The Chaser Vs The Royals : We Are Definitely Not Amused



The office of Prince Charles and Prince William forced the ABC to pull a planned live commentary TV broadcast of the 2011 Royal Wedding last night

This is one of the clips that saw an unprecedented act of censorship by representatives of the future king of Australia. Note, all Prince Phillip quotes used are based on things he has actually said :



From the Sydney Morning Herald :

Clarence House, the almost 200-year-old London royal residence which doubles as an office for the Prince of Wales and his son, Prince William, demanded the ABC cancel plans to use the controversial comedy group, the Chaser, as royal wedding commentators.

They then contacted broadcast suppliers, including the host BBC, Associated Press Television News (APTN), Sky and ITN, to ensure the ABC would have no access to footage if it ignored the request.

Faced with the prospect of airing static for almost four hours tomorrow night, the ABC had no choice but to capitulate.

This is a letter The Chaser sent to The Queen :

Dear Australian Head of State,

We would like to place ourselves at your mercy and request a stay of execution for our television program, The Chaser's Royal Wedding Commentary.

We, like Kate, are commoners, and were looking forward to celebrating her wedding to your exalted grandson with a few affectionate observations.

To ensure that our coverage was respectful, we were only planning to use jokes that Prince Phillip has previously made in public, or at least the ones that don't violate racial vilification laws. We've also filmed a joke about hunting grouse which we think you might enjoy.

We Australians are a simple people who don't often get to watch that kind of pomp. The last big wedding we had here was Scott and Charlene on Neighbours. We've asked around, and there are at least six people in this outpost of your empire who would quite like to watch our commentary.

Please consider our plea.

We have the honour to be, Madam, Your Majesty's humble and obedient servants,

Cheers,

The Chaser

PS: How serious are you about treason laws?

Yes, The Royal Family wields absolutely no power at all over what happens in Australia.

Well, except for using blackmail to censor live TV mockery.

A few more pre-filmed clips from the canceled royal wedding special The Chaser are now only allowed to air on YouTube :






More Banned By Royal Decree Chaser Clips Here


Darryl Mason is the author of the free, online novel ED Day : Dead Sydney. You can read it here

Peanut Butter Stings Less Than Vegemite


Helen Coonan : "I have two beautiful Golden Retrievers...."

UPDATE : Video is at the bottom of this post.

Definitely one of the most downright bizarre, and hilarious, panel debates ever seen on Australian TV. The subject? Consensual Sex With Your Pets.

From Monday night's Q &A on your ABC (transcript slightly edited, corrected) :

HOST TONY JONES : We have a web question from Deirdre Baker in NSW. QUOTES: "Peter Singer, in your 2001 article 'Heavy Petting' you state that mutually satisfying sexual activity between humans and animals can develop. Please explain."

PROFESSOR PETER SINGER: It is a fact that there is sexual contact between some humans and animals. I was raising the question why we have such a taboo on this. Sometimes it involves cruelty and the infliction of power and dominance on an animal, and clearly I oppose that. There can be occasions, I don't know how much vivid description you want.

TONY JONES: Go ahead.

PROFESSOR PETER SINGER: I'm clearly not on American television tonight, because no American host would have said that. An example is a woman has oral sex performed by her dog.

PROFESSOR JAYATHRI KULKARNI: Brings new meaning to doggy style!

PROFESSOR PETER SINGER: Women have said this is something that pleases them, the dog is free to do it or walk away, there's no dominance over the dog, that seems harmless.

SENATOR HELEN COONAN: This is a trained dog, obviously?

PROFESSOR PETER SINGER: It's her dog who enjoys doing it and the dog gives pleasure to the companion. I don't see why we have a taboo.

PROFESSOR JAYATHRI KULKARNI: Sorry, Peter, this is just weird. It's just weird!

PROFESSOR PETER SINGER: It's not common, but is it wrong, is the question?

JOURNALIST DAVID MARR: Jay, this is your territory.

(LAUGHTER)

TONY JONES: Let's get a psychiatrist's perspective on this?

PROFESSOR JAYATHRI KULKARNI: I'm thinking, Freud did say that human beings are polymorphously perverse, which is another way of saying that there are lots of different views. Sometimes you have to draw the line and go, "That's weird."

PROFESSOR PETER SINGER: Since I wrote this piece, I've had people, sex therapists come to me, and say they have had patients who were tortured with guilt because they got some sexual satisfaction from contact with their animals, and their lives were miserable. And they gave them the article because it helped them to see other people were doing the same thing, and here was somebody who was saying, "This is not a sign of terrible moral evil."

TONY JONES: Helen Coonan, parliamentary sitting week up coming up, would you like to get on the record on this?

SENATOR HELEN COONAN: Thankfully, I don't answer questions, I ask them. I won't be asking this one, Tony. I agree, that's seriously off. I can't imagine... I have two beautiful golden retrievers, and... (LAUGHTER)

PROFESSOR PETER SINGER : I thought your party stood for individual freedom.

SENATOR HELEN COONAN: I think it's off the wall. Put it this way, I'll continue to find the nice patch under my doggy's ear that he likes, that's all I'll do.

TONY JONES: I'm sorry to say, we have run out of time.

DAVID MARR: I'm not sorry.

The video is here. It's definitely worth whipping through to about the 50 minute mark. Helen Coonan's line about her Golden Retrievers sent the audience, and host Tony Jones, into hysterical laughter, with a fair scattering in the crowd of absolutely shocked, disgusted and "oh, I'm about to wet my pants!' expressions.

I bet they won't be using any of that discussion in the promos for next week's show.

UPDATE : Okay, we have the video here now :




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The Australian newspaper has an anti-ABC agenda? You must be some kind of crazed, paranoid Leftist. Obviously, this is the most important lead national news of the day :

"We Asked Ourselves For A Comment But We Refused"

From Twitter :



The ABC contacted the ABC for a comment, but the ABC refused to play ball! True story.

ABC News decided not to reveal the Triple J Hottest 100 Winner (a dance remix of the 7.30 Report theme song) in this story, and links to Crikey instead to reveal all.




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Cue Murdoch Media Outrage

Oracle Tim Blair on ABC director Mark Scott's plans for a 24 hour TV news channel :

Won’t happen.

ABC News launches 24 hour TV news channel :

“No media organisation in the country is better equipped to deliver this channel than the national broadcaster,” said ABC Managing Director Mark Scott.

“We can draw on the investment already made in the ABC, through its major newsrooms in every state and territory, 12 international bureaux and 60 regional newsrooms, to deliver to Australians a top-quality 24-hour news service that is comprehensive, independent and up to the minute.”

New programs are also being developed specifically for the channel, focusing on world news, national politics and business. Many of the ABC’s existing television news and current affairs programs will also be featured.

The Australian ran this up the flagpole to see who would salute it, on January 16 :

THE ABC's plan to launch in the next few months a 24-hour national television news service amounts to a taxpayer-funded declaration of war on commercial media outlets in Australia.

Apparently there's something inherently bad in having a news channel that is not packed with intrusive advertising.

This will not be the ABC's first foray into 24 hour news programming :

The gag at 3.30 is the news reality that all 24 hour news channels have to deal with, as will the ABC.

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The Australian confirms John Howard tried and succeeded in crushing dissent at the ABC :

When the Australian Broadcasting Corporation launched its political analysis program Insiders in 2001 the public broadcaster's own staff were forbidden from being panelists.

John Howard's coalition government was closely monitoring the ABC, which it viewed as enemy territory, and network programmers mindful of not agitating outspoken communications minister Richard Alston approved the show on condition only external commentators representing a spectrum of different views were used.

And yet, despite very strong opinions and criticisms from ABC journalists and commentators against prime minister Kevin Rudd all over ABC radio, TV and online, not one journalist has so far revealed any pressure coming from the PM's office to tone it down or shut up.

ABC Gets More Complaints About The Chaser Than Its Alleged Bias

The Chaser's @chaslicc (Chas Licciardello) notes that The Chaser's final series of The War On Everything garnered the most complaints from viewers of any show aired on the ABC in 2009, so far.

As a testament to the extraordinary power of The Chaser to generate MoralOutrage! controversy, according to the below story from The Age, the show also pulled the most complaints in 2008, even though The War On Everything was taking a year off.



Ari Sharp, The Age :

The guerilla comedy program attracted a total of 4995 complaints....4286 of which were in relation to the Make a Realistic Wish Foundation sketch that featured children with terminal illnesses.

That featured actors portraying children with terminal illnesses.

ABC copped 32.130 complaints in the year, but only around 10 per cent of those complaints were for "bias." There are no breakdowns to reveal how many of those "bias" complaints came from Gerard Henderson, or readers of Andrew "World Government!" Bolt. You'd assume many.

And Ari Sharp reminds readers of a crucial fact to keep in mind the next time you hear endless bitching about "that's my bloody 10 cents a day they're spending so John Safran can snog a hot Swede!"

Newspoll found that 89 per cent of people value the broadcaster and its services to the community, up 1 percentage point, while those who believe quality programming offered by ABC television was steady at 82 per cent...

Remind commenters at certain other blogs of those stats the next time you see them whining about how the ABC "doesn't give Australians what they want!" or some other fringe minority grievance.


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It's Not Comedy If Nobody's Offended

On Twitter, ABC boss Mark Scott points out this piece published at the National Times on how TV comedy is being killed by committees and the easily offended. Excerpts :

....the BBC has decreed that its comedies are not to be ''unduly intimidatory, humiliating, intrusive, aggressive or derogatory''. John Howard Davies, who used to run BBC comedy, pointed out that this is the sort of absurdity that happens when a committee decides guidelines. An individual exercising editorial judgment is far preferable, especially if that individual has been chosen because of his or her connection with the real world, and what makes people laugh in it.

I have occasionally thought that I used to find programs put out by the BBC funny because I was so much younger when I saw them. However, watching re-runs of old comedy programs, I realise I was wrong: they were, plainly and simply, very funny. The famous Fawlty Towers episode in which Basil insults the Germans fails every one of the new guidelines. It is racist, intimidating, humiliating, mocks Spaniards, Germans, and the mentally ill, and commits other offences too numerous to mention. It is also dementedly funny, even after repeated viewings over 30 years.

After 70 or so years of influencing and shaping the definition of the national sense of humour, the BBC now seems to have forfeited its ability to do that.

I don't know what, indeed, there will be left for us to chortle at.

It makes me realise that my wife is right when she says that once you get past the age of 40, there isn't really anything on the BBC for you. Except Gardeners' World, of course: and we should make the most of that until someone realises how much it discriminates against those who don't have gardens, and who might feel humiliated by the lack of one.

The push for more censorship of Australian comedy and satire does not appear to be coming from the public, but from groups concerned with garnering publicity and profile and tabloid media looking for easy, cheap content to fulfill it's weekly clickbait 'Moral Panic! quota.

Why ABC Boss Mark Scott Should Tell The Daily Telegraph To Get Fucked

Akerman's Big Fat Libelous Mouth Nearly Sucked ABC Into Expensive Lawsuit

Not happy with costing his boss, Rupert Murdoch, more than $1 million in defamation payouts over the years, Daily Telegraph columnist Piers Akerman tried to get the ABC sued on Sunday morning's Insiders by naming federal Labor minister Anthony Albanese as being possibly somehow connected to a murder still being investigated by police :

Appearing as a panellist on ABC-TV's Insiders program, News Limited's rotund reactionary began putting the case for a federal inquiry into the bribery allegations emanating from the murder of property developer Michael McGurk. When Insiders host Barry Cassidy questioned Akerman's logic, given the allegations were about ministers in the NSW Government, Akerman began spreading the web of suspicion, in the process mentioning a certain cabinet minister in the Rudd Government. The program was forced to scramble to delete any record of the comments from its website to avoid the possibility of a rather messy lawsuit.

If anyone knows, from repeated lawsuits, what they can and can't say on TV or in a newspaper, it's Piers Akerman.

Akerman was ignored by the clearly furious host, Brian Cassidy, for most of the rest of the show. At its close, Akerman trundled through a trifecta of lies and distortions :

Three broken promises reminded this week. Not one house built for Aborigines. Not not one boat turned back, and of course workers to lose out under the industrial award modernisation.

Akerman's blog post the next morning was called :

Who Will Pay For The Tragedy Of Dementia?

Akerman's had a great run sucking up ABC appearance fees and expenses as the most absurdly biased pro-Liberal hack in Australia. We know from recent studies that the Lefty Green Nazi Socialist Pagan Bias at the ABC is a myth, just another Conservative Blubbering Point, something for mostly Murdoch opinionists to stuff column space with. There's no need anymore to stack ABC shows like Insiders with 66% Murdoch media hacks. There are plenty of other journalists, bloggers and commentators with just as much so-called 'insider' information on Canberra and the workings of Australian politics as Akerman is supposed to possess but rarely reveals.


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That's Good. Can I Borrow Your Pen?

The brilliant Hollowmen wins a due award for Most Outstanding Comedy at the Logies.

Apparently Kevin Rudd is confused about the category in which the Hollowmen won. Rudd thought Hollowmen was a tense, riveting drama series, filled with real-world office life challenges and triumphs.

The ABC News website takes the opportunity to laddle upon itself some hearty praise, via the speeches of two Logie winners.

From the Hollowmen acceptance speech :

"[The producers would like to] thank the ABC for their undying support of comedy, and also in particular a few people - one Mark Scott, Courtney Gibson and there would be Kim Dalton..." Watts said.

ABC reporter Stephen McDonell who won for Most Oustanding News Coverage (the Sichuan earthquake aftermath) :

"Thank you very much for this. What do I say? Sometimes you're in the right place, and the right but good thing I suppose with the ABC - unlike I suppose anyone else - is that we've got correspondents all over the world and it's what you get from local knowledg..."

"So if you want to see the world through Australian eyes, I suppose the ABC's still the place to do it."

'See The World Through Australian Eyes'....The Hollowmen would be all over that phrase. It'd be trialed as a campaign slogan, or station ID.

Big Ted Is Still Big Ted, Isn't He?

The best thing that happened to Australian politics last year was The HollowMen.

In a new clip, The HollowMen deal with the always contentious issue of just how much funding the ABC should get, and what they should be expected to deliver :



Working Dog, the team of actors, writers and producers behind The HollowMen, equally skewered Australian tabloid current affairs TV back in the 1990s with Frontline. The strange thing is, producers of Australian tabloid current affairs TV appear to have spent much time watching host Mike Moore working his tragedy-magic on Frontline, and took lots of notes. Today Tonight and A Current Affair are as reminiscent today of their own parody Frontline, as Status Quo are of Spinal Tap.

From Frontline, episode 11 :

BRIAN: Our audience simply doesn’t have the concentration span.
MIKE MOORE: (playing with a bit of stationary) …
BRIAN: Mike?
MIKE MOORE (looks up) Sorry.
BRIAN: We’ve got three minutes to do a story. Five if it involves nudity.

Did Frontline actually become a training video for Australian current affairs presenters and producers?



It only just occurred to me how much the office scenes from Frontline remind me of Ricky Gervais' The Office. There's obviously big differences, but the cast of characters is vaguely similar, it's mostly set in office of course, it's shot like a documentary, and Mike Moore is just as ignorant and self-obsessed as David Brent.

There's plenty more Frontline here if you need further convincing that Ricky Gervais saw the show in England (Frontline was screening on cable when I was there in 1997 and 1998) and thought 'Brilliant! I can do that!'

Get Pope To Exorcise ABC Of Evil Pagan Lefties

Everyone knows the ABC is anti-religion, particularly when that religion is Catholicism. So during the Pope's visit to Sydney, don't expect those Evil Pagan Lefties at 'Your' ABC to devote more than the absolutely minimal compulsory coverage they can get away with.

Evil Pagan ABC Lefties will do everything they can to sabotage their own coverage of World Youth Day Week. They have to do it. They won't be able to help themselves.

Now, if it was World Muslim Youth Day starring Osama & Obama, touring with the sacred corpse of Saddam Hussein, well, they would make it the all dominating story across all ABC media for an entire week.

EP ABC Ls will only show the Pope if he comes out in support of their Global Warmania Hoax. That won't happen, because the Pope knows God's will acts upon all the tragedies and triumphs of the planet and for the Catholic Church to admit that Man is or can be responsible for more powerful hurricanes, droughts and rising sea levels, killing millions, would mean Man's will has substituted God's. So that's not going to happen, so the lentil fanciers at the ABC won't be interested in what the Pope has to say.

And as sure as Kevin Rudd is only ear-wax polishing the big chair for Julia Gillard (or he will stay put and lose the next election), the solar panel worshippers at 'Your' ABC will not be devoting the first three to eight minutes of the 7pm evening news to speeches by the Pope, interviews with visiting priests or 30 second long grabs of American Catholics singing Jesus love songs on acoustic guitar in Hyde Park for four or five nights in a row.

And they won't dare use endless footage of screaming, near hysterical Catholic youth running wild in our streets, waving the flags of the world, in every TV news break for three days running. They hate seeing young Catholics having the times of their lives, so they won't show them celebrating their love for Jesus. If it was their Green Jesus being celebrated, then of course they'd show it.

Those Evil Pagan Lefties are so anti-religion they won't devote more total TV and radio air time to World Youth Day Week than any other single tourist-based event since the Sydney Olympics.

I know this because I read the comments of conservative Australian blogs, and they're rarely if ever wrong on those Evil Pagan Lefties at 'Your' ABC.