville Bulletin. Nature's War On Humans ramps up a notch with this dramatic new front line opening up in Queensland :

SPIDER INVASION IN BOWEN

IN a scene that could almost be out of a B-grade monster movie, giant spiders have invaded Bowen.

For about six weeks, residents have reported seeing huge bird-eating spiders crawling around their backyards and gardens.

That's not too over the top an intro for a story detailing how a few big, occasionally bird-eating spiders have shown up in a few Bowen backyards, is it?

While at this stage there had only been about five sightings of the giant spiders, Mr Geiszler said it was unusual to see that many in such a short period.

"They are very shy. They normally never venture out too far but obviously these ones have been flushed out for some reason.

"It's more than enough to scare a few people. It's not plague proportions or anything.

Or invasion proportions.

Freaky fact.

The spiders whistle or make a hissing sound when aggravated, which can be heard about 2m away.

So if you're in or around Bowen in the next few weeks, poking around in a garden and you hear a bizarre hissing sound, run, run and flail your arms around your head and back to make sure one of these "monsters" isn't hitching a ride. There probably won't be a "monster" spider trying to eat your ear lobes, but you will look fantastically funny to anyone who sees you running down the street.

"The spiders have been getting fed and now they're out walking about looking for females to mate with."

The monster spiders have had a good feed and now out cruising for chicks.

The bite from a bird-eating spider is not known to be fatal to humans, however it can cause up to six hours of vomiting.

Yeah, like a spider bite's the only thing that can happen to you in Townsville that could lead to six hours of vomiting.

Great Story

Then again, you don't want of these fuckers crawling over your face when you're passed out in the backyard :

Righteous Spider Photo by Greg Brylund