Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Bloody Camels Will Be Asking For A Glass And Ice Cubes Next

We've had plenty of shark attacks, and crocodile attacks, and we've even had wallaby and kangaroo attacks, but now the camels are invading our towns. They're coming for the water and they know how to get it :

Camels are coming into communities in central Australia and turning on the taps, the Macdonnell Shire Council says.

The shire has applied to the Federal Government for a $4.5 million slice of infrastructure funding to build camel-proof boundaries around 14 communities.

Wayne Wright from the shire says thirsty camels are causing significant damage.

"In a number of our communities it's quite common for camels to enter the community and if there are any taps adjacent to houses they're quite capable of either turning the taps on or knocking the taps off so they get water."

The intention is to put cattle grids at the entrances to the communities and place fencing around them.

Weird. The camels can work out how to turn on, or at the very least break open, taps to get water, but they still can't master the art of negotiating a cattle grid?

Sydney Harbour, March 28










Photos by Darryl Mason

Go Eat A Big Bowl Of Fuck, You War Mongers

By Darryl Mason

The staff cutbacks at The Australian are starting to bite. The lead editorial yesterday in the once psychopathically pro-Iraq War minded newspaper :



The editor of The Australian is clearly working under tight budgetary limitations. What other reason can there be for such blatant recycling of old arguments against the Iraq War voiced by hundreds of thousands of Australians, and hundreds of millions of people around the world?

While there is no doubting the moral and strategic sense of the war to liberate Iraq from the despicable despotism of Saddam Hussein, the campaign there took resources and attention away the first front in the war on terror.

With money and good management, Afghanistan may yet be the front where terrorism is decisively defeated.

We went to War On Iraq to find and dismantle WMDs? Hell, no. We did it out of a sense of morality!

The kind of morality that results in unimaginable chaos, the finishing off of already debilitated infrastructure, the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of people, entire families full of children, thousands of doctors, civil servants, teachers, university professors, nurses and the creation of more than 3 million refugees.

The Australian newspaper, you may remember, joined the rest of the Murdoch national and worldwide media empire's downright nasty and sick assault on those who said Afghanistan was where Al Qaeda came from and so that was where the war should be fought, and that winding back in Afghanistan, after so much progress, to attack and invade and occupy Iraq was downright fucking insane.

The people who, back in late 2002 and early 2003, made all those kinds of arguments against the War On Iraq - including millions of World War I & II and Korea and Vietnam veterans in Australia, the US and the UK - were unanimously portrayed by Murdoch's newspaper and television empire as being pro-terrorist and supporters of Saddam Hussein.

And now, six years later, The Australian newspaper tries to justify its backing of the 2002 turning away from Afghanistan to ramp up the War On Iraq for "moral" reasons? Strategic reasons? So Iran can become the dominant nation in the region, and the United States can pay out hundreds of millions of dollars to brutal Sunni fighters to stop them killing American soldiers?

Is the editor of The Australian typing over a bucket of ether?

The editor of The Australian and Rupert Murdoch can go and fuck themselves.

They lied to Australians, day after day, weeks into months, about a threat that didn't exist, cramming headlines with absolute bullshit pro-war propaganda, while ignoring the obvious truth that hundreds of thousands of other Australians seemed to have no problem locating online for themselves.

The Australian newspaper's complicity in helping to manufacture the reality for a senseless war that killed hundreds of thousands of people will never be forgotten.

Monday, March 30, 2009

I Didn't Kill Anyone, But I Like That Movie Where I Did

By Darryl Mason

Unconvicted murder suspect Roger Rogerson was heard on 2MMMFM this morning promoting the DVD of the brilliant corrupt NSW cops TV movie, Blue Murder.

Roger Rogerson was never convicted for murder, and yet Blue Murder clearly shows him wasting scumbags. Why would he want people to think this is true?

It's Australian surreality.

Australians can't get enough true crime. Movies, half a day a week of it on TV in prime time, shelves full of best-selling books about those who simply did not give a fuck.

They try and convince us that cricket and football players and prime ministers are our real Australian Heroes, but since our convict ancestors stepped ashore on this land, we've always, usually quietly, admired the outlaws the most. From bushrangers to bank robbers, from gangsters to bikers, from drug dealers to drug dealer killers. Most Australians stop short of openly admiring our serial killers, but true crime books about such murders, and the true crime TV doco-reanactments, are immensely, suspiciously, popular.

We must be only a matter of months away from a journalist embedding a camera in his eye and joining a Lebanese biker gang to soak up the predicted carnage to come.

(thanks to Kerry for the tip)



Photos taken during a recent visit to the Justice & Police Museum in Sydney :








Saturday, March 28, 2009

I Am Not A SockPuppet, And Neither Is My Cat

By Vex Voyager

UPDATE : Even though I didn't mention the name of Daily Telegraph journalist Tim Blair in the story below, Blair's lawyers seem to think this story is about him, and have sent threatening letters demanding a compensation payment for the "immeasurable hurt" I've supposedly caused by publishing it on this blog.

Much of this "immeasurable hurt" appears to have been inflicted by my merely linking to the posts on the Pure Poison blog that first broke the story that either Tim Blair, or someone in Tim Blair's household, using the alias 'WB', was filling comments at his own blog and other blogs defending him, or trying to steer conversations about Blair away onto other subjects.

At Tim Blair's Daily Telegraph blog, 'WB' posted some 70 comments in just a couple of months.

According to blogger Jeremy Sear, who claimed he spoke to him on the phone, Tim Blair acknowledged that while 'WB' was posting comments at his blog, and other blogs, all through his home internet account, he didn't know anything about it. Or that he did know, but wasn't prepared to disclose who 'WB' was, if someone else at all.

The letter from Tim Blair's lawyers I received after first posting the below story, also demanded I stop posting other "defamatory" stories about the Daily Telegraph's associate editor on this blog, though they didn't point out any other stories that are allegedly defamatory.

Letters from Tim Blair's lawyers threatening legal action have also been sent to at least three other bloggers who either wrote about what 'someone' in Tim's house was getting up to online, or linked to the same Pure Poison stories that I linked to below (which are now deleted).

Even though the links in the below story now lead to a blank page at Pure Poison, I've been told by Blair's lawyers these links to nowhere should disappear from this blog.

Not so long ago, Blair would have taken on his critics and his mockers at his blog, and would have made a fair to decent attempt at slaying them mightily. It probably would have been funny, too.

Not now.

The game has changed. This is serious.

You occasionally hear about people taking legal action against Murdoch newspapers or columnists or journalists for something they've written or claims they've made online or on air.

But this is the first time I've heard of any Murdoch journalist trying to sue bloggers for merely linking to a story about them, and demanding other stories and comments discussing the linked story be deleted from a blog, and forever disappeared from the Google cache.

Obviously I won't be taking down the below story. Such an action could be perceived as an admission of guilt. Or cowardice.

Anyway, if I disappear the below story Vex Voyager will be pissed. It's the only thing he's done that I've allowed him to post on this bog. I have no intention of causing him "immeasurable hurt."

And as far as "defamatory" comments on a blog go, here's one that's been up for a couple of years at Tim Blair's old blog, where one of his regular commenters made up the following psychotic slander and posted it under my name :

Killing Howard is laudable. Killing his cabinet got to be OK too. Killing members of the Liberal party - that has to be a plus, surely. And what about the Nationals? We’ll kill them too. They helped keep Howard in power. And Family First, slit their throats. And what about other Christians, they are conservative and probably voted Liberal. Best kill all them along with small businessmen. There is a real hotbed of Liberal sentiment among these fascist businessmen. Don’t forget the Jews, the money grubbing bastards. They have to be next. Then there are those class traitors, the workers who voted Liberal. Kill them all. Purge the public service of suspected Liberal sympathisers too. That teacher over there. He’s wearing a tie so he must be a conservative. String him up. Hey, that guy’s got an American accent. Slaughter him and his baby too. It’s in their genes, you know. It’s a lot of people to be massacred but it will reduce greehouse gases in the long run.
Darryl Mason
Blair knows I didn't write that. But he has no problem with it remaining on his website under my name. He refuses to delete it, or apologise for its publication.

Fortunately, I don't suffer so easily from the "immeasurable hurt" bloggers and commenters and links apparently inflict on Tim Blair, even though the above grim tirade posted under my name has led to some interesting, if very short, job interviewers when some Googling is done.



PREVIOUSLY.....

There's been a bunch of accusations floating around the Australian blogstream in recent weeks, in which it is claimed that a 'journalist' with a major daily Sydney newspaper has been commenting away like a maniac on his own and other blogs under an assumed identity, or assumed identities, or someone very close to him is doing all this, from his home.

The journalist's excuse when he was busted doing it by the rowdy lads at Pure Poison, basically ran something like this (not direct quotes) :
Yes, someone in my household has been commenting on my blog, and other blogs, trying to shield me from criticism, but it's not me. I either don't know who is doing it, from my home, maybe even from my own laptop, or I'm not prepared to say who it is. And by the way, my lawyers have a letter for you. So here's a big bowl of shut the fuck up.
The 'journalist' now accused of what most bloggers call 'sock puppetry', and who has had great fun in the past accusing other bloggers of doing what he now stands accused of, and who has often railed about Evil Pagan Lefties threatening defamation to try and shut up up bloggers like him, has swallowed down a whole bucket of "I'm A Fucking Hypocrite" and has now set his lawyers loose on bloggers who won't shut up about this story.

The Orstrahyun has asked the 'journalist' three times to answer three simple questions about who, if not himself, is writing all those nice things about him online, from his home. Three simple questions. But he refused to answer any of them, instead warning The Orstrahyun to leave the story alone, and go away.

As if that's going to happen.

So, instead, I made up a false identity, Vex Voyager (edit...No you didn't, I'm real - Vex Voyager), to ask myself some hard questions about The Evils Of Sock Puppetry.

VV : You've been accused of sock puppetry, that is writing comments online about your own work under an assumed name, haven't you?

DM : Yes, I have. But I deny everything. It could have been anyone in my house doing it, when I'm away or asleep. You can't prove anything.

VV : Who else in your household could have done it?


DM : Anyone. It could have been the maid, the butler....the sushi chef, he spends a lot of time online, playing games I think, but you never know....

VV : So someone else in your house is going online and writing nice things about you, and going after your critics, when you're asleep or at work, and you don't know who that person might be?


DM : LIke I said, it could be anyone. But It's Not Me. I know that....I'm pretty sure of that. Yep, damn sure. I think.

VV : Hmmm...

DM : Maybe it was the cat....

VV : The cat?


DM : Yeah. He's pretty smart. He can knit blankets out of his molting fur to keep himself warm. How environmentally friendly is that? He should get a whole lot of carbon credits for cutting down on...

VV : You must think I'm the Mayor Of Stupidtwon to believe something like that.

DM : I'm not telling you what to believe. Make up your mind. But my cat is whip-crack smart. That I do know.

VV : Can your cat work a keyboard?


DM : He can hit the keys, but the music is mostly shit.

VV : ....no...I meant, does your cat know how to type?

DM : I've seen it sitting there, licking the mouse pad. I don't think if it smells of mouse, but...

VV : But you were saying before that someone else in your house must have been leaving those comments saying nice things about you online, under fake names....

DM : What's a fake name anyway? I mean, what sort of fucking name is Vex Voyager? I met a guy once called Tooty Von HammerFix, and...

VV : That never happened. Now, you claim as your defence against accusation of sockpuppetry that someone else is writing comments on your own blog, from your home, from the same internet IP address, but you don't know who it is. Is that correct?

DM : Maybe someone comes in at night, when I'm asleep and pushes the cat aside and...It could happen.

VV : Someone breaks into your home and steals nothing but while they're there they get on a computer and leave nice comments about you at various blogs, talking up your work? And they do this over and over again? Night after night? And you don't know who it is?

DM : Hey, like I said, before....how do I know it wasn't the cat? I'm sure the cat understands that if, say, I was working at a major Australian daily newspaper, and I was doing a blog that maybe earned money for me based on how many people were recorded visiting and commenting on my site, if that was the situation, well, the more I earn, the better the cat eats, right? I mean, if I earn more because more people are supposedly visiting my site and leaving comments and I could make retarded claims that my blog is The Blog An Entire City Is Talking About, then I could afford those treaty cat biscuits with the soft, creamy fishy centres. Cats love them. They're like fucking crack for cats.

VV : And you also think your cat might be waiting until you go to sleep, then jumping online and reading through blogs looking for valid and often viciously accurate criticisms of you and then your cat is typing responses either defending you or steering the comments off onto another subject so other commenters stop hammering you...

DM : Yes, this could be so.

VV : And your cat is doing all this, while you're asleep...

DM : Or at work.

VV : Or at work....your cat might be doing all this, falsely inflating your blog's comment counts because it knows if you earn more money it will get a better kind of cat food? Do I have that right? Is that the full story?

DM : I didn't say that is what happened, I'm just saying, maybe it could happen that way. Who knows? I don't know. But someone in my house is doing it, and it's not me.

VV : So it could be the maid, the butler or the sushi chef, correct?

DM : Or the cat. I'm not saying it is, but....

VV : You don't have a sushi chef, do you?

DM : No.

VV : And there's no butler. No maid.

DM : ............correct.

VV : Do you think there's a need to exaggerate about such things?

DM : What do you care? You don't even exist.

VV : Yeah, that's right....

Friday, March 27, 2009

Inhale The New Reality

Just about every point that Mark Morford makes here here for how cannabis can revitalise the Californian economy also applies in Australia. Something like 300,000 Australians allegedly consume cannabis on a daily basis, while another million or two will light a joint or three this weekend, or the next. All are committing a crime, and all those many millions of dollars they pay out to break the law to feel a little better will go to suspected criminals. If California could theoritically raise $5 or $7 billion a year by legaliziing and taxing cannabis, there's probably, at least, $2 to $4 billion in extra tax revenue just waiting to be scooped up and put to good use in Australia.

....could there be a better time to decriminalize/fully legalize pot? Or, more fully, to decriminalize pot, and then spread respectable pot shops and vending machines and dispensaries far and wide, instill quality control and decent oversight and then tax the living hell out of the glorious, stress-reducing goodness, as we stop wasting billions fighting its grand ubiquity and instead sink into profitable pools of warm, hazy progress? Don't you already know the answer?

Are the discussions ongoing? Are they passing the bong of possibility around the state Senate chambers? You're damn right they are. What's holding them back? Probably the usual: the negative PR, looking "soft" on crime, encouraging permissiveness, pressure from prison lobbies, and so on. Don't worry, Sacramento. Everyone's already plenty drunk/high on prescription meds trying to alleviate fears of losing their job to care about that nonsense right now. Get to it.

Is there really anyone left who doesn't already know the "War on Drugs" is a pathetic joke, an abject failure and a taxpayer nightmare, and the only reason it survives at all is to fund the CIA and fellate the prison guard unions and support a shameful prison system, and to let politicians say they're "tough on crime" so they can to deflect all those uninformed parents who relentlessly whine about pot in public schools just before dashing off a wine-tasting party to snort a nice line of Bolivian coke?

Anyone left, furthermore, who doesn't know that pot is far safer than booze, less addictive, nonviolent, more transportable, easier to light, and generally won't interfere with your ability to crawl across the carpet and lick cookie crumbs from your lover's thighs? And sure, while heavy, daily usage can make you slow and stupid and rather useless to the world, well, so can a six-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper and six hours of TV every day.

Let's phrase this grand scenario in another way: Why the hell not try it? What have we got to lose? What, we could go more broke? We could get more desperate and anxious? Fact is, economic nightmares need not breed only miserable stories of lost homes and lost jobs and shuttered businesses. They can also spawn creative solutions, innovative thinking, widespread munchies. Now is the time.

Those clips popping up on the evening news of air police carrying great armloads of very wild looking cannabis plants out of isolated rainforests are fantastic. Is there a better distributor of cannabis seeds across a large potential growing area than helicopter blades? Probably not. But it ensures that in six months or a year they can go in again and haul out another likely wild crop as the 'War On Drugs' continues along its expensive, destructive, immature and ultimately absurd path.

Something In The Air.....

Australians are smoking less and less cigarettes as each year, since the the days when they were handed out free to non-smoking soldiers during in World War 2, passes by. And yet, lung cancer rates are still rising.

Why is this happening?

Trachea and lung cancer remains the third leading cause of death in Australia behind heart disease and strokes.

But while the top two are decreasing, there is a rising number of deaths due to lung cancer

According to new figures from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, there were more than 7,600 deaths from trachea and lung cancer in 2007, up by about 900 on the number recorded in 1998.

According to the story, 15% of all lung cancer victims have never smoked, at all. So more than 1100 Australians are dying each year from lung cancer that is not a result of smoking. That's close to the nationwide road toll.

So what is causing so much lung cancer in non-smokers?

Breathing city air?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Call It Espionage, Because That's What It Is

If you go about cutting billions from defence budgets, you're not going to be popular with those who rely on ever increasing defence budgets to maintain their international arms industry relationships, and lifestyles :

Australia's defense department has secretly investigated ties between the defense minister's family and a Chinese-Australian businesswoman as a potential security threat, a newspaper reported Thursday.

The report will likely increase the tension between the defense bureaucracy and Defense Minister Joel Fitzgibbon who recently described his department as "incompetent" in its handling of a pay dispute within the elite Special Air Service Regiment.

The Sydney Morning Herald newspaper said defense department intelligence and security officials recently examined the 16-year relationship between Fitzgibbon's family and Sydney-based Helen Liu.

Looking for something they could smear him with, via the Murdoch tabloids. They didn't find anything, and now another nefarious spying scandal has broken into the mainstream media. An immediate investigation has been launched, and of course the Defence Department will be investigating itself.

If Australia's intelligence agencies are spying on and hacking into the laptop of the fucking defence minister, imagine what they're doing to the computers, and online lives, of mere citizens of this country?

Bernard Keane at Crikey has lots more.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

It's A Human, This Meeting Is Over

Photos By Darryl Mason

Cockatoos gather, awaiting the downfall of man, or plotting how they can work together to carry away small children, at Audley in the Royal National Park








Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Play Nice, Your Comment May Be Archived For Later Use Against You

By Darryl Mason


The Daily Telegraph's Tim Blair warns his readers :

Prepare to be watched...
He should also be telling his regular commenters to prepare to have their comments, all their comments, archived and data-mined at a later date by persons unknown. And not just the comments they leave now, but all the comments they have ever left at a Tim Blair blog.

It seems he's only just discovered that government agencies, including ASIO, monitor Australian blogs, and in particular, the posted comments.

Tim Blair won't tell his readers that the widespread trials and use of such online monitoring technology, and key word recognition programs, became reality during the lead-up to the Iraq War.

The surveillance of Australian blogs is not exactly a new thing. Whatever prime minister Kevin Rudd allows such programs to become, they began in the Howard era.

Blair should tell his readers that he's known for years that all comments at his blog were being monitored, and archived, by government agencies, right through the last four years of the Howard era.

Blair also failed to inform his readers that some of their more violent, or violently insane comments, might come back to haunt them one day, might in fact be used against them, to prosecute or persecute them. That they were written under aliases may make no difference at all in a courtroom.

Rupert Murdoch has already shown that privacy is all but a fiction at MySpace, and his worldwide media empire, presumably also including Tim Blair's blog at the Daily Telegraph, have something of an open agreement with local government agencies to offer what help they legally can to track down someone who has posted threats of violence against politicians, or public figures, at any of Murdoch's online media. Those loudly wishing to kill movie stars and necklace green activists also get red-flagged. Such comments might not make it online, but they are not forgotten, nor do they disappear.

Prolific commenters at blogs, say on a story about Islamic terrorism or why "something must be done" about Rudd, are routinely monitored and followed online by any number of government intelligence agencies and private agencies. They're not just looking for "terrorists" anymore, now they're looking for "extremists".

In March, 2004, Tim Blair enthusiastically promoted ASIO's recruiting of online spies, not perhaps understanding that some of those who signed up would probably be monitoring his own site for threats of violence or "hate speech" a few years later.

The joke is that Blair ever believed such monitoring of online comments would stop at sniffing out possible Islamic terrorists, and not go after those who want Islam banned, or get publicly furious about tens of thousands of Muslims immigrating to Australia.

There's a New Terrorism, of which many millions may already be likely suspects, because the War On Terror was never meant to only stop at nabbing the suicidally jihad-crazed, it was always about introducing laws and widespread surveillance to go after "extremists" (as then President Bush began calling terrorists in 2007).

If you think the definition of "terrorist" is loose in government legislation, try to find examples of behaviour that define you as an "extremist". The word "extremist" has come into common usage by world leaders because "terrorist" was almost too specific.

Depending on where you are in the world, "Extremist"covers religion-crazed church burners and airline bombers, American libertarians and Ron Paul supporters, anti-abortion activists and animal liberationists, anarchists and anti-globalisationists, drug-dealing bikers and Afghanistan-based beheaders, anti-cannabis prohibition marchers and gun-rights patriots.

Unspecified thought crimes will get you flagged, watched and followed across the internet.

Everyone is a potential suspect when the prosecution of thought crimes becomes a policing and crime prevention reality.

As is our reality now.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Seriously, What Are They Smoking?

By Darryl Mason

Who knows, maybe soon there will be a new pharmaceutical to treat this fresh, mostly unexplained and extremely dodgy sounding "syndrome" :

There is mounting evidence to support the existence of a new syndrome afflicting heavy cannabis users, after the world's first cases were found in South Australia.
Of course.
The condition "cannabinoid hyperemesis" was first identified in a group of about 20 heavy drug users in the Adelaide hills in 2004, and a new case has emerged this time in the US.

The syndrome is characterised by nausea, stomach pain and bouts of vomiting - ill effects which, oddly, sufferers say they get some relief from by having a hot shower or bath.
"Cannabinoid hyperemesis" is a terribly shit name for anything. If they want this new "syndrome" to seize the public imagination, and make those who use cannabis for medicinal purposes shift back to pharmaceuticals from paranoid fear that the next long slow sweet numbing inhale, or next crunchy bite of a delicious cannabis-rich Anzac biscuit, might turn them into people from the hills outside Adelaide, then they've got to come up with a truly catchy name.

ShowerHolic Screaming Dope Disease (SHSDD)

Toxic Pot Shower Shock Syndrome (TPSS)

Adelaide Hills Mindfuck Freakout Disorder (AHMF)

Something like that. But better.


In the US case, the sufferer had been smoking marijuana daily and in heavy doses for six years. This eventually led to bouts of vomiting lasting two to three hours daily, and this was worse after meals.

As with South Australian cases, the young man initially turned to "compulsive hot bathing behaviour" to relieve the symptoms but he was not cured until he gave up smoking cannabis altogether.
The cure is a simple one. Stop smoking so much fucking pot if it's fucking with your head and driving you to act like an insane vomiting death-wish crazed lobster.
Adelaide-based drug expert and emergency ward doctor, Dr David Caldicott, said he had seen three cases of the illness and it was possibly also under-reported by sufferers.
Possibly under-reported? There's only four known cases of it mentioned in medical literature, after widespread cannabis usage across the Middle East, China, Mexico, North America, for thousands of years. For twice the length of Christianity, cannabis has been used, and abused, and yet nobody has ever written, or reported, the symptoms of this new "syndrome" before. Unless the consumption of bong or bucket water is involved.
"We're probably seeing the tip of the iceberg in the emergency departments, it's probably far more common but far milder (in the broader community)," he said.

Little was known about how cumulative cannabis use could lead to vomiting...
Cannabis poisoned by toxic chemicals in grow rooms pushed to maximum output? Too much tobacco in the mix? Unchanged bong water that resembles watery peat moss?

Cannabis is used by hundreds of thousands of Australians,
and hundreds of millions of people around the world. Daily. Where are the deaths? AIDS and cancer patients use cannabis to stop nausea, to fight the urge to vomit and to calm stomach complaints. These three benefits from absorbing cannabis are amongst the most frequently cited reasons why so many American medicinal cannabis users moved away from gut-burning pharmaceuticals to one of the world's most common weeds. It stops you feeling like you're going to vomit everything inside not nailed down.

That this new excitedly, hopefully, promoted cannabis-related "syndrome" is manifesting in heavy users the exact opposite of the well known, medically recognised, very real benefits of cannabis is utterly bizarre. And likely not true. At least in the 'syndrome" being linked to cannabis. Toxic doses of THC are all but impossible to ingest, short of drinking a wine barrel of hash oil without stopping for a nine cheeses pizza.

Whatever is going on, "cannabinoid hyperemesis" sounds downright nasty :
"Grown men, screaming in pain, sweating profusely, vomiting every 30 seconds and demanding to be allowed to use the shower. It's a very dramatic presentation."
Unfortunately it's not on YouTube.

The Daily Telegraph, and the evening tabloid TV shows, must be greatly anticipating an explosion in Crazy Sweating Screaming Projectile Vomiting Toxic Pot Syndrome (CSSPVTPS). None of them have been hooking hard into Australia's most popular natural, curiously illegal, drug recently, probably because so many of their reporters, writers and producers are themselves infrequent users of cannabis, and other drugs, and are secretly wanting to do positive, non-attack stories on pot smoking in nursing homes and terminal illness wards, and know the drug is the least dangerous, and least domestically destructive, of all those consumed recreationally by Australians.

Then again, perhaps this new, mega-cannabis consuming "syndrome" is real, dangerous and spreading.

If so, the cannabis consumed by those suffering twice a minute vomiting might turn out to be spiked with something toxic, and hallucinatory. Cannabis dosed with enough DMT would make anybody (particularly someone who didn't know they were about to get higher than God) vomit like a gushing tap, sweat profusely and demand immediate communion with healing, calming water.

If these alleged syndrome sufferers are also having mind-electrifying religious visions, then DMT spiking is likely the cause.

But still....

Smoking vast quantities of Adelaide hydro every day for endless years, probably punched from festy buckets, would turn even Tommy Chong into a gibbering freak convinced that only by immediate immersion in hot water can he stop from involuntarily puking out his lower intestine.

News.com.au : Cannabis Users 'Suffering New Syndrome'


Teenagers All Fked Up On Drugs & Booze....Well, A Few Are



AMP Building, Circular Quay, March 21



Harbour Bridge, March 21



Sydney Harbour, March 21

The Global Warming "Farce" That Helps Pays This Idiot's Bills

The Professional Idiot rails against the hypocrisy of Corporate Greenism hassling people to cut down on their carbon emissions :

Earth Hour next Saturday will see hypocrites turn off their lights for just an hour to show they care about global warming - which actually halted a decade ago, and which we can’t stop even if it really was bad.

The Sunday Age won’t admit these last two facts in its coverage....so deep in cahoots with green propagandists that it can’t admit to that hypocrisy.
The Professional Idiot rails against the Corporate Greenism Hypocrisy of the media competition, but the CGH of his own employer, News Limited? Not a word. Never a word of criticism, or even defiance, against Rupert "Climate Change Poses Clear, Catastrophic Threats" Murdoch.

And The Professional Idiot is rewarded for his loyalty, and increasingly suspicious silence on News Limited's Corporate Greenism, with this big fat banner ad across the top of his blog every time he posts another "Global Warming Doesn't Exist" story :



It's a farce for The Professional Idiot and News Limited, but it's a fucking funny one.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I'm Not Paid To Tell The Truth You Know, Just Because I Write For The Australian

Here's how The Australian newspaper proudly promotes professional propagandist Greg Sheridan :

Greg Sheridan is the most influential foreign affairs commentator in Australia. A veteran of over 30 years in the field, he has written five books and is a frequent commentator on Australian and international radio and TV.
Here's Sheridan using all that foreign affairs experience in writing about the widespread claims of Israel war crimes committed against Palestinian civilians :
I do not believe a single story of Israeli war crimes or atrocities in Gaza. There is no evidence of any such story beyond Palestinian eye-witness accounts....
There is now :
"There was a house with a family inside .... We put them in a room. Later we left the house and another platoon entered it, and a few days after that there was an order to release the family. They had set up positions upstairs. There was a sniper position on the roof," the soldier said.

"He shot them straight away....he killed them."

Another squad leader from the same brigade told of an incident where the company commander ordered that an elderly Palestinian woman be shot and killed; she was walking on a road about 100 meters from a house the company had commandeered.

The squad leader said he argued with his commander over the permissive rules of engagement that allowed the clearing out of houses by shooting without warning the residents beforehand. After the orders were changed, the squad leader's soldiers complained that "we should kill everyone there [in the center of Gaza].

"Everyone there is a terrorist."
Greg Sheridan obviously listens very closely to his boss, Rupert Murdoch, and always does what he knows he should.

Sheridan won't be fired, he'll probably just get another award.

So is Rupert Murdoch still quietly funding illegal Israeli settlements on Palestinian land, and the ethnic cleansing it involves, or was that more of a 90s thing?

When Piracy Is Perfect For Your Business

By Darryl Mason

Underbelly II becomes the first Australian TV show to get into The Pirate Bay's millions-mega-viewed Top 100 :



(click to enlarge)

The so-called 'leaking' of nine episodes (some unfinished) of the first series of Underbelly last year to The Pirate Bay introduced the show to an immediate, international audience in the millions.

In the next couple of days, the latest episode of Underbelly, via The Pirate Bay, will be downloaded, or 'pirated', tens of thousands of times, ultimately meaning millions will see the episode on their laptops or on burned DVDs from friends, before it is screened internationally.

The Top 100 at The Pirate Bay is viewed between 10 million and 20 million times every day, by alleged copyright violators in dozens of countries.

You cannot buy this kind of publicity.

If the producers of Underbelly are not already putting torrents of their show, along with unaired special features, or extended scene packs, on The Pirate Bay, they should be. This is the most inexpensive and effective way there is today to introduce an Australian TV show to an international audience. The 'piracy' of The Pirate Bay, and other torrent sites, will build the audience for Underbelly 2 across the world, as the producers of the show no doubt already know.

The first series of Underbelly was the most pirated TV show in Australian history, yet it still sold more than 100,000 box sets, in a matter of weeks after its release. If people were 'stealing' Underbelly by downloading allegedly illegal torrents, then burning them to DVD or watching it on their laptops, why would some then go and buy the DVD box set of Underbelly Series One?

The Dark Knight was the highest grossing movie of 2008, it was also the highest selling DVD, and yet it was also, easily, the most pirated movie of the year, if not of all time.

If tens of millions could and did watch The Dark Knight for free, when it was still in cinemas, why did The Dark Knight still sell so many cinema tickets and DVDs? If people are getting something for free, then why are are some of them also buying it?

Because if you give something away, something good, something entertaining, to 10 million people, you will always get more than 100,000 (maybe even a million or two) who will want to buy a proper, well=packaged copy of what they've just enjoyed so much. They want to buy it as a gift, to keep themselves for that awesome looking box DVD sets collection that fills the shelves where books might have once sat. Or maybe they buy that DVD or box set because the want the creators to be rewarded for their hard work and they just happened to have the money to buy that special DVD pack that looks so much cooler than an inferior quality home burn.

Every time someone uses The Pirate Bay to download a movie, TV show or album, for their own personal use, or to share for free with friends, this does not mean a potential lost customer. That is a music and movie industry fallacy, an outright lie, meant to trick you into thinking that piracy is costing them money they would have otherwise earned if piracy didn't exist.

A lot of Australian TV shows are now winding up on The Pirate Bay, and occasionally someone fluffs up, and posts an episode that hasn't been aired yet. Whoops. Yeah, let's all Fight Piracy.

It's pretty obvious that many of these supposedly 'stolen' TV episodes, like a lot of new albums and some movies, are being posted to The Pirate Bay because producers or distributors know that, despite their public 'anger' at piracy "destroying our industry", they know that having millions across the planet enjoying that show, album or movie, for free (no distribution costs), means that when it comes time to sell that DVD box set, or that concert ticket, the potential customer base is all that much larger.

The Pirate Bay, like Bittorent, is one of the websites that will probably be blocked for all Australian internet users (those who don't know how to get around government censorship anyway) within a matter of months.

This fundamental caving in to the established, and few, major entertainment industries will severely damage the ability of many young bands and independent moviemakers to get their creations in front of a potential worldwide audience in the millions. The greatest and most inexpensive distribution system for unsigned bands, and self-funded moviemakers, will be stripped away, because the entertainment giants don't want to lose control of what they have spent so long dominating. Distribution.

No record company or movie distributor can match The Pirate Bay for getting something entertaining, or more importantly ground-breaking, in front of such a large, potential worldwide audience.

The monopoly of giant entertainment corporations is now busted. They've lost control of distribution. Without monopoly control of distribution, the entertainment giants are without power. At least, the kind of power and control they've enjoyed, sometimes brutally, and sometimes deadly, for more than six decades.

This is why the entertainment giants don't want The Pirate Bay to exist, or for you to get access to it. They are blaming those who love music and movies and want to share what they've found and enjoyed with people who might also love it.

While some in the mega-entertainment corporations are screaming, pushing hard for The Pirate Bay to be blacklisted, there others, younger others, in those very same megas who are trying to tell their superiors that if worked right, The Pirate Bay is the greatest world audience builder in the history of entertainment.

Radiohead, Metallica, Nine Inch Nails and AC/DC all released new albums in the past two years and, sometimes unofficially, allowed mass piracy of those new albums weeks before the real thing hit record store shelves. They all sold millions, and they all have, or will, sell out entire countries' worth of gigs without spending the once-necessary millions on publicity and promotion. The publicity and promotion have been taken care of by those who got it for free, early, and shared it with their friends. And raved about it to everyone else.

You probably won't read about any or much of this in the mainstream media, but rest assured the producers of Underbelly are absolutely stoked that episodes of the new series have been 'pirated' and that one of those torrents has now cracked The Pirate Bay's Top 100.

They're happy because they know that this piracy of their show will lead to more interest and probably bigger sales to TV stations and cable channels across the world, along with another mega-selling DVD box set.

The rest of the Australian entertainment industry is slowly waking up to what The Pirate Bay can do, for free, for them.

But they'll probably only realise the truth once they've succeeded in getting the Rudd government to blacklist the site, and then it will be too late.

In many ways, the current fight against torrent piracy, and The Pirate Bay, is something very close to a Last Stand for the entertainment giants.

They can either embrace and learn to (commercially) exploit the world's greatest entertainment distribution network, or continue to watch their empires crumble, tumble and fall.

Or they could just stop charging thirty fucking dollars for a new album or a five year old movie.

The smart people of the new entertainment industries, like Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails, know that the best way to counter the dilution of earnings from piracy is to take control of it and then offer something of quality and rarity for those who are prepared to pay.

It's pretty simple stuff, once you finally realise that all the old rules have been shattered and scattered.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

"Alexander The Great? Yeah, He's Buried In.....Broome"

A great story of the bush pub tale variety, does it matter if it's not true?

"We just got onto the subject of Alexander The Great's tomb, and he said, 'They'll never ever find it, no matter where they look, because Alexander the Great is buried in Broome, in Western Australia'....

"Approximately 50 years ago, some guy went into a cave in Broome and he saw some inscriptions in there and they looked like ancient Greek.

"He reported it to the government, then the government went and saw it and they confirmed there were some inscriptions there.

"....he defined the inscriptions as saying, in ancient Greek, 'Alexander the Great'.

"The government did say to him at that time, 'You didn't see this, OK, this never happened'."

"Nobody ever, ever suspected that Alexander could have died in Broome..."

Great story.

In primary school, there was a big map of the world on the wall. While we were being taught that Europeans didn't reach Australian shores until the 16th century, at the earliest, I'd look at that map, at the way you could pretty well paddle a canoe (with land stops for food, water, rest) from the Middle East to just above Darwin, and think "Bullshit." If you could make that journey in a canoe (and some have), why couldn't mariners a thousand or two thousand years ago have made the same trip?

Many years later I met an old Aboriginal man in Katoomba who said that he been told ancient stories of visitors who worshipped the sun being shipwrecked at different times on both coasts, perhaps four thousand years ago. The visitors, supposedly from Egypt, and the local Aboriginal tribes exchanged gifts and traded rock carving and hieroglyphic making techniques. Some of the Egyptians died here, others built ships and left again. And some who left, returned.

Years later again, an Egyptologist at the British Museum listened to this tale and said while there was next to no proof that such meetings actually did happen, centuries of Egyptian history is lost to us, wiped away by revisionists, looting and decay, particularly from the centuries when sun worship was at its peak.

The fact that we cannot find proof now does not mean such encounters did not happen. If Egyptians did meet Aboriginals three thousand years ago, it also would help explain why the ancient Egyptians and some Aboriginal tribes had the same name for the sun, 'Ra', and shared some very similar funereal rights and mummification practises.

And then there's the boomerangs found in the tomb of Tutankhamun :

Censor This

I'd never even thought about visiting Australia's most popular homemade porn site, until the government decided for me that soon I shouldn't be allowed to see it :

A secret list of websites deemed illegal by the communications watchdog has been leaked to the public, and includes one of the most popular sites in the country.

The site, which news.com.au cannot name, is the 38th most popular site in Australia, according to web ranking service Alexa.

It is a popular pornography website estimated to be visited by millions of Australians.
It's called YouPorn. People vid themselves fucking and post the vid there for whoever's interested in watching them fuck. There are thousands of homemade porn vids at the site, watched by millions of Australians.

The Wikileaks webpage that broke the story of what sites and pages are actually on the internet blacklist has now been censored for most Australians :
http://wikileaks.org wiki/Australian_government_secret_ACMA_internet_censorship_blacklist,_6_Aug_2008
As has the rest of Wikileaks. All of it. Every single page. Which will make any number of the world's most powerful corporations and the governments of the United States, the UK, Israel, China and Saudi Arabia very happy indeed.

Some of the banned or blocked sites and pages on the Rudd government internet blacklist :

www.encyclopediadramatica.com

www.redtube.com

www.youporn.com

www.liveleak.com

www.aussieropeworks.com

www.4chan.org

From what I can work out, it will be (or already is) illegal for me to directly link to the above pages, but it's not illegal for me to tell you that you can cut and paste those URLs into the address window and hit return. It's not yet illegal to visit those sites, but they're believed to be on the proposed mandatory internet filtering list. So one day soon, it might be.

More on the pages the government does not, or at soon will not, allow you to see :

* A page of 'weird pictures' on Wikipedia that has collected the weirdest pictures that have appeared on other Wikipedia pages. It's mostly bondage, fetish and Karma Sutra-type sexual positions illustrations.

* Anti-abortion websites that contain images of feotuses, along with Christian websites that are linking to graphic anti-abortion websites.

* A couple of pages on Ways To Kill Yourself. Some are serious, like hanging, others are ridiculously silly, and purposely so, like trying to microwave your head.

* Pages that have been online, in various forms, since about 1988 that detail how to cause low-key chaos in your neighbourhood, how to make your own guns and how to boobytrap your home against intruders.

* Pages of graphic images of civilians killed and wounded in wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and Palestine.

* A page on how to use poisons to kill yourself. The most shocking thing on that page is just how many common pharmaceuticals can be used for suicide, and how small some of the fatal doses can actually be.

An interesting conspiracy theory on just what the Rudd government may be up to, from a Reddit commenter :
The Internet filtering plan seems to have been a ploy by the Labor government to win favour with Stephen Fielding, a socially conservative Christian Evangelical senator.

However, there is now no way he could support an Internet filter if it meant that it would block Australians from accessing an anti-abortion website. Any chance of an Internet filter in Australia is now dead in the water.

I wouldn't be surprised if the Labor government was somehow involved in this, as a quick way of killing off an unpopular policy without getting offside with Fielding.
No doubt there will be more to come on this....

UPDATE : Wikileaks is now available once more to Australians, and here's the list of blacklisted websites.

I'd seriously advise all readers of The Orstrahyun to not click any of the links on the Wikileaks 'ACMA Blacklist' page . From the URLs alone, there are clearly hundreds of truly demented and illegal sites there, the kind you never want showing up on your permanent websurfing records. Plus, it's not yet known if some site you visited yesterday or three years ago, even out of simple curiosity, could can be used to prosecute you in the future.

Frankly, seeing the URLs alone of many of the blacklist sites is enough to make anyone feel utter revulsion.

But should fetish sites be categorised, and banned, alongside child porn sites?

Will the growing blacklist eventually include sites that carry political tracts of what we now label, or will soon label, "extremists"?

Will mainstream media companies, already losing lots of business to independent bloggers and independent news sites, eventually lobby the ACMA to have some of the competition taken down?

And what is likely to become the most contentious question of all : How will anti-hate speech laws be used to censor sites that may be labeled anti-religious, or offensive to any one religion?

Broke? Nearly Homeless? Unemployed? Cheer Up, At Least You'll Have More Time To Spend With The Kids

By Darryl Mason

How intense is the rage being felt by the hundreds of thousands of Australians who devoted much of their lives to work, and commuting, for the past decade now only to find themselves no better off, and in many cases far poorer, than they were before they started living to work?

The best cure for years of intense, life-dominating, work is not a two week holiday, it's being unemployed. A good few months off always reminds you just how much more life has to offer than 60 hours a week behind a desk, or a steering wheel. Of course, the money's absolutely shit.

And far too many in Australia will learn this is all so very true as the global re-ordering of economies, wealth, trade and financial systems continues to wreak its seemingly endless destruction.

The new poverty, the first blast of long-term unemployment millions of young Australians have ever experienced, will have to be marketed to us as something positive, an overdue fresh look at the 'Work/Life Balance :

With falls in consumer demand starting to affect jobs, the customary "how's work?" is now followed by "has anyone been sacked?" and detailed analyses of how unfair/random/scary it all is. However, to avoid retrenchments many companies are implementing four-day weeks, extending leave, and cutting hours. In a country crying out for work-life balance, those experiencing such alternatives may not want a return to unsustainable patterns of paid work.

Levels of work-life stress have reached epidemic levels, with 55 per cent of employees feeling constantly rushed, and 46 per cent perceiving inflexible working times (Skinner and Pocock 2008, Work, Life and Workplace Culture). Such mismatches between actual and desired work patterns illustrate how organisational cultures are simply outmoded.

Though Australians on average work long hours, professional services firms classically illustrate how workers are reduced to timesheets. Each billable hour increases revenue, and costs firms nothing if employees are salaried. Their logic, therefore, is to equate long hours with greater production, call this "productivity".

Physical and mental health problems become increasingly widespread, carers are denied 'real jobs' because they can't put in 50-hour weeks, while working parents increasingly miss out on the lives of their children.

We could continue this trend towards one-dimensional existence, or we could take a stand.

We know that money doesn't buy happiness, and that our "standard of living" transcends mere consumption. Amongst talk of reducing monetary excess, we have a rare chance to influence that most precious of resources - time.

If we choose to, we could jump off the treadmill of consumption and work. If we choose to, we could redefine our workplaces, homes and communities. If we choose to, we could stop running, and start living.

Living non-expensive lives, that is. Which is not hard when you find yourself unemployed. The less you have, the less you spend. The choice in what is happening to Australian workers now, however, is being made by someone else. It's not quite the same as saying, "Fuck this, I've had enough, I need to get rid of all this work if I'm ever going to learn what living is all about."

Forcing people to reassess their work/life balance by taking away their jobs is more like shock therapy.

Maybe that will be the new way to tell someone they've got the flick : "We've decided you need some time to reassess your work/life balance."

Those who have to sell us the upsides of losing homes and discovering long-term unemployment, to fight the rise in suicides, depression and domestic violence, need to come up with something better, something that sounds a lot more fun than "The Frugal Years" to describe the many dozen months of The New Recession We Simply Had No Choice To Have.

They need to make unexpected poverty and unemployment sound like some kind of fun.

Perhaps that's how the Rudd government can brand market all the unemployment - "It's Not A Bad Thing, It's A Good Thing!"

They could run nightly ads reminding you just how great it is that you now have so much more time to spend with the family, or complete those long overdue home repair and renovation projects, or to reassure you that you can go to the (discounted) afternoon cinema sessions, on a weekday, without feeling guilty.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

We Will Be Monitoring You

Andrew Bolt, The Professional Idiot, suddenly realises (again) that some of his commenters might actually be fakes, posting multiple comments under multiple names. What a shock!


(click to enlarge)

Bolt's blog has been japed, sometimes mightily, by multiple identity commenters for years. He never seemed to mind so much when it was Liberal Party staffers doing most of it, mostly to create the illusion of a fiery "debate" that few real people were actually interested in having.

The question is, if Bolt discovered that some of his most prolific commenters were professional comment leavers, would he ban them, or tolerate their contributions to keep those '1 Million Hits A Month' flowing in?

Just Another Sideshow

The "I can't believe this shit!" takedown by The Daily Telegraph's Tim Blair of the new global warming hyperarama movie, The Age Of Stupid, would be far more convincing if the following "We Are Global Warming True Believers" Corporate Green banner ad from the boss didn't keep popping up all over his blog :



And if his co-editors didn't keep putting headlines like this on the The Daily Telegraph's front page :




Who is more hypocritical?

The climatologist who truly believes in the threat to humanity posed by climate change, but who also flies to conferences to convince the world that they need to stop flying so much?

Or the alleged journalist who claims global warming is "completely bogus" yet earns a living from a media company that is the world's biggest, most influential, most powerful promoter of "the clear, catastrophic threat" from climate change? A corporation that proudly admits to injecting global warming hysteria into cartoons and TV shows watched by billions.

This Age Of Stupid movie sounds like absolute junk, but when will Blair stop piddling around with the small fry in the Age Of Climate Change and go after the real main players, the ones who are convincing children that their parents are killing the planet because they want to watch the cricket or Law Or Order on a big screen TV?

He could start with his own boss, Rupert Murdoch, and the Corporate Greenism that infects News Limited for starters. That Murdoch is, ultimately, Blair's boss should have nothing to do with his exposure of the global warming hysteria and hypocrisy that helps to pay his wages.

UPDATE : The Professional Idiot, Andrew Bolt, has a flurry of blog posts challenging the consensus scientific opinion on the reality of global warming, but his own employers are counter-acting his work with the very same ads that make Blair looks ridiculous :



News Limited, as I've stated above, is the most powerful, most influential force in creating a mass mind which believes global warming is real. Both Blair and Bolt refuse to go after what any rational person can see is the Number One distributor and promoter of global warming hysteria and Corporate Greenis, simply because they are being paid not to.

Blair and Bolt are paid not to shut up about global warming, but to not criticise the massive 'Global Warming Is Reality' propaganda campaign Rupert Murdoch's worldwide media has been unrolling for at least two years.

Al Gore? Easy target.

Fat, hairy old hippies living without electricity? Easy target.

Deluded protester walking a thousand kilometres to stop global warming? Dead easy target.

Rupert Murdoch and News Limited's nefarious campaign to realitise global warming?

Utterly untouchable.

I Want To Know, But You Don't Have To Tell Me That

By Darryl Mason

There is sometimes a bit of wisdom to be found amongst the usual anti-Muslim frothing, bizarre Rudd-related conspiracy theories and Howard/Costello worship at The Professional Idiot's.

This from NC :

...the public doesn’t have a right to know and you would be surprised how many don’t want to know. The “public” has no rights over the private lives of individuals, they are just that “PRIVATE”.

The death of a person may be news, the grief of their friends and family is not. Who decided it was news worthy to shove a microphone in the face of a grieving mother and ask ‘How does it feel’, pity the response of “how do you think moron” is edited out.

For too long we in Australia have been fed a steady diet of gossip and been told it is news. The opinions of journalists are reported as news rather than opinion, worse still journalists interviewing journalists about events rather than getting the news from the source. Sloppy, lazy and trashy reporting, too many so called journalists don’t do their homework before interviews and display their ignorance the moment they open their mouths asking inane questions

I don’t care which Hollywood star is sleeping with whom, its not news, neither is asking so jetlagged starlet or sports person, “how do you like Australia” the minute they get off the plane.

It’s not news, it’s not informative - its gossip, but far too often its lead item on the TV news or on the front page.

All of this is exactly why so many Australians are turning away from the dead tree media, soaking up news instead from blogs and alternative news sites.

Rupert Murdoch's Australian media are reeling from the gratuitously tasteless fake photo scandal surrounding Pauline "That's Not My Belly Button" Hanson.

And so they should.

Many of the non-blog Murdoch news sites had to stop accepting comments because the vast majority of commenters were heavily slamming The Daily/Sunday Telegraph and Herald Sun for propagating so much creepy shit, and invading Hanson's privacy in a deeply disturbing way.

Will they learn anything from it?

Only if the damages they have to pay out cost more than the profits made from running the non-story across its front pages and all over its online 'news' sites.

You want to know why corporate tabloid media is dying? This is why. The pap and crap doesn't distract the public like it once did, this is why newspapers like The Sunday Telegraph are so desperate they will pay $15,000 to a dying man, with a very vague memory, for photos that kind of look like Pauline Hanson might have at 20, but are probably from an Eastern Europe porn/dating site.

And on old photos that some may wish have disappeared forever, here's an interesting rumour bouncing back from New York : Murdoch owns MySpace, and every drunken party photo some kid puts up there gets copied, named, tagged and filed away. Why? Just in case that partying kid becomes someone famous and decides to delete their MySpace profile and photos, the Murdoch media will always have copies of those photos that may, one day, cause much regret.

If anyone from the Murdoch media is willing to deny the above, in full, I will be more than happy to update with a correction, or clarification.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I Stand By The Lyrics That I Don't Believe In Anymore

Last weekend, Peter Garrett went some way towards repairing the damage he wrought upon die-hard Midnight Oil fans, when he entered Parliament and gave the impression that he didn't stand by the songs he'd sung and recorded with the Oils, and that he saw himself in the band as just a performer, nothing more.

During a press conference before the Sound Relief gig, the Minister for the Environment announced this disclaimer :

“I think that you can look at lyrics out of any songs and clearly, there are going to be lines there that pertain to any human situation. But the songs stand in their own right and in their own time.”

Wait a minute, he's still saying he doesn't believe in the lyrics he put his voice and his name to. Not anymore, anyway.

The Sound Relief gigs held in Sydney and Melbourne, which also saw performances by Jet, Kylie Minogue, Hoodoo Gurus, The Presets and WolfMother, amongst the dozens of acts, raised more than $5 million for the victims of the Victorian Fires.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Big Ted Is Still Big Ted, Isn't He?

The best thing that happened to Australian politics last year was The HollowMen.

In a new clip, The HollowMen deal with the always contentious issue of just how much funding the ABC should get, and what they should be expected to deliver :



Working Dog, the team of actors, writers and producers behind The HollowMen, equally skewered Australian tabloid current affairs TV back in the 1990s with Frontline. The strange thing is, producers of Australian tabloid current affairs TV appear to have spent much time watching host Mike Moore working his tragedy-magic on Frontline, and took lots of notes. Today Tonight and A Current Affair are as reminiscent today of their own parody Frontline, as Status Quo are of Spinal Tap.

From Frontline, episode 11 :

BRIAN: Our audience simply doesn’t have the concentration span.
MIKE MOORE: (playing with a bit of stationary) …
BRIAN: Mike?
MIKE MOORE (looks up) Sorry.
BRIAN: We’ve got three minutes to do a story. Five if it involves nudity.
Did Frontline actually become a training video for Australian current affairs presenters and producers?



It only just occurred to me how much the office scenes from Frontline remind me of Ricky Gervais' The Office. There's obviously big differences, but the cast of characters is vaguely similar, it's mostly set in office of course, it's shot like a documentary, and Mike Moore is just as ignorant and self-obsessed as David Brent.

There's plenty more Frontline here if you need further convincing that Ricky Gervais saw the show in England (Frontline was screening on cable when I was there in 1997 and 1998) and thought 'Brilliant! I can do that!'

We Don't Have Time To Spy On Everything

Australia's key intelligence and spying agency, ASIO, is apparently not aware that there is a fake ASIO Twitter.

That's not exactly reassuring, is it?

The Australian Security Intelligence Organisation wasn't aware of its fake account, which announces security updates warning, among other things, people not to eat things that smell bad.

"We would urge anyone interested in ASIO to go to our official website," an ASIO spokeswoman said.

Some stout advice from and pro-security news from the fake-ASIO Twitter :
We have already filed a report detailing both Peter Garrett's dance, and his mishapen head as a threat to national security.

Thanks to mindcontrol drugs/art sweeteners; half chance consumers will rise up against a corrupt Government.

(ASIO) is fighting the 'good fight'. We may be on your side, but we're still going to ensure that Freedom doesn't win.

(ASIO) owns everyone of any significance in the major media. Except for Rove. Nobody wants to own Rove.

SECURITY ALERT: Fire relief concerts appreciate relative irony of being rained out.3:53 PM Mar 14th from web

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Stand By The Lyrics That I Don't Believe In Anymore

Last weekend, Peter Garrett went some way towards repairing the damage he wrought upon die-hard Midnight Oil fans, when he entered Parliament and gave the impression that he didn't stand by the songs he'd sung and recorded with the Oils, and that he saw himself in the band as just a performer, nothing more.

During a press conference before the Sound Relief gig, the Minister for the Environment announced this disclaimer :

“I think that you can look at lyrics out of any songs and clearly, there are going to be lines there that pertain to any human situation. But the songs stand in their own right and in their own time.”

Wait a minute, he's still saying he doesn't believe in the lyrics he put his voice and his name to. Not anymore, anyway.

The Sound Relief gigs held in Sydney and Melbourne, which also saw performances by Jet, Kylie Minogue, Hoodoo Gurus, The Presets and WolfMother, amongst the dozens of acts, raised more than $5 million for the victims of the Victorian Fires.

When I Look In The Mirror, I See A Stupid Man Looking Back

If you were a blogger for a daily Murdoch newspaper, and you had recently sent lawyers after an independent news site that dared suggest you, or someone in your household, was commenting hundreds of times, under aliases, at your own blog (and warned other bloggers to stay away from the story), would you be game enough to draw attention to a blog that doesn't get many commenters at all?

This Murdoch blogger is game enough :

The words-to-comment ratio at this talky leftoid site – which reads a little like an unedited and slightly concussed Mike Carlton – is a remarkable 3,104/1.
This is the post from The Michael Duffy Files that grated that Murdoch blogger so much he had to do something really stupid (excerpts) :
What sort of fucked up fantasy life does Tim Blair live?
On his commenters :
What a sick bunch of fuckers. A bit like the kids bullied in the schoolyard fantasizing about payback and blowing the mother fucker bullies away. You know in black trench coats with pistols.

Blair's always been a smarmy, snide, evasive, furtive gadfly, relying on others to do his dirty work. Sometimes he lets down his guard with a stupid comment, and the fully horsehit, fly blown nature of his thinking creeps out into the sunshine.

He sure knows how to dog whistle to his loon mates. It's just a pity he doesn't know how to pick up the dog shit when it gets smeared all over his blog.

And by the way, steroid rage is bad for you, along with ignorance of movies. Take a valium, drop an e, and go into a dark space, to chill out, like mushrooms. Second thoughts, why not eat the mushrooms? Like Alice, you might enter a new time space continuum in your peculiar minds.
When you insult this blogger's commenters, you are not only insulting his readers, you are insulting his friends and/or housemates, and probably a typing cat as well.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Pristine Beaches Trashed By Renewable Energy Spill

By Darryl Mason

More than 10,000 solar panels and 200 wind turbines were washed off the deck of a Chinese freighter late last week, during a cyclonic storm. Now, the solar panels and turbine blades are washing ashore along more than 100 kilometres of Australia's most majestic coastline. Dozens of beaches in Queensland are now closed to the public, as hundreds of volunteers go about the barely monumental task of picking up all the solar panels, while heavy vehicles are now being brought in to remove the turbine blades.

The whole clean-up operation is not expected to cost millions of dollars will not keep some of Australia's most popular beaches closed beyond Monday. The Queensland government has declared a State Of UnEmergency.

"It's terrible, just a complete non-disaster," said Rada Bonflair, founder of the controversial pro-fossil fuels lobby group, Mother Nature Hates Renewable Energy, She Really Does.

"The solar panels are very difficult to remove from the beaches. You need at least two people to pick up each one. The wind turbines will take at least twenty minutes for each to be hoisted away. This whole clean-up could take a day and a half. If this spill was of toxic chemcials, dioxins and oil, then it would be a very different story."

A volunteer at one beach clean-up operation said his fellow volunteers were getting angrier by the hour as they continued to find no injured animals to rescue, outside of a few fish, and no nests of destroyed turtle eggs.

"If this had been 100,000 barrels of oil? Now that would have been a worthwhile disaster," the volunteer said. "We would have been cleaning dozens of pelicans and shaking our heads very angstly, and we'd be sifting sand to get out every last sticky globule. It would have taken weeks, cost hundreds of millions of dollars, and resulted in hundreds of lost jobs because our pristine beaches would now look like absolute shit on the evening news across the world."

Rada Bonflair said there was a valuable lesson to be taken from the non-destruction of Australian beaches by the renewable energies spill.

"People love to use a variety of renewable energies because it makes them feel good," she said, "and they think that their choice not to use oil or burn coal is somehow pleasing to Mother Nature. Well, it's not. She gave us oil and coal to burn, and when we stop using her free gifts, she becomes very, very angry indeed. What didn't happen to all those still beautiful and undamaged beaches from this non-disaster was no accident. Mother Nature was sending us a message. If we don't use the fossil fuels she has created for us, then she will absolutely not punish it. We don't have much time left."

Getting Nostalgic For A Post-Apocalyptic Aftermath

By Darryl Mason

I've already covered the coming Mel Gibson-free, anime, Mad Max 4 movie and videogame(s), here. As promised, I've dug out a story I was working on in late 2002, for a mag in London, about the then live-action, Mel Gibson-featuring Mad Max 4 that was gearing up to start filming in mid-2003.

I never did get to interview Mad Max creator-director George Miller, and any info about what he was planning to do was thin on the ground indeed. There wasn't really enough detail for a decent feature length story, even though the editor said I could waffle on for a few hundred words about the 'Mad Max Legacy'. And so I waffled, for a few thousand words instead.

A few observations, that seem important now, from my notebooks of 2002 that I never managed to shoehorn into the dumped story :

It is fantastically curious, on viewing the Mad Max trilogy again in total now, that despite his reputation for extreme violence, Max is only seen firing his sawn-off shotgun a total of six times in the course of the three films, and, overall, there are remarkably few scenes of explicit gore or hardcore physical abuse.

Much horrific violence is certainly implied, instead of being seen, which can sometimes be much worse.

Something else I never noticed before, Max saves himself at the beginning and the end of Mad Max II with the one simple trick that is rarely seen in American car chase movies - Max simply slams on his brakes. Brilliant!
The live action Mad Max 4 was cancelled in early 2003 when it became clear that the Iraq War was about to get underway, causing big problems for Miller's plans to shoot his new Mad Max movie in the deserts of Morocco and the United States. Miller moved onto Happy Feet instead.

There's plenty of Mad Max history and waffle to soak up below, if you're a bit mad about Max, but there's also some interesting detail about what is very likely going to be the key plot of the Mad Max 4 movie (Miller said recently the anime script would be mostly based on the 2002 screenplay, which I managed to read a summary of).

------------------------

Mad Max 4 Feature Story

Draft Two : October 29, 2002

By Darryl Mason

Almost fourteen years after he last slipped on the torn, dusty leathers of 'Mad' Max Rocketanski for Beyond Thunderdome, Mel Gibson is set to return to the role that made him an international star. But only for half-an-hour or so of screen time, and yet it will earn Gibson the biggest paypacket in cinema history.

Although Gibson was only paid $15,000 for the original Mad Max movie, way back in 1979, this time around he will score one of the largest paydays in the history of Hollywood. A reported $40 million is on offer to Gibson, who is still not happy with the script. It's also rumoured Mel's Max will only appear in the first 30 minutes of the new movie, before being killed off to make way for a new generation, much younger, Max. His son, or it should be said, his genetic offspring.

Mad Max 4 is set to begin filming in desert locales in Australia, Morocco and North America in May, 2003, under the directorship of creator George Miller.

The new film is set two centuries on from where we last left Max, wandering the wastelands at the end of third instalment, Beyond Thunderdome.

While the first two films saw women and gasoline as being the most precious resources left to be plundered by biker road armies, and water became a plot catalyst in Beyond Thunderdome, this time around the unpolluted DNA of human 'pure breeds' will be the treasure all seek to possess.

Gibson's Max is expected to show up in the new film in flashbacks, to reveal what happened to him in the last years of his life, before the new Max, a 'son' derived from his DNA, takes over the story.

The new Max's mission will be to act as a 'protector' and escort a group of non-mutants across the wastelands with their precious stock of unpolluted DNA. This pure DNA stock is desired by the mutant hordes, as it can be used to clean up their genes, and make them resistant to the radioactivity that still infects the land.

The infamous post-apocalyptic wastelands this time, however, won't just be the ochre flats of outback Australia. One major chase sequence will be set on the floor of the Grand Canyon.


The Mad Max trilogy is generally recognised as being amongst the most, if not the most, influential action-adventure film series ever made, and three of the most successful films to ever come out of Australia.

But it was the first, low-budget Mad Max that was the most successful of the three. It's profit-to-budget ratio reined long as one of the highest in motion picture history. The first Mad Max movie cost less than $600,000 and took in more than $100 million at cinemas and drive-ins across the planet. This monumental cost-obliterated-by-profit performance was only recently eclipsed by The Blair Witch Project.

It seems almost incomprehensible, today, that the original Mad Max outgrossed such super heavyweights as Kramer Vs Kramer and Apocalypse Now in its first year of release in 1979/1980. And in the US, this Hollywood-busting feat was accomplished with American accents dubbed in over all raw Australian ones.

And, unlike most of today's filmic heroes, who come supplied with a bothersome back story, personal history, we were only ever given the most fleeting glimpses of Max' personal life, outside his role of vigilante and wasteland warrior, in any of the three films.

In the first film, we knew Max was part of a renegade cop outfit, trying to reign some law and order over the biker hordes who terrified country Australian communities. We knew there had been some kind of war, of the nuclear kind, that devastated vast portions of the world (or at least Australia) and resulted in an anarchic state quickly replacing one of law and order.

We knew Max was married with a wife and child, who were then killed by the biker leader ToeCutter, himself seeking revenge for the death of his friend NiteRider, who rocket-car'd his way to oblivion during a police chase.

The murder of his loved ones sent Max on an illegal mission of revenge, and on through The Road Warrior and Beyond Thunderdome, the few, brief family and love scenes are the only glimpses we get into his personal history. We liked this. It was easier than to project ourselves onto him, to imagine it was us roaming free and dispensing the justice that crumbling civilisation was cyring out for.

At the end of Mad Max, we know almost nothing about the state of the world outside the cops-vs-bikers road war. So little in fact, that Miller had to use the first five minutes of Road Warrior, and an appropriately dodgy montage of historical stock footage, to bring us up to speed and explain the backstory of the first film so we might better understand the second.

Most fans of the Mad Max trilogy would agree, however, that the films were richer and far more involving because we didn't hear Max recounting his personal life for anybody who was interested in hearing it. Of course, Max barely speaks at all across the three movies. Gibson was given less than fifteen minutes of on-screen dialogue in the first film, only fourteen lines in total for the second, and barely triple that in the third.

It was always Miller's intention that everyone else did all the talking while Max bided his time, and then took care of the necessary business at hand.

With Max you didn't want to know what he'd done, or what had happened to him, or even what he was thinking, you only wanted to see what he was going to do next.



As is industry-standard for such a phenomenal success story, the Mad Max trilogy had the most painful of births. Miller was repeatedly laughed at by executives within the Australian film industry when he tried to shop around his Mad Max script, hoping to raise something close to a budget so he could begin shooting.

Like those who said no to Star Wars, there are people still working in the Australian film industry who had the chance but chose to say no to one of the most profitable films in all cinema history. The half-million dollar budget was eventually raised by Miller and producer Byron Kennedy through investment schemes, film funding bodies and personally guaranteed loans from friends and family.

Miller and Kennedy pieced together Mad Max over the course of six months; shooting chunks on weekends and three day bursts when cast and crew could be drawn, and coerced, away from their more secure, better-paying day jobs.

There was no budget, nor time, for any rehearsals, and stunt co-ordinator Grant Page had to make do with a stunt crew that comprised of, for the most part, himself and a few offsiders. Page turned up for the first day of shooting with his leg in plaster, and there was a long list of broken bones, fractured ribs and dislocated shoulder blades before the arduous shooting was finally finished. The chaos and tension of the movie shoot became the chaos and tension of the movie itself.

When Miller took a good long look at all the footage he had, and compared it to his mind-movie that he had set out to make, he thought, for many weeks, that the film would unsalvageable, that nothing would save it. It was a total bust. But something did save Mad Max. The same thing that saved Jaws. Brilliant editing.

There was no money for reshooting scenes, and some of the more impactful stunts and chase scenes were shot in only one take, with next to no other shots to cut to. When stunts went wrong, or did not go as planned, the changes were incorporated into the final storyline. So Goose breaks his leg, because his stuntman had a broken leg.

And although it appears that dozens of cars were crashed and trashed, and long, superfast, highly dangerous road chases were staged, most of the true action was pieced together in the editing suites. The car carnage poetry of Mad Max is more illusion than minutely staged, massive scale, crash and smash scenes.

After almost two decades of international silence, shattered only by the curious success of the fair-dinkum fare of The Adventures Of Barry Mackenzie in 1973, most in the Australian film industry in the late 1970s expected it would be the refined, deeply artistic works of directors Fred Schepisi and Peter Weir that would crash US and European screens, not some, ahem, car chase movie.

Few involved even considered, during its shooting and lengthy editing stages, that Mad Max would even make it into Australian cinemas, let alone find international release.

How very, very wrong they were.

Hobbled by the indignity of being entirely redubbed by anonymous American actors, Mad Max crept out across only a handful of screens in the US, UK, Europe and Japan. Few critics (even in Australia) bothered reviewing the film, and those that did were mostly, absolutely, scathing.

But the word-of-mouth on this unknown Australian action spectacle was red hot. Mad Max stayed in cinemas long after Academy Award winning vehicles like Kramer Vs Kramer ran their course. In some US cinemas, Mad Max was still showing in mostly packed midnight sessions two years later when the sequel The Road Warrior blasted onto screens.

By the time it was done, Mad Max had clocked up more than $100 million at the international box-office, dropping jaws throughout the Australian and US film industries. For a time, in 1979, Mad Max was turning a higher profit as an Australian export than the wool and coal industries, combined.

It was only while living in California, in 1980, writing the screenplay for The Road Warrior with Terry Hayes, that Miller stumbled upon one of the key secrets why his low-budget, revenge flick had performed so well.

The less venomous reviews from countries like Japan, Norway, Scandinavia would repeatedly cite how much the Mad Max character reminded them of their own historical, legendary warriors, be they Vikings or Samurai.

Miller's original intention was that Mad Max would leave audiences "exhausted, like they'd been on a really great roller-coaster", but he wound up unconsciously transposing into Max the tale of the Hero's Journey that appears to run like a seam through the cultural myths of every indigenous race on the planet, from North American Indians to Australian Aborigines.

As Miller and Hayes drafted the screenplay of The Road Warrior, they read up on the myth-deconstructing works of Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell, confirming what they had learned from the international reviews of the first film, : Mad Max, his character's story arc, was the absolute epitomy of the classical, and worldwide familiar, Hero's Journey.

Max was an everyman Hero, equal parts lone-gunman, shaman and mythical saviour, and Miller and Hayes quickly decided they had no intention of messing with the formula as they set about scripting the sequel.

The plotline of Mad Max 2 (The Road Warrior) was even more simple than the original. Max roams the wastelands, looking for fuel, and meets up with an assortment of outcast characters, for adventures and brief friendship, before having his loner status tested one final time. He ultimately, willingly, sacrifices himself for the survival of the next generation, and is left alone, once more in the wastelands, his honour restored, ready for another adventure.

Beyond Thunderdome (Mad Max III), despite its larger budget and the addition of an international star to the cast, Tina Turner, did less box office business than either Mad Max or The Road Warrior, and it barely rates a mention now when passionate film-geek discussions turn to Mad Max.

Beyond Thunderdome was filled to the absolute brim with sub-plots, fights, chases, a chorus line of new characters and even more frenetic action scenes. But Max purists say it failed because it broke the golden rule. It took Max out of the wastelands, his home, and brought him into the societal madness of Bartertown. You don't take Rocky and send him to Japan to teach kids how to box.

There was that, and then there was the whole Peter Pan thing with the feral kids. Max is not a townie, and he's not a childcare worker. He's supposed to be out there, on the crumbling highways and dusty tracks, running down the bad guys.

Miller is not expected to make that same mistake in Mad Max 4.


As the Mad Max 4 crew readies the production to begin shooting, George Miller won't spill too many details to the media what he intends to do with the fourth instalment, only ready to reveal "it's going to take Max in a new direction".

Miller admitted last year, to the New York Times, that he found it remarkable, although equally amusing, that after all these years, there is still such a huge audience waiting for Max' return.

"People get nostalgic about the strangest things..." said Miller. "But who'd have ever thought the apocalypse, and its aftermath, would be one of them?"

END


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Friday, March 13, 2009

Newspaper No Longer Most Trusted Source Of News For Australians

90% of Journalism Students Do Not Read Newspapers


By Darryl Mason

Australians have lost their trust in newspapers. Where once we had seven or eight major dailies in our larger cities, we now have one or two, at most, with at least one barely managing to hang on as a newspaper. But people are not just forsaking the daily newspaper ritual because the medium is well overdue for a complete reinvention, we ditched newspapers because we no longer trusted them to tell us the truth.

Newspapers are dying because they broke the essential pact of trust that existed for a century between newspaper and dedicated daily reader : you print the news that you have made sure is true to the best of your abilities, and we will trust you on most of it.

In the rush to war, all the city dailies, and The Australian of course, printed pages filled with lies and distortions and myth for months on end. We knew it was bullshit, how did they not know? And so millions of Australian minds wondered : 'Well, if they can so casually lie to us about a fucking war, what else are they lying to us about, on a daily basis?'

Story One :

The journalists of the future are rapidly moving away from traditional news services, saying they are impractical compared to new media.

A survey of Australian journalism students found 90 per cent of students do not like reading the newspaper, preferring to source news from commercial television or online media.

Professor in Journalism and Media Studies at the Queensland University of Technology, Alan Knight, conducted the survey and says despite an aversion to newspapers, 95 per cent of students are very interested in following the news.

He says the move away from newspapers is of great concern because they are still the major source of serious news in Australia.

Professor Knight says the survey results indicated most journalism students strongly believe newspapers will eventually die out but it may take some time.

"The future of printed newspapers is looking grim as there is an evident shift towards digital journalism."

Story Two :
A study by the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA) has found that the Internet is the most trusted media outlet in Australia.

The study found that 25% of the population list the Internet as their must trusted source of information, followed by newspapers at 20%, TV at approx 17%, and radio at approx 13%.

I certainly don't think newspapers are about to die out. There will be even more of them in the future, but they will be more like magazines, and the news will be more local, focused on the events and happenings of a few suburbs, instead of entire states or countries. There's more to say on that, but my last coffee buzz has worn off and it's too late now for a refresher.

Perhaps the major newspapers can make up on the weekend what they lose during the week from melting sales. The weekend paper is heading towards $5, so just make it $5 now, but make it worth $10. That means real discount coupons for supermarkets and petrol stations. Get rid of the awful, inky newsprint, make it more like a larger magazine, with a weekly free movie on DVD (or a memory stick), and perhaps also the week's worth of video stories produced for the websites that most of us never get around to viewing during the workday. Why not a standard CD every week, a compilation of songs from the albums reviewed inside? Why not a thin paperback as well?

Instead of the Saturday morning ritual being "get milk, get bread, oh yeah, get the papers", it should be, "If I don't get the paper today, my weekend will be ruined."

I'm sure all the major newspaper owners are preparing for what comes next, when the newspapers we have come to know and love, and now disrespect and distrust, no longer pay their way. But you sure don't hear them talking much about exciting, innovative ideas to refresh and re-invent their printed media, and save their own arses.

Try Not To Weep : Australia's Mega-Billionaires Now Only Multi-Billionaires

How much of the many billions lost by Australia's richest businessmen was actual, quantifiable wealth anyway? Most of it was imaginary, speculation, fake. It never existed, so if it's gone, does it really matter at all? Not so much when you've still got a billion or two left. For now.

From The Australian :

Just 10 Australian citizens made the Forbes rich list of US-dollar billionaires this year, down from 14 in 2007, with their total fortunes slashed by more than half.

The biggest loser has been iron ore miner Mr Forrest, who has seen the value of his stake in Fortescue Metals Group slump from $US6.5billion to $US1.9billion, causing him to slip from 145th on the list to 376th.

Westfield Group founder Frank Lowy also took a king hit, with his fortune plummeting from $US6.4billion to $US2.7billion.

He is followed by casino owner James Packer, worth $US2.5billion and iron ore heiress Gina Rinehart with $US1.9billion.

Damned Kids

By Darryl Mason

Tony "What? No Com Car?" Abbott takes time out from his busy schedule of political irrelevancy, charity work and visiting sick friends to complain about the youth of today.

It reads very much like the kind of "Another Complaining Old Geezer" letter to the editor I used to toss aside, daily, when I worked at a suburban newspaper. Tony Abbott, however, gets his Cranky Old Bugger ramblings published as 'opinion' in the Daily Telegraph :

There was a constant flow of boys and girls up and down the train, most smoking, some drinking, and nearly all using language that would make a brickie blush.

Tony doesn't get out much, these days.

It is, of course, illegal to smoke or to drink alcohol on a train.

One young man even attempted to urinate in the carriage.

Drinking, smoking, swearing and attempted urination.....Tony Abbott doesn't spend much time at night on public transport, does he? Has he never been on a late night train and heard someone down the other end of the carriage shout, "Bloody Hell! Throw me some newspaper down here, can you mate?"

If the transport police had put the first person who lit a cigarette or who swigged from a bottle off the train, there would not have been a problem. The police, though, were all on the platforms where there was no trouble, not on the train where the behavior approximated to a very rough pub at closing time.

The outnumbered police were showing how smart they are, or perhaps they saw the wide-eyed Tony Abbott trembling in that train carriage and thought, 'You know what? Let's stay here, this could be interesting....'

"If there’d been a police squad on the train and arrests had been made, people would have been let off with a caution at most.

I wonder if any of the drunk kids shouted at the former health minister, "Fuck You, Grandpa!"

Alcohol-related violence in Melbourne right now is terrible, it's almost back to 1950s' levels. But Tony Abbott sounds terrifically like a right sour old git. It's his best work yet.

And Abbott's hilarious ruminations on how kids today are ruining society also show why politicians don't like to spend too much time on public transport. They come across the Real People and it freaks them out.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Being Poor And Jobless Doesn't Suck Enough? Welcome To The Genetic Underclass

By Darryl Mason

It seems like only yesterday we were being told, "Don't be stupid, insurance companies will never get access to your DNA, and even if they did, they would never examine it before they decided if they'll cover you. That will never happen, it's science fiction stuff, you're just being paranoid..." and so forth.



It's going to be weird enough when our DNA becomes our identity, a string of numbers, without even getting into just how many government and private agencies will get access to your DNA because you will have no choice but to make your DNA available for scrutiny simply to exist in society.

If an insurance company can demand to examine your DNA before they'll do business with you, why not then anybody else who is taking a punt, in some way, on your continuing good health?

The boss of your new job will need to access your personal genetic database to determine if you are likely to keel over in his building from an age-triggered condition that has taken nine males from your family over four generations.

The Department of Aerial Transport will need to know if you're fast approaching an age where your uncorrected DNA may time-trigger in you sudden, unexpected attacks of vertigo before they issue with a liscence to fly that new convertible SkySoarer XV Flubble, unsupervised.

Offering up instant access to all the secrets and predictions of your DNA will become as everyday as how we now show photo ID cards to see a fucking rock band, the kind of ID that so many of us never believed we would be forced to carry. In a not so distant reality, you won't be able to get any ID cards, or credit cards, without revealing your DNA. Because your DNA will be right there, on that card, so whoever needs to know who you are can also find out if they are running a risk of having you die in their nightclub, or restaurant. Or hospital.

But getting rejected from a restaurant because you're there for the Butter Fried Platter and your DNA ratings warn that, at best, you should be served nothing heavier than a salad and a loud argument follows, won't be the worst of it.

Being identified by your DNA, and everything it reveals about you, will infuriate mostly for all the little ways it will intrude on your life, and change your plans :

Liquor Store, 7pm

"Sir, there's a problem here, on your card...."

"Oh, what the fuck is that thing telling you guys now?"

"Your card says that you have a propensity towards alcoholism rating of 5.7. That means instead of selling you two bottles of Wild Turkey, I am legally bound to recommend you try a half bottle of white wine, or perhaps some lovely fruit juice instead."

"Forget it." - exits muttering...

I Looked Up God On The Internet, And It Said He's Dead

By Darryl Mason

Opinonist Miranda Devine is worried
about becoming as intellectually irrelevant in her children's lives as she is in the lives of her fading Sydney Morning Herald readers :

...my generation will be the last to remember life without a search engine to instantly satiate curiosity, we are the only ones left to contemplate a downside.

My sons' generation have never known a world without Google. If they have a question, whether about the Super Bowl or Frost/Nixon or penguins, they search for the answer online instantly. Why bother to explore the imperfect memory banks of parents and teachers when Wikipedia and imdb.com are at their fingertips.

Well yeah, why indeed? Why should kids waste their time asking their parents for information that is faster, more thorough, and more easily accessible online?
If they are betting each other about something, they immediately resolve the question online, leaving little room to develop the bush lawyer skills of browbeating an opponent and prosecuting your case....
Google is apparently stopping kids from learning how to "browbeat" others into accepting a false truth. It stops children from learning to stubbornly argue their own beliefs like highly opionated ignorants, locked into a belief system that locks in place an acceptable reality.
Google may be the cranial equivalent of those motorised scooters ridden by obese Americans at Disneyland. Initially a prop for a lazy brain, it soon becomes essential.
What apparently concerns Miranda Devine most is that the very act of going to Google, instead of just asking mum or seeking out answers through non-internet means, is actually transforming the presumably God-delivered architecture of our brains, and consciousness :

The way we use our brain actually changes its physical structure over time. It is a "lifetime work in progress" that retains plasticity - the capacity for change - as long as we live.

"Our brain's organisation will undergo greater changes during the next few decades than at any time in our history … This technologically-driven change in the brain is the biggest modification in the last 200,000 years …"

....if we always are to sate our curiosity with an answer provided by someone else, where is the room for original thought? Rather than taxing our brain, we only plunder the store of what the world already knows.

Google, like other search engines, gives easy access to the greatest collection of human history, opinion, events, art, design, obscure details and general information our species has ever collected, sorted, compiled. And it's nearly all free to read, to soak up, to wonder over, to then argue and debate. And correct, if necessary.

There were a few people in the mid-1800s who, while not knowing what bacteria was, realised that surgeons washing their hands before and after operations dramatically cut down on the spread of deadly infections in their patients. This essential truth was subject to much heated and career-destroying debate, for decades, and plenty of angry exchanges with those who refused to believe the truth. Surgeons continued to operate without washing their hands first well in the early 1900s. Hundreds of thousands of people died unecessarily because this essential truth was denied to the masses, was halted from becoming an essential common Truth.

A revolutionary, world-changing, life-saving discovery, such as the above, would now be dispersed across the wired world within minutes, and it would be all but impossible to ignore such a truth because everyone around you, from the receptionist to your patients, would be telling you you're an idiot because you still refuse to believe it.

I can't see how Google is essentially any different from the arrival of encyclopedia in homes more than a century ago, or the establishment of libraries in schools.

Wasn't having a Big Book Of Facts, a copy of the Guiness Book Of World Records and a couple of world history books kicking around somewhere in the house pretty much the same thing as basic Googling? Regardless of the technology involved?

Maybe the real pain is having your children listen to you explain how something works, or how an historic event unfolded, and then a few minutes and a few Google key word searches later hearing your offspring declare, "You're so wrong on that, you weren't even close."

An ABC News reader submitted the following image of a tornado in South Australia :



The tornado swept across farmlands on the Eyre Peninsula yesterday.

Matt Collopy from the Bureau of Meteorology said it was an unusual weather event for South Australia.

"To actually get a report of a tornado itself is very rare," he said.

There's a spectacular video of the same storm here.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Kangaroo Home Invasion

By Darryl Mason

Kangaroo attacks happen all the time in Australia. But we don't like to talk about them. Sure, you'll hear a lot about shark attacks, even shark sightings, "down under" at "Australia's Most Famous Beach" on BBC World News and CNN, but that's only because reporters will take any opportunity they can get to do a live cross from a sandy coastline location.

Occasionally, some brave American journalist will bust the news blackout and let the world know what is going, all but unreported, in Australia :



Eeee, any stitches to the groin are bad news for a bloke, but thirty?

And no, I don't think the tension-laden music and dramatic voiceover were over the top in the slightest.

The truth is, the human population of Australia has been under attack by kangaroos, and occasionally koalas, for decades. An entire generation of Australians were lulled into a false sense of security about kangaroos and wallabies by Skippy : The Bush Kangaroo. The show taught us that some kangaroos could learn to type, use a compass and dial rotary phones, but it never warned us of the true threat kangaroos pose to our way of life, and even the way we sleep.

Once, kangaroos would only kick ten kinds of crap out of you if you happened to wander into Kangaroo Country. But now, they are coming after us. Do they somehow know they are going to become a very popular red meat alternative in cow-reduced future?

They are hopping into our suburbs, they are invading our luxuriantly-lawned nursing homes, they are leaping straight into our homes :

A Canberra man was forced to wrestle a kangaroo out his house after it jumped through a window and landed on his bed in the middle of the night.
Nature's War On Humans continues....

They're Not Just Cute, Friendly Wallabies Anymore - They're Killers!"

Fossil Record Confirms Word & Art Aboriginal Legend Of Ancient Dog-Like Kangaroo



.

So That's Where That Thing About Hot Alien Chicks Came From....



Phoenix Five is all but forgotten relic of Australian science-fiction themed television from the end of the 1960s. All but forgotten, but why?

Because it was low budget, science fiction TV, with Australian accents, with massive robots, with a plethary of control panel tech-babble? Maybe. But the costumes were pretty cool. And it had one of the most downright funky theme tunes in all Australian television history.







Twenty-six episodes of Pheonix Five were produced in 1969, on a miniscule budget, and aired on Sunday afternoons on the ABC through 1970. I'm sure it was shown again in the mid-1970s, because I remember seeing it as a kid. It seemed almost science fiction in itself to watch a space-based TV show full of Australian accents and locations (vaguely disguised as alien planets).

Here's Michael Pinto, of Fanboy :

“The year: 2500 AD. The ‘Phoenix Five’. The crew: Captain Roke, Ensign Adam Hargreaves, Cadet Tina Kulbrick, and their computeroid Karl. Their mission: to patrol the outer galaxies for Earth Space Control, to maintain peace, and to capture Zodian the humanoid, who with the aid of his computers Alpha and Zeta endeavours to become dictator of outer space.”

The first thing that hits your eye is that the visual style of the show is kit bashed from everything you can think of: The costumes have a Star Trek quality to them, the robot looks borrowed from Dr. Who and the industrial design of the spaceship is a throwback to either Buck Rogers or Flash Gordon film serials.

A brief, but interesting, Phoenix Five episode guide is here. Summaries from the guide of the more interesting sounding episodes :

Human Relics - Episode 03

Aboard the Phoenix Five, the crew receives a strange signal from the asteroid Arcticus. Responding, they find a 20th-century space capsule and an astronaut in a coma.

Two Into One Won't Go - Episode 08

Zodian devises a new plan to destroy Earth Control and rule the Federated Galaxies of Space. He bribes the pompous governor of planetoid 93 into injecting a micro transistor into Captain Roke's bloodstream.

Hmmm, maybe Episode 09, 'Back To Childhoods', explains why some of actresses on the show later complained production was unfocused, haphazard and that "nobody seemed to know what they were doing." :

Cadet Tina Culbrick finds a rare Cannibalis plant that Captain Roke decides to take back to Earth Control for examination.

A few more :

A Gesture From Kronos - Episode 11

Captain Roke is "reversed" when he falls victim to a Zodian time warp. He talks backward, his uniform colours are reversed. His reaction powers are severely tested as he flies the Astro-Scout Ship to the one person who can help him — Kronos, the guardian of time in space.

Space Quake - Episode 16

A doctor an a dying planet injects Adam with an aging serum but will only supply the antidote in return for safe passage to another planet.

The Planet of Fear - Episode 17

Exploring a strange planet, Roke and Adam meet an astronaut who was lost ten years earlier, and has acquired mysterious powers from the evil Platonus, turning him into a human booby trap.

And here's most of the full episode Pirate Queen :

Part One :




Part Two :



Part Three :



So why hasn't this yet come to DVD? Or even scored a long overdue repeat series on ABC (late at night, obviously)? There's probably a very good geek doco waiting to be made on the history and making of the show.

If the Americans can pull seven television series and 11 movies from the original and very patchy Star Trek, we can get, at least, an interesting doco from this, occasionally fascinating, relic of our box-staring history.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Stripped, Bare-Breasted Young Robots Don't Yet Know The Shame Of Being Naked, But They Will

It's bad enough that they're probably going to jump over the whole affordable perfect cook servant-butler period we've been dreaming about for decades and move straight onto local government, but I say if robots are smart enough to weld cars together, perform complex medical operations, play jazz music better than we can and parade through our streets and shopping malls, then they should put on some damn clothes.

Do you really want a naked robot looking after your Boomer parents in their dimly lit, lo-carbon nursing homes? Do you want a nude robot feeding mum and dad their dinner? No. Neither do I.

Before we know it, robots will carrying our groceries to our cars and selling us flowers on the street and tractor-treading their way up the stairs of state and federal government. They will also be managing restaurants, running our police force and looking after our children in automated child care centres.

Are we, civilised members of civilised society going to stand by and allow robots to do all these things for us while they're not wearing pants?

Stop Robot Nudity Now!






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Shitstorm Causes Storm Of Shit

By Darryl Mason

Imagine how loud the crowd in the below video would have applauded if PM Rudd had said : "Fuck those bankers. They fucked everyone. Some did it on purpose, some did it because they were stupid dumb fucks. But fuck them all anyway."



Did he fake it? To take the heat off himself? To make himself look like just another causal swearing Aussie like the rest of us fucks and pricks?

They also probably believe that three steel skyscrapers can collapse from the effects of fire alone, on the same day, but it's a conspiracy shitstorm over at News.com.au, where someone swearing on TV is always big news :

Just trying to be one of the working families hey Kev, but most of us saw through it, you and the Duck really are quite shallow.
Posted by: Ray of Tathra

He's just trying to appear to be "one of the boys" to win you over!
Posted by: Mick of Qld

Rudd is one of the biggest fakes I've seen in political office; and that's really saying something. Of course he meant to say it deliberately to appeal to "working families". Embarassingly, it shows how dumbed down "working families" are when they eat it up and think he's being real.
Posted by: Rob of Sydney

...he wasnt emotional at all he had a big goofy smile on his face when he said it this was no slip he was trying to sound like a bloke to bad krudd your still the kinda guy that would get wedgies at school.... i find it so funny how he claims understand the aussie battler yet he is completely loaded he wont feel the financial crisis personally he may lose a holiday home or two.... ahaha..... make no mistake this was completely fake
Posted by: Ej of Gold Coast

It worked, it was scripted and now everyone is talking about that 10 seconds of the address and not the other more important parts. He is the best spin doctor, curve ball throwing politician we have ever had.
Posted by: David of Syd

fter a week of being called "toxic bore", robotic and a host of other things that distance himself as a master of spin and bureaucratic methods, he lets slip a swear word that isn't even beeped out on a pre-recorded show? Script, script, script. PhD of Spinology at work once again.
Posted by: Seanous of the NT

If this was a genuine slip of the tongue wouldn't it have best to carry on as if nothing happend, but no, he bought attention to it by stopping correcting himself and appologising. If a good singer makes a mistake durring a song they carry on as if it didn't happen.
Posted by: suspicious of Melbourne
I'm convinced. How do we even know that was the real Kevin Rudd? Maybe he has a swear-crazy body double...the one who got hammered with the strippers in New York.

It's going to happen eventually, so why not be the first politician to come out on TV and speak like so many of them actually do when the cameras are not around?
"Can I just say of my opponent in this epic battle, you are a squirrely little fuckbag. You fucking shit me. You shit everyone. You're a goddamned fucking liar. And everyone fucking knows it, mate. You are so full of shit you could install a shit mining rig on the top of your head and everyday there would be another gusher. Fuckstick."
Yeah, well, they never will get that honest in Parliament, though it would certainly help to fill up the public galleries.

Later on : maybe I was wrong to be so sarcastic. With The Australian, Sky News, The Herald Sun, ABC Online and the Canberra Times waying in, clearly the prime minister saying "Shitstorm" is big news.

Somehow.





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Sunday, March 08, 2009

Mad Max IV Is Coming Soon, Animated And Mel Gibson-Free



There will also be a video game to go with the new, animated, 3D Mad Max movie....or does the movie go with the game? Director George Miller told a vid game website two years ago he was deep into building a Mad Max gaming world, or series of video games. So now add in an anime movie and it's clear George Miller is thinking on a Lucasian scale :

The plot would be partly lifted from the script of the fourth “Max” film, which was set to shoot in 2003 until financing collapsed in the wake of the Iraq War.

Now Miller is resurrecting the idea as an R-rated, stereoscopic anime flick for theatrical release.

“The anime is an opportunity for me to shift a little bit about what anime is doing because anime is ripe for an adjustment or sea change,” he explained. “It’s coming in games and I believe it’s the same in anime."

Mad Max is really the ultimate post-apocalyptic Grand Theft Auto. Mad Max games have massive potential. But why just go anime?

There's probably a few hundred thousand Australian males aged 40 to 60 who will buy a games unit just to play a realistic Mad Max game on their monster plasmas. But it has to be the right game. Not just a game based on the anime Mad Max IV movie. We need Mad Max games that take us back to the first movie, and all those pristine cars. Do you want to be Goose, or NightRider, or Max?

And there would have to be a game to recreate Mad Max II (or Road Warrior as it was called in non-Australian lands) so we can do that sand-filled tanker run, fighting off the post-apoc. biker hordes all the way. Running wild with that boomerang as the Feral Kid, helping Max deal with all those badlands bandits, and diving into tunnels like a rabbit, would also have to be an essential option.

Beyond Thunderdome? Eh. If we get to play Mad Max I & II, a Thunderdome game (or chapter) might feel a bit "been there, done that", unless some of the action takes place in the post-nuking Sydney we only get a glimpse of at the end of that movie.

I'm looking over a piece I was working on for the British Airways inflight magazine back in 2001, when Mad Max IV was beginning to shape up as a viable Mel Gibson movie, not animation. There's some interesting details about a possible storyline. I'll post it here, later.

Queenslanders To Brutal Mother Nature : "Oh What The Fuck Is It Now?"

How absolutely, monumentally huge is the cyclone closing in on the WhitSundays this morning?

This huge :



From ABC News :

Cyclone Hamish has now intensified into a Category 5 system, creating winds in excess of 280 kilometres an hour, off the north-east coast of Queensland.

Residents and tourists are preparing to ride out the effects of the cyclone as it moves along the coast.

The outer edge of the massive storm, already 40km/h faster than Cyclone Larry which smashed Innisfail in 2006, will lash islands in the Whitsundays in the next few hours.

It continues moving south-east off the coast, and some islands in its path have been evacuated.

A Category 5 is rated as extremely dangerous and can cause widespread destruction.

It's not expected that Hamish will devastate Cairns, at least not right now. It is expected to stay far enough away from the coast to not destroy the place, so says the BOM, but The WhitSundays are apparently the big worry.

Winds hitting 180kmh be roaring across some of the islands by 7am.

"We Can Test Land Our Nuclear Bomber At Melbourne Airport?"

"Was That A Question Or A Statement?"


The good thing is there was an aiport that it could land at, safely, instead of....crashing :

The B1B Lancer bomber, which can carry conventional and nuclear arms over a large distance, landed at about 9.25pm (AEDT) on last night after reporting problems with its landing gear.

Media reports say the plane, which is capable of speeds of more than 1500km/h, was on its way to the Avalon Airshow but diverted to Tullamarine, with emergency services standing by as it landed.

Are more planes being 'forced down' recently? Or is it something you just start to notice after a lot of them?

Friday, March 06, 2009

Melbourne Rocks

It's not often you get to write a headline like that about Melbourne, but tonight it is true.

A small earthquake, measuring about 4.6 on the Richter scale, followed by a tremor, has rattled homes and buildings across numerous suburbs, up into the Yarra Valley and Kilmore.

Some report the shaking lasting from 5 to 10 seconds. No injuries or major damage reported in the media yet, but emergency services are getting so swamped with calls as they've asked people to stop calling unless they're injured or in a serious emergency situation.

Best description what the Melbourne earthquake felt like, so far :

"...it felt like a very long truck was driving past or maybe the washing machine getting extremely excited."
More here

UPDATE : Correction, it was a 4.7.

About three hours before Melbourne rumbled, a volcano in Indonesia erupted.

Murdoch Corporate Bosses Are Proud They Educated Billions On Climate Change Threat By Info-Dosing The Simpsons

By Darryl Mason

A very, very interesting Green Corporate video from ex-Australian Rupert Murdoch's News corporation, detailing how Fox has been purposely seeding its most popular TV shows, and in particular its highest rating cartoon shows like The Simpsons, The Family Guy and King Of The Hill, with what local Murdoch employees (the Herald Sun's) Andrew Bolt and (the Daily Telegraph's) Tim Blair would normally call "glorbal warmening" and "the most superstitious pagan faith of all".

TCFTV's Climate Change Commitment Video



Some of the key quotes from the vid, with deciphering of corporate speak in italics, in brackets, in the style of Andrew Bolt and Tim Blair :

"What could we do on a practical level to start making a difference (how can we get some taxpayer-funded action on this climate change scam)?"

"The biggest thing we've done is inserting messages about the environment into some of our content (he means TV shows like The Simspons, they're scaring our children and nieces with hysterical claims about a warming that does not exist)."

"The lifeblood of our company is the quality of our TV shows, and we would have accomplished nothing if we compromised that quality (they're sneaky bastards, these Nazi-Green Corporate Socialists)."

"....the most powerful way we could communicate the commitment on behalf of our company (corporate greenism), was to change the practices within the production (how many flights do you take? Huh? Huh?), as well as work in a message about global warming (that actually stopped in 1998), about environmental changes (the world's environment has been changing for billions of years, it has nothing to do with us), about empowering people to take responsibilities (they want to take away your plastic shopping bags and make you live in a dimly lit house and eat cold lentils)."
And how closely Murdoch's executives echo the declaration of their boss Rupert, when he pledged to turn his most popular TV shows into climate change education tools, back in June 2007 :
"We need to reach (our audience) in a sustained way. To weave this issue into our content-- make it dramatic, make it vivid, even sometimes make it fun. We want to inspire people to change their behavior.

"The challenge is to revolutionize the message.

"We need to do what our company does best: make this issue exciting. Tell the story in a new way.

"...we can change the way the public thinks about these issues..."

I never realised just how much I'd learned about the dire threats of global warming-induced climate change simply by reading The Daily Telegraph, watching Fox News and enjoying immensely, globally, popular entertainments like The Simpsons and 24.

The last word in the Murdoch Green Corporate video about how the most influential and powerful media company in the world has educated billions of people about the dire, catastrophic threats of climate change goes to an Al Gore clip from The Simpsons :
"Finally I get to save the Earth with deadly lasers instead of deadly slide shows."


In other climate change related news, a new blog has been launched called The Daily Degree.

I didn't know if Tim Blair, associate editor of the Daily Telegraph (a newspaper that seems to running many more Climate Change Is Humanity's Doom-type stories these days), was aware that there's a new blog pumping 'glorbal warmening' propaganda, because he normally loves to tear apart such blogs and mock their claims of climate change posing catastrophic threats, so I sent him an e-mail to give him a heads up on the new blog. Here's my e-mail :
Hey Tim,

I've found an hilarious new Climate Change blog for you to hammer and shred. And it's not one of those puny blogs run by one hairy old greenie with a few hundred deluded visitors, it's a big fat corporate blog. In fact, it's a new blog from the biggest and most powerful distributor of Global Warming/Climate Change propaganda in the world today.

I look forward to your witty, cutting takedown of these crazed warmenistas.

http://gei.newscorp.com/daily-degree/


Don't forget to include a 'hat tip' to me for the link if you use it.

Then again, you probably already got the memo from HQ, didn't you?
I was going to e-mail Andrew Bolt to tell him that there was yet another big money Corporate Green blog trying to pump the "the most superstitious pagan faith of all" and going on about hybrid cars and saving energy, and renewable and Green Energy initiatives that Bolt has said will "cost jobs" and destroy industries, and how this Corporate Greenism blog tells us we should ride a bicycle to work and take our own bags with us when we go shopping. You know, the usual mad claims exposed by Blair & Bolt that try to turn us all into eco-responsible, hairy, smelly, fat old hippes.

But seeing as Bolt has a number of helpers, I knew there was no way he was going to miss the launching of a major new Corporate Green blog like The Daily Degree. He doesn't need me to alert him to blogs like that.

I'm sure Bolt's attacks and comprehensive debunking of the claims made on The Daily Degree blog are all coming soon. No doubt, Tim Blair is writing up his takedown of The Daily Degree as you read this.

If past efforts are anything to go, Bolt & Blair should both be hammering The Daily Degree any moment now...because the fact they work for the same company that now admits to being the most powerful and most influential distributor of "glorbal warmening propaganda", by subtly inserting what Bolt & Blair call eco-hysteria into our favourite TV shows, won't influence their scathing criticism of a blog like The Daily Degree not one little bit.

Unless they're both total fucking hypocrites.

Wait...Does That Mean If I Don't Play Up, I Have To Pay Up?

NSW politicians are easily confused, and the headline for this story won't help a doddle to rein in their bad behaviour in state parliament :

Thursday, March 05, 2009

How To Use Twitter To Recruit Stars For Your TV Shows

By Darryl Mason

UPDATE : (March 31, 2009) - A producer of the Kath & Kim show contacted me recently to state that the Gina Riley at Twitter is not the real Gina Riley. Damn, just when I thought I managed to convince a TV star to incorporate warm jelly wrestling into their TV show. Maybe my satire is not obvious enough?


Is Twitter a complete waste of time? Maybe. Probably. But the limit of 140 characters per twot makes naturally verbose people, like me, learn the fine art of summary. And if you want to make it the Entertainment Arts, as I do, you have to know how to summarise.

Working shit out and writing scripts is hard work, but Twitter allows anybodies like me to find TV stars who are also on Twitter andTwit-Pitch your TV show ideas directly to/at them.

Brilliant.

I found Gina Riley, star, creator and writer, of Kath & Kim on Twitter.

Gina Riley had asked her few hundred Twitter followers (they get updates from Gina when she gets recognised by people when she's on holidays) what they've always wanted to see happen on Kath & Kim. Great idea.

If you don't know where they live, an upcoming sitcom writer doesn't usually get a chance to pitch ideas straight to a star like Gina Riley. So here's an idea for a one hour Kath & Kim special I instantly thought of and Twittered to her (I've compressed the messages for easier reading) :

Feb 22 @GinaRiley - Sharon sees US Kath & Kim on TV, tells Oz Kath & Kim there's a show sort of about them, they watch it, are a bit freaked out......Kath thinks it's all a remarkable 'coincidental', Kim thinks they've been 'plaguerised', reckons some Yank tourist....saw them around FountainLakes, sold idea of TV based on them to Hollywood....Kim reckons she's owed money, "I'm an original", she yells, while eating....Kath & Kim travel to Hollywood to confront the American actresses, in real life, who play Kath & Kim in US....turns out Kath's ex-husband (Mick Malloy) is the American show's writer/producer....US K&K and Oz K&K fight, then decide to team up and go on professional warm jelly wrestling circuit...
The bit where I have Kim saying, "I'm an original," that made Gina Riley laugh, she said she liked it. She said it sounded like something Kimmy would say. I sent her the ending a few minutes later, but I didn't hear back.

I was encouraged by Gina Riley's initial positive response, so I bombarded her with enough Kath & Kim ideas for a whole series :
Feb 26 @GinaRiley : Kath's home to be bulldozed to make way for bicycle path. Kath runs for local council to stop it....Kel handles the media, gets Kath & Kim to hold warm jelly wrestling matches against election rivals...

Feb 26 @GinaRiley : Kim has acco, head injury, believes she's bcome 'Syclic'. Does incredibly rude n abusive tarot card readings.....sets up 'syclic' phone line,tells callers why dead parents still hate them from beyond the grave...

Feb 26 @GinaRiley : Kath wins huge Winebago in warm jelly wrestling comp. at local pub....All go camping in it. Kim Vs Nature, wrestles crocodile in warm mud....Kel and Bretty go hunting at night for fresh meat, but end up bagging Sharon....Sharon went off in the bushes with some local boy she met at the pub...the pub doesn't have warm jelly wrestling, Kim gives pub demo, maybe with croc...

Feb 26 @GinaRiley...Recession hits, Kath loses everything on sharemarket, butcher shop goes under, Kath & Kel move in with Kim...bcoz free food at Kath's is cut off, Sharon loses weight....Sharon, gets plus size modeling work, this enrages Kim, she sabotages Sharon's new gig...Sharon challenges Kim to warm jelly wrestling comp....
Gina Riley hasn't Twittered me back on those ideas yet either, but hope is free.

Then I realised Comedy TV isn't really happening in Australia right now. But there is still a huge market for Reality TV. So I Twit-Pitched a string of ideas to Melissa Doyle from Sunrise on Channel 7 :
March 5 @melissadoyle : TV Show Idea - 'Boom Tish' - M Doyle interviews Baby Boomers who sold out their hippie ideals for big money, but are still poor.

@melissadoyle : Talk Show Idea : 'Melissa Listens'. M Doyle hears the same stories each week from the same old people who were on last week.

@melissadoyle : Reality TV Show You Can Host - Six Bondi lifesavers, who also works as vets, have to revive a failing restuarant.

@melissadoyle : R-TV Show Idea - Biggest Loser Meets Pet Extreme Makoever for old peoples' fat, balding, sickly cats and dogs.

@melissadoyle : R-TV Show Idea - You take old peoples' sick pets, get them fixed up for free, money shot is reunion btween weepy old git & pet.

@melissadoyle : R-TV Show Idea - You follow Gina Riley as she quits actressing to become professional warm jelly wrestler.
But then I had an epiphany....Why the hell was I going to Gina Riley and Melissa Doyle with these obviously excellent TV show ideas when there's millions of people using Twitter and some of them are probably Big Time TV Show Maker People who are looking for undeveloped TV show ideas on Twitter? It's a good idea to try and recruit a star first for your TV show, but it also works to get in at the top, where possible.

So I got to work and twit-pitched a bunch of TV show ideas to see which TV station owners and TV show producers would respond and offer a production deal the fastest.

I figured if I included various elements from Australia's most popular Reality TV shows, it would be impossible for them to resist :
March 5 - about nine hours ago - TV Show Idea : Four young fireys heroically grapple with flames during the day, then work as lifesavers during the night....

- about eight hours ago - TV Show Idea : Six young firefighters battle flame, rescue old people from where they've fallen, during the day, then work as vets at nite.

- about seven hours ago - TV Show Idea : Eight fireys fight fires at night, then work as vets in the morning, lifesavers in the arvo...

- about six hours ago - TV Show Idea : They're fireys at night, vets morning, lifesavers arvo, and they all run a restaurant in the evening. Winner!

- about five hours ago - Rock Band TV Show Idea : Heavy metal band singsongs abt saving nature at night, work as vets during the day, lifesavers during lunch.

- about four hours ago - Idea For Themed Restaurant TV Show : All the waiters are lifesavers who r in rock band, they sing songs about vets at Bondi.

- about three hours ago - Vet Hospital TV Idea : Real vets star in a sitcom abt rock band who run a restaurant and r lifesavers in detox.

- about two hours ago - Sitcom Idea : A vegan, pro-nature rock band of vets work at Australian Customs during the day.

- about one hour ago - True Crime Show Idea : 1980s Melbourne gangsters take over warm jelly wrestling circuit, recruit fireys, vets.
- about twenty minutes ago - Or : Bondi vets who work at Aust. Customs takeover warm jelly wrestling circuit from Underbelly gangsters.
I keep updating Twitter, but no producers or TV station owners have responded yet. Don't they know buying the rights will only become more expensive the longer they wait? Their loss.

I've covered Sitcom TV and Reality TV, so I'm moving onto movies. I just found John Cleese on Twitter. This is the 140 character long Movie Twit-Pitch I'm going to send to him right now (Cleese plays the clone) :
Man clones himself, gets a sex change for the clone, he marries the clone, then realises he's gay, clone refuses to change sex back.
It needs more work. But the much younger chick clone of John Cleese could break away from himself(?), and carve her own path in life, beginning a new career on the warm jelly wrestling circuit run by firefighters and Bondi vets who used to work at Australian Customs.

Gina Riley could play the female lead. Or maybe Melissa Doyle.

Of Course It Was A Conspiracy

The instant reluctance, almost pathological refusal to consider or even mildly entertain the possibilities of Conspiracy is one of the main reasons why so many of the biggest, most deadly, and most damaging, terror attacks remain unsolved.

ICC referee Chris Broad, who was in a van behind the bus carrying the Sri Lankan cricket team through Lahore, is not afraid to explain why he fears a conspiracy is behind the horrific terror attacks, carried out by a well-trained, extremely well armed and thoroughly rehearsed team who escaped and remain at large today.

As he tried to make sense of what had happened, Broad said there were several questions he was struggling to answer.

"On the first two days (of the Test) both buses left (the hotel) at the same time with escorts. On this particular day the Pakistan bus left five minutes after the Sri Lankan bus. Why?" he said.

"It went through my mind as we were leaving the hotel - 'Where is the Pakistan bus?' But there were times during the Karachi Test when the Sri Lankans went first and Pakistan went afterwards.

"I thought maybe they were having five or 10 minutes more in the hotel and would turn up later, but after this happened you start to think: 'Did someone know something and they held the Pakistan bus back?'"

Broad said although he had no evidence for a conspiracy, the events he had witnessed had left him perplexed.

"At every junction from the hotel through to where we were attacked and all the way to the ground there were police in light blue uniforms with hand-guns controlling traffic," he said.

"How did the terrorists come to the roundabout and how did they start firing and these guys not do anything about it?

"There were plenty of police there and yet these terrorists came in, did what they had to do and then went again. It is beyond me."

It sounds like an ambush.



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The Conga Line Of SuckHoles Still Suck, But There Are Less Of Them

Mark Latham on the state of Australian political journalism :

“Perversely, the only press gallery specialists who have survived are the so-called sketch writers, frustrated comedians who, more often than not, are as funny as a burning orphanage.”
The Australian Financial Review keeps its Mark Latham columns beyond a payers-only firewall, so you can't read it unless you buy a copy. How very, very 1997.

Get Your Own Damn Pristine Beaches Of Paradise

Australia has plenty of the most beautiful beaches in the world. So many in fact, that other countries trying to lure holidaymakers to their comparably shabby shores think won't miss one or two of our lesser known beaches. Wrong.


Spanish officials have been caught passing off pictures from Australia and the Bahamas as their own in an effort to boost the country’s flagging tourism industry.

Officials from the Costa Brava Pyrenees Tourism authority have admitted using a photograph of a pristine beach and blue seas taken in Australia to illustrate a sun-baked strip of the northeastern Spanish coastline traditionally popular with British tourists.

They had to darken the colour of the sand to make it look more like a beach in Spain.

Sourdough For The SourMan

A smug-looking fleg in the breadshop line is on the phone. He says the following, loud :

"Bullshit. Even gunfire and RPGs can't make cricket interesting."
I don't know if his friend laughs or not, but some of the other customers do. I'm torn between wanting to pelt him with wheat-free Berry Delight muffins and acknowledging the fact that Australians were once very quick to make black-humoured jokes about the very worst of what was happening in the world, and now don't do that so much anymore.

I considered snapping the fleg's photo to run with what I overheard, but then realised I don't actually work for a Murdoch tabloid.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

What Crap Can We Make Up About Heath Ledger Today?

Can you smell it? It's the tangy waft of another half-arsed Murdoch media beat up :



This story is total crap. The headline is woefully inaccurate.

The Imaginarium has an Australian cinema release deal in place. It was signed and sealed months ago. Heath Ledger's final movie also has cinematic release deals locked in across England and Europe.

A US cinema release has not been locked into place yet for one extremely obvious reason, and if they'd bothered to do some googling they would have the info easily - director Terry Gilliam hasn't finished the movie, though he's close to being done.

Pre-release deals for The Imaginarium all over the world have already just about put the new Terry Gilliam film, starring Ledger, Colin Farrell and Johnny Depp, into profit. That means the producers don't have to go begging to American movie studios like, say, Murdoch's Fox, to get a US cinema release signed and sealed before the movie is even finished.

The Imaginarium is not going to be another Batman Begins, obviously. It's a Terry Gilliam film, so it's going to be extremely weird, and more than a little non-mainstream. Gilliam knew there would be a fairly limited audience for The Imaginarium before he began shooting, which is why it was made on a fraction of the budget of, say, the Rupert Murdoch and Australian taxpayer funded epic 'Australia'.

The Imaginarium will make money for its investors, as almost every Terry Gilliam film has, eventually, despite the cliched guff about The Gilliam Curse. It will be controversial, and the story of how Gilliam refused to shelve the movie when Heath Ledger died mid-shoot and how it was finished with the help of Ledger's friends, like Johnny Depp, will draw the film plenty of attention as it moves closer to a release date.

And The Imaginarium will divide people firmly between those who hate it, because it is Gilliam weird, and those who love it, because it is Gilliam weird.

If the Murdoch tabloids are looking for a story angle, maybe they should have pursued this
one (and they probably still will): Heath Ledger filmed a shocking suicide scene for Gilliam's movie shortly before his death. Will it be cut? Should it be cut? Will scenes of Ledger hanging from a noose upset too many people for it to remain in the movie?

An image of the Ledger suicide scene from the Just Jared website



I can't wait to see The Imaginarium. Ledger turned down some major movies and big paydays to join Terry Gilliam on this adventure because he loved the story, and the director's vision for what he wanted to bring to the screen. It promises to be one very strange, fun, magical and challenging movie, like all of Gilliam's.

More On Heath Ledger And The Imaginarium Here



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He Only Helped Kill A Few Hundred Thousand People, What's The Problem?



The Professional Idiot hasn't actually seen W., the Oliver Stone biopic of the man who started and couldn't end two extremely deadly wars, didn't catch the terrorist leader he promised he would bring to justice "dead or alive", failed to stop the 9/11 terror attacks and bankrupted the United States. At least The Professional Idiot doesn't give any indication he has seen the movie in this dim bulb example of his ongoing, losing battle with his own post-conservative era hysteria.

But that doesn't stop The Professional Idiot from raging against the new movie about George W. Bush, that mostly disappoints because it goes so easy on one of the greatest calamities to ever befall the United States.

Does The Professional Idiot actually review the movie in this column? What? Do you think he's some kind of journalist or something? Hell, no. How can you serve up bizarre Oliver Stone-ish conspiracy theories about Evil Pagan Lefty Arts Community/Film Reviewers Anti-Bush Group Think if you'd seen actually the movie?

Instead The Professional Idiot reviews the reviewers :

Our arts community can’t tell a kiss from a kick - or not when the person being kicked is its pet target of group-hate.

......

Here, for instance, is Philippa Hawker of The Age: “If you were expecting director Oliver Stone to skewer George Bush, you’ll be sorely disappointed ...”

West Australian’s Mark Naglazas also claimed W was a “surprisingly understated and even-handed account”, yet, totally oblivious to the contradiction, continued: “the 1960s veteran Stone ... cannot resist depicting Bush as he has been for much of his presidency—a shallow buffoon who, in a just world, would struggle to get a job cleaning toilets in the White House.”

Pardon? That’s an “even-handed account” of a man who gained an MBA? Ran a successful baseball franchise? Served as a popular governor of Texas? Won two terms as president? Liberated two countries from fascism? Prevented another terrorism attack on US soil since 9/11?

Good God. That's the kind of glowing summary of a blindingly obvious failed double presidency that even Karl Rove wouldn't dare attempt to pass off under his own name. He'd have to use the Murdoch media to try and get that stupendous fluff into the media.

So what's behind this hilarious love letter to the former president who can now only get a bigger book deal than Condoleezza Rice if he promises to admit he really kinda sucked during his time behind Lincoln's old desk?

Is The Professional Idiot joining George W. Bush on a speaking tour double-bill when the former president tours Australia later this year?

Yet again and again this country’s leading reviewers repeat this patently absurd argument—that Stone has been even-handed by describing Bush as an incompetent, alcoholic, idiotic party-boy, haunted by his father....

Bush, by own admission, was an incompetent, alcoholic party-boy. He was still joking about those days when hundreds of corpses of Americans were rotting away in the flooded streets and submerged basements of New Orleans. And Bush's rivalry and clashes with his father are not exactly a big secret, nor that unusual, or even unexpected, in any father-son relationship when high levels of work-related stress and pressure are involved.

But forget all that. The Professional Idiot has uncovered a brimming latte barrel of anti-Bush Crazed Lefty Group Think conspiracy. A big conspiracy it must be, across dozens of Australian newspapers, following the opinion of more than 7 out of 10 Americans.

Here's Evan Williams of The Australian: “On the whole, Stone plays fair ... The portrait of (Bush) that emerges is rounded and humane ...”

Yet Williams then gloats: “Dubya comes across as inadequate and impressionable, driven by half-baked notions of revenge, troubled by his early experience of business failure, academic mediocrity and alcoholism.”

The Sydney Morning Herald also praised Stone’s “fair-mindedness” and “restraint”. The ABC’s Margaret Pomeranz called W a “not unsympathetic depiction”, while David Stratton agreed it was “not a strongly anti-Bush film”.

The group-think is the most unmissable thing about this baaing of reviewers who see the crudest monstering as the least Bush deserves.

No dissent from this party line is even considered or uttered. None of this tribe defend Bush as some will defend even Saddam Hussein, the psychopathic killer he toppled.

...what is most remarkable of all is that not one of these reviewers can detect their own blind bias, witlessly praising as “fair” and “understated” a sliming as juvenile and angry as graffiti.

But what is most remarkable about The Professional Idiot's run through of Australian film reviewers who he believes Group Think Hate Bush, with psychotic zeal, is that he managed to totally avoid mentioning one of the most pummeling and stinging Australian film reviewer's write up of the alcohol-abuse brain damaged former president. This review, from The Professional Idiot's own newspaper, The Herald Sun :
Demonised and declared a dunce, Dubya formally vacated the White House last month.

During his two terms in office, Bush generated both the highest and lowest approval ratings of any US President since the advent of public polling.

......

(Actor Josh) Brolin’s depiction of Dubya works well enough as a straight physical impersonation. However, what he really gets right is the unique mix of idiocy and innocence that planted this plonker on the world stage.
How did The Professional Idiot manage to miss that biased, tribal group-thinking and utterly scathing review of his hero George W. Bush in the pages of his own newspaper?

Maybe, like most Victorians, The Professional Idiot only reads The Herald Sun for its sports pages.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

The Writer Is Dead, But His Fiction Is Our Reality


Philip K Dick portrait by GK Bellows

By Darryl Mason

Yesterday, March 2, was the 2yth anniversary of the death of one of America's greatest thinkers, novelist Philip K Dick. PKD basically wrote himself to death, at 54 years old, and he was very aware of what he was doing to himself, in the year before he died. Only a few months before his death, Philip K Dick sat down to watch the opening minutes of the cinematic classic BladeRunner, a movie adapted from one of his best and also strangest novels Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep? PKD died knowing his legend was already all but set in stone, and that BladeRunner would most certainly, at the minimum, introduce new generations to his decades of writing, philosophy and wild imagineering.

I don't think Philip K Dick would be surprised (or should that be, is surprised?) to learn that nearing the end of the first decade of the 21st century, he is now one of the most famous, and most intensely argued and discussed writers, in history.

When he was physically alive, Philip K Dick recognised that the world, in particularly America, was becoming more and more like one of his novels everyday. This didn't bring him much pleasure. He rarely wrote about paradise on earth, or utopias.

He often said he wrote his books to stop certain realities becoming real (he believed, for a while, that the reality you experience is a reality of your own, and your loved ones, and your enemies', making), but life delivered up the ultimate of all ironies, which could have only made hm laugh : that what he so often warning-wrote about it, to stop it happening, became reality thanks to the effect (in part) his books and writing and imagination had on a generation of young tech-gurus in California, and England, and Japan. And yet, Philip K Dick gave those who saw both profit and power in using technology as a tool(s) for oppression plenty of inspiration, and help, as well.

Here's some of the things he wrote about as far back as 1955 that have become our reality :

Criminals being tracked by satellites, remote control robot sentries and machine-gunners, synthetic and cloned pets, robot hookers, swipe cards to enter buildings and malls, laptop computers, reality television, personalised advertising, hacker anarchists, mega-global corporations that rule entire continents, instantly globally shared information, android babysitters, a military controlled United States divided into police-state zones (post-Hurricane Katrina, this was New Orleans), whole towns as nostalgia amusement parks, a technology-interconnected global humanity and a president who bankrupted his country and created fictional wars to distract his people from their darkening reality.
Philip K Dick might not have been the first writer to detail a post-apocalyptic nuclear world where robots ruthlessly hunt down human survivors hiding in the ruins, but he was certainly the first to write about killer robots who, in imitation of their human creators, set about building robots to kill other robots.

More on Philip K Dick here

To finish off, here's a fat handful of Philip K Dick Quote(s) Of The Day, from Your New Reality :
"History executes those who will not go where the truth takes them. This is a fact."

"The future is not a place where we go but a construct which we create. The shared world, to me, is the only one worth living in; in fact it is the only one we can live in."

"The universe is an idea in the minds of men."

"....a barrier of of fear and doubt may universally lie between us and what we most want, want and deserve."

"Only when a man chooses to act does he become real…"

"If this is what you get when you win, what the hell do you get when you lose?"

"I promise I won't try to convert you; in any case my religion is not orthodox but really my own; for instance I never go to church, and so to creed Christians I'm a combination of atheist and heretic, if you can imagine that, which I evidently can."

"What amazed me, in my suicide attempt, was the way my body literally fought back."

"Either we're onto something important....or we're just nuts."

"Mental illness is nothing more than an unvoiced NO to experience, to the new, to adventure, to being; it is a calcification, an ossification, an ending of the unrolling spool of inner life."

"Sometimes I try to figure out where I went wrong in my life, and then I wonder if indeed I did go wrong. "

"I know the feeling of being a character in a Phil Dick novel. It happens to me, too."
PKD Quotes source : Philip K Dick Collected Letters, 1977-79


How Obama Reached The Presidency Preaching Philip K Dick Philosophy

Philip K Dick And Carbon Credits

"My Mind Is More Important Than My Possessions"

Philip K Dick's 1980 Top Ten Predictions For The Future That Have (Mostly) Come True

Robots Are Being Given Human Emotions

Philip K Dick Defines The 'War On Terror'....In 1963

Philip K Dick And Carbon Credits

Philip K Dick Does Disney - Disney Does Philip K Dick




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Not Again : The Victorian Fires Part Two

Five Million Australians Get "Emergency Warning" Text Messages

In just a few hours from when this story has been posted, huge, hot winds will begins blasting across Victoria, where at least four major fire fronts are still burning. Some towns have, reportedly, already been all but emptied, and during the night, hundreds more families fled what may, or may not, turn out to be another horrific day of death and tragedy.

From ABC News :

Victorians are being urged to secure their homes ahead of strong northerly winds expected around dawn.

Around 5,000 firefighters are on high alert with the winds due to hit western Victoria, before extending across the state and reaching Melbourne.

The weather bureau's Terry Ryan says wind gusts could top 100 kilometres per hour

"Those stronger winds will pick up in the Melbourne area about 6:00 am or 7:00 am, winds 60 to 80 kilometres per hour developing quite quickly, gusts possible to 100 [kph]," he said.

"The alpine area a little bit later, gusts to about 120 [kph] in the alpine area, those winds will turn west with a change entering the west of the state around midday to 1:00pm."

Hundreds of schools, 30 national parks and and Melbourne's Botanic Gardens will be closed.

It is feared the gusty conditions will result in four major fires jumping containment lines and spreading rapidly.

One of the most effective fire-fighting methods used so far in battling the weeks of fires across Victoria that have claimed more than 210 lives and hundreds of millions of dollars worth of property, homes and businesses, has been waterbombing planes and helicopters.

But if wind conditions get too intense today, these aircraft will be grounded. Then it will be all up to the thousands of firefighters to do what they can to stop the flames.

Little rain has fallen anywhere in Victoria since February 7, and some of the biggest fires are now burning in what has been described, soberly, as "difficult terrain."

And once again, the fear looms of some pyromaniac setting fires in the path of the huge winds that could lead to further, and only recently unimaginable, carnage.

"If other fires start, if they are unable to be quickly pounced upon, those fires will rapidly spread and obviously wind is the great enemy in that case...."

Some three to five million mobile phones in Victoria (and some in Tasmania) have received messages warning of the terrible dangers that today could bring. A number of news reports have claimed that every mobile phone (registered and unregistered) in Victoria received a warning message.

Here's how it was done :

The state's major telecommunications networks — Telstra, Optus and Hutchison — sent warnings from Victoria Police to their mobile customers yesterday afternoon, warning of high wind and fire risk, and advising they listen to ABC radio for emergency updates.

The networks sent the messages to more than 3 million phones, using technology that isolated Victorian numbers, and sent the texts in bulk through a dispatch centre.

Premier John Brumby said the technology trial was a first for the state and a supplement to warnings made through the media.

However, he said the system was not suitable for an immediate threat, such as a terrorist attack or tsunami, because it could only deliver texts at a rate of up to 600,000 an hour.

"We can't provide an instantaneous warning," he said. "We're not in a position to do that yet, we don't have the capacity or the technology.

Maybe Victorians will get a weather miracle before the fires get out of control. A much-needed dose of unexpected, near miraculous, heavy rain, or a sudden shift in the predicted winds that will turn the fires back on themselves, back towards land already burned.

It's like firefighters are battling a war against an almost unstoppable enemy, huge fires have been burning constantly across Victoria for almost a solid month. How the fiirefighters maintain their sanity going in again and again to take on such a force of often unstoppable destruction is incomprehensible to those who have never had to do it.

No wonder so many firefighters talk about the flames as though they are living, killing, unstoppable beasts, monstrous things taller than buildings, longer than freeways, that burn your skin to a crisp long before you even see the flames.

Fire lives and breathes, and it eats and kills voraciously, without mercy.

They cannot stop it, they can only turn it back, calm it down, contain it, until it runs of breath, out of fuel, out of energy. Until it returns again later in the year. But not late enough for the many in Victoria who have been psychologically shattered by the horrors and loss of the past few weeks, and who must now dread next summer, like the arrival of hell itself.

UPDATE : Damn, maybe I should go into the miracle-predicting business (is there one?).

Rains doused Melbourne this morning, and winds have not been as strong, or as widespread, as expected. Threats to lives and property posed by fire fronts remain strong, but the rest of today is not expected to unfold as ultra-dangerously as predicted by weather forecasters and fire fighting officials :
While Melbourne, Geelong and surrounding suburbs are getting damp, fire authorities said the drizzle would be nowhere near the amount needed to douse fires.

However, a weather spokesman told 3AW radio that the drizzle has prevented winds reaching expecting highs, and should prevent temperatures rising to a forecast 32.

Monday, March 02, 2009

They Told Me To Tell You That They Do Not Control My Mind

Just brilliant. 'Nic' posting repeatedly deleted comments here, offers up another that I simply have to preserve here, so it will never be lost :

"Last chance. Leave this post up as confirmation that I have never suggested that you, freemasons and greys are controlling my mind and you will not hear from me again."
Last chance? Or what? The Freemasons and Greys will blow up 'Nic's' head with psychotronic weapons from their orbiting space station?

Of course, if your mind is actually being controlled by The Freemasons and the Greys, they're not too happy if you go blabbing about it all over the internet. Believe me.

Then again, if your mind is controlled by The Freemasons and Greys, would they not be able to stop you in the first place from blabbing about it? Unless they secretely, cunningly, want 'Nic' to get out there and deny they secretely control his mind, while secretely controlling it, in some kind of devilish exercise aimed at making 'Nic' look like some kind of downward-spiralling loon.

That's the problem when your mind is being controlled by Greys and Freemasons. You can never be 100% certain that they are, or are not, secretely controlling your mind.

Fantastic.

UPDATE : Now Nic realises that The Freemasons and the Greys may be monitoring internet communications for any big mouths, like him, spilling the beans about the existence, or non-existence, of their nefarious mind-contrology*, panic sets in :
If Jeremy won't let me respond without deleting, will someone else who has been following please do Jeremy and I a favour and post a comment stating that I have never mentioned freemasons, aliens, or Jeremy as controlling my mind?
Meltdowny.

* I think it says a lot about Google Blogger that the phrase 'mind-contrology' does not register in its automatic spellcheck. At least, it doesn't on my Blogger account, which may be further proof that Nic is really onto something here. Or on something....

Death To Bloggy Fun

By Darryl Mason

Well, the Australian blogstream is going to become a hell of a lot less fun, scandalous and interesting now that (apparently) News Limited's lawyers are threatening legal action against those who try and hold News Limited's more rank, intolerant and smear-spreading corporate bloggers (apparently) to account for the serious damage they inflict on Australian society (apparently).

Pure Poison
, the blog set up on Crikey by Grodsters and Jeremy Sear, has caused all sorts of commotion and controversy in its handful of days of existence - an all round successful launch in other words - and while some of News Limited's corporate bloggers (apparently) have few problems with small audience independent bloggers whipping them for stirring up racism and intolerance, when it comes to a heavily trafficked, mainstream media site like Crikey, well, certain News Limited bloggers start getting all whine-y and litigious (apparently).

Certain corporate bloggers, protected by News Limited army of lawyers, love to dish it out to individuals who cannot afford or can't be bothered to defend themselves through legal action, but when it's them under scrutiny, with a media-and-politics-and-business heavy audience watching on, as with Pure Poison at Crikey, they sure can't take the heat.

Here's Crikey editor Jonathan Green apologising for allowing commenters at Crikey's Pure Poison to state some (apparently) all-too-obvious truths about The Professional Idiot (apparently), aka Andrew Bolt :

The first thing here is to apologise, sincerely, to Andrew Bolt. The second, to acknowledge the traps for the unwary in tapping too innocently into Web2 interconnectivity.

In recent days, comment strings on the new Crikey blog Pure Poison have been a little too lurid in their attacks on the controversial Herald Sun columnist. There are some things you can’t say in polite journalism. “Racist” is one of them. “Liar” is another.

But The Professional Idiot (apparently) sure likes to accuse so many others of being racists, or liars, or both, just about every day he takes another swim through his mind sewer.

The thing that Crikey has learned from its first real encounter in this past fortnight with the more floridly opinionated fringes of angrily politicised blog commentary is the importance not so much of immediate moderation of comments (that is now very much an given) but rather ensuring an overall tone in the conversation. To put it more simply we don’t want to be that kind of site. We’d rather build a reputation for reason and well-turned argument than for insult and glib denunciation.

Well, they certainly can't try and compete with certain News Limited bloggers when it comes to "insult and glib denunciation", they've pretty well conrnered the market on both (apparently).

The internet is a land of many underbellies. Apparently respectable newspaper sites court google traffic with layer on layer of celebrity-studded, skin-laden picture galleries, opinion bloggers draw short of the unmentionable under their own names and leave that dirty work to their legions of regular commenters … and given the right cues, that dirty work is done.

Oh, yes, it sure is. If you're a blogger who has ever had the unfortunate experience of being mentioned and linked to by certain blogger(s) now under the protective dome of News Limited, then you'd know what it's like to be bombarded with comments threatening violence, rape and "profesional ruins (sic)". I never felt threatened by any of those dimwits because where I grew up you learned quickly to spot bigmouth softcocks for what they were, and for the non-threat to you that they actually were.

More from Crikey's Jonathan Green :

The point is not to be outraged at someone’s argument, or their untenable, maybe mischievous, maybe pointedly distorted point of view. The argument is not with the writer, but with the view expressed...

What the hell does that mean? Is not the view expressed by a News Limited blogger that of the writer/blogger themselves? Or is this a sly confirmation/allegation from Green that what some News Limited bloggers do is not actually opinion-writing, or opinion-blogging, but simply hit-based-revenue-raising infotainment relying on fermented outrage and disgust for more comments and page views and thereby more revenue?

Eh, whatever. Blog Wars are notoriously boring for non-bloggers to read, or even hear about, most of the time.

And from what appears to (apparently) be a flurry of serious legal threats now hurricaning through the Australian blogstream (apparently), you probably won't hear much more about this current Pure Poison Vs Certain News Limited Suddenly Sensitive Corporate Bloggers' Blog War. At all.

Apparently.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

The Flight Of The Conchords' Jermaine and Bret offer US President Barack Obama some solid, sound financial advice :

Any thoughts on the president’s new stimulus package? What do you recommend forthe U.S. economy?

Jemaine: Budgeting.

Bret: Yeah, the government should do a budget.

I believe we already have a budget.

Jemaine: It doesn’t seem like it.

Bret: They need to put aside a certain amount each week for rent and then some money for food and then some money for partying, having a good time.

Jemaine: Put aside some for invasions!





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Wreckage

The most haunting images from the Victorian Fires of February 7 are easily those of burned out, crashed cars spread along the road leading into and through Kinglake. Perhaps as many as 20 people died in a series of horrific car accidents that day, including at least six children, and one infant. Families perished as their cars slammed into each other at high speed, fleeing heat and fire so intense it melted tyres and alloy wheels as they tried to escape. Cars ploughed into trees and plunged into ditches as drivers became lost in the smoke of the massive blaze that few in Kinglake, that afternoon, even knew was coming for them.

We've heard the stories of hundreds of survivors of the February 7 fires, but we know almost nothing about the final moments in the lives of the people who died in these cars. The fear, and terror, they experienced is unimaginable.











All photos from this extensive gallery of Victorian Fires images



ABC reporter Michael Vincent on the crashed cars of Kinglake :

"I came in with a CSA officer and it was just here there was still smoke drifting across the road..."

"Lots of debris, trees, corrugated iron roofing, power lines dangling across and then the many, many, burned out car wrecks - close to, I'd say, 20 on the main road alone.

"[There are] obvious accidents, head-on collisions, and five cars concertinaed with a motorbike had gone into a ditch.

"It's quite scary to imagine what these people went through. And some of them apparently did survive.

"There were some cars being taken away last night by the police and I imagine there were bodies in those cars. I couldn't physically see any, but the police were taking them away.

"A lot of people did panic and jumped in their cars at the last minute. It came on that fast. They had 15 minutes between when they saw it over in the far distance, 25 kilometres away, before it hit.

"So a lot of people, last minute, not realising that it was the last minute by the time they were on the road."

A terrible, incredible story of survival amongst all the death :
A Kinglake survivor saved a family of five but had to leave another man to die.

Karl Amatnieks, 56, and his wife Jane were fleeing when they saw the family trapped in a car.

They stopped as the inferno bore down and pulled the family into their car.

But Mr Amatnieks says he is no hero.

"I could not leave five people lying there waiting to die -- it's that simple," he said.

The couple were racing along Kinglake-Whittlesea Rd when they saw the family in danger.

"As we got to the bottom of the hill, we came across this couple with three kids who were stranded. They were stuck on the side of the road after slamming into the back of another car. It was horrific."

He said heavy smoke and ember sparks made driving almost impossible.

"As we got them in the car and took off, another car came down the hill and slammed into (the first crash)."

He said he felt helpless as he drove away, leaving the crash driver to die.

Moments later the inferno engulfed the pile-up.



The story of Benjamin Banks is very different again. A car crash, he believes, saved his life :
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong when Benjamin Banks tried to escape the Kinglake inferno.

It was a head-on car crash, his third crash within minutes, that ironically saved his life.

He also survived a "fire tornado" that peeled the paint from his car, and another incident when the house he eventually took shelter in also caught fire.

After a "big night" on Friday that ended about 6am on Saturday, Mr Banks was woken about 2pm by his cousin Dean, 18, as smoke enveloped his Kinglake West home.

....Mr Banks' second car failed to start and he had to change the battery.

"I knew I had to save my cousin. I wanted to save him before me. I didn't realise how intense it was and didn't realise how thick the fire had gotten."

Mr Banks' car then hit a tree lying on the road. He ploughed through it before hitting a second.

"Then this big whirlybird tornado of flame hit us. I remember looking up at it and it was as high as the trees."

The car almost tipped over and Mr Banks watched the paint peel off the bonnet and the car window melt, dripping molten glass on to his hand.

"I tried to drive again but there were no tyres left. I could feel steel on steel and could hear the steel rims grinding on the road and I was stuck on this tree."

Suddenly, headlights appeared and collided head on with Mr Banks.

"But I think that was my saving grace because if it had not hit me we would have burned to death in the car."





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